Mellybug

I had paid the 1st months' rent, took over a few things, and decided to just leave a note and walk out...then my ABF spent a couple of days making a HUGE effort and I decided to actually discuss it with him. We had both agreed to try to work on our relationship foundation during this time apart...even though he truly doesn't understand how 2 people can live together, then live apart, then get back together. I tried to explain that it wasn't a breakup...I just need to focus on MYSELF for a while, and since we didn't really build a good foundation before I moved in, the little things like chores and bills were quickly eroding any relationship we have.

Since I moved out (last Friday) I've been MUCH happier, and my ABF has done VERY little in the way of making ANY kind of effort. He's come over once for about 10 minutes before jetting off again. He said he'd come over but never did. He won't contact me unless I initiate it first...except ONCE he sent me a text first. I asked him if he was giving up and he said he wasn't, but his actions show me something different.

I'm trying not to focus on him and his seeming lack of interest. I am trying to be understanding, compassionate and patient...but I'm quickly losing any interest in having a one-sided relationship.

I guess I'm just looking for support...I've been reading and reading and reading - trying to remind myself of all of the reasons I left and am working on myself!

dandylion

Good for you, Melly Bug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have made an excellent start, in my opinion.

I actually consider it a sigh of good health that you are losing interest in a one-sided relationship. You should never have to live on crumbs!!!

Just keep doing exactly as you are doing, right now.

You can create the kind of life you want for yourself.

dandylion

ladyscribbler

High five Melly! So glad to hear you're doing well. That peace is priceless, isn't it? Take care and enjoy the rest of your week.

HopefulinFLA

Good for you Mellybug!! You're an inspiration! Enjoy your peace.

lillamy

Look at you, Mellybug!!! You are already listening to what he's doing rather than what he's saying -- yay you!!!!

I think when we get some physical distance between us and the A, some things feel better, but we can still be in that "bubble" of dysfunctional thinking. I know I was for a long time.

I surrounded myself with people who would hold me accountable, or people whose judgment I trusted. People who would say "why on EARTH did you promise him to do THAT? You don't want to do that?" and "WHY should you call him to see how he's doing when he hasn't even bothered to pay child support?" and stuff like that.

It's a bit like addiction in that you're so used to a f-d up way of relating to someone that you kind of keep doing it if you don't watch it.

Al-Anon. I kid you not. There were weeks I went to meetings EVERY SINGLE DAY just to get through the week and not do something dumb. I recommend it.

hopeful4

Good for you!!! So glad you are able to watch the actions and see you are worth so much more!

Enjoy your new pad!