blueyes6

Hello,
I am new to the site but I am dealing with a situation that I could use some advice on. I dated an alcoholic for 2 years and left him because I could no longer take the wrath of his drinking. I realized that by staying with him, I was enabling him and had to be strong enough to walk away so that he could fall. Well, 6 months after we broke up, he entered and completed in-patient rehab. This weekend, he will be sober for 90 days. I recently have been talking to him again and he sounds great. Him being sober is all I ever wanted for him and for us. Well, I am thinking about getting back together with him because he is actively getting the help that he needs by working the program and getting counseling. I know that they say alcoholics shouldn't get involved with anyone during the 1st year of recovery, but I am not sure if that pertains to us because we were in a relationship before and the only real issues that we had were due to his drinking. I am taking things slow for now and getting to know him sober. Is this bad for his recovery? Should I not get involved with him until he is sober for 1 year? Thank you in advance for your advice.

MissFixit

What is the downside to waiting a little bit for him to get stronger in his recovery and you to work on yourself?

involved

Welcome Blueyes. Getting "sober" is only the second part of his journey (admitting you have a problem being the first part). The hard part comes next, and his main focus needs to be on him and his "recovery" and not on a relationship. You said you broke up so were you together? Everyone is different, and it is only recomended for an A to not make any significant changes in the first year. This is a guideline for anyone who is going thru a life changing event. like the death of a spouse...I would rwcomend you take some time to learn about the disease, and recovery before making the decision to jump back into a relationship with a barely sober A. Good luck!

SparkleKitty

If this is meant to be, it still will be in six more months. The first year of sobriety can be unpredictable, at best.

suki44883

It took me a good year to become fairly comfortable in recovery. Recovery is life long and the chances for relapse are greater in the first year. Of course, an alcoholic can relapse at any time, even after several years; however, I think most of us here would caution you to give it at least a year before you consider re-entering into a relationship with him.

marie1960

The actual percentage of people who successfully recover is very, very low.

Personally, I would steer myself away from those kinds of thoughts.

While you may " want" that relationship with him, I would slow it down, play it safe, and protect myself first.

More will be revealed, but in the meantime, I would keep the focus on myself.

no new expection = no new hurt.

Stung

That BUT part, that is the most important part in your entire post. I read "I know what I'm supposed to do to guard myself from getting hurt again BUT..."

If you know that you're supposed to wait a year because it'll result in the best outcome for BOTH of you, then why would you rush it? Aim for a good, healthy relationship, not just better than bad. Things are better but is it GOOD and HEALTHY? Because that's what you deserve. Why not wait and see if he can even be what you deserve?

Hugs to you.

ETA: there are absolutely no right answers, btw. I'm a rule follower and there are no rules when it comes to alcoholism or recovery. It sucks. It leaves everything up to your own best judgment, but I think you know what's best for you.