Catherine628

I came across this article and thought it was good. It seems this topic gets brought up frequently on this board. I hope the link works.

http://knowledgex.camh.net/amhspecia...nt_drinks.aspx

DesertEyes

They are having a problem with their server and the link was not working, it should be ok now.

Mike
Moderator, SR

HealingWillCome

Catherine, thank you! Even for my kids (they are teens/young-adults) this is good reading. I wish I would have been more open with them about their dad's alcoholism as they were growing up. I didn't know how to approach it. I didn't want them to think less of their dad, just wanted them to have good relationships with him. They were very young when we divorced and my mother-bear protectiveness kicked in, but not in a way that would have helped them to learn about the illness of alcoholism. I wish now that I would have found age-appropriate ways to share with them.

hopeful4

Thank You!

unsureoffuture

Thanks so much for this. I have been discussing this lately with my 8 year old and this has many answers to the things she has been asking me about. I also think its important not to hide it from them because they do know alot more than we are aware of. My DD came to me at the beginning of the year with all these questions. We had never once discussed or even mentiones her dad's alcohol issue. I thought she was oblivious but boy was I wrong.

Catherine628

Its amazing what kids pick up on. I work with kids and the things they say can be quite perceptive.

Chelsea1029

Thank you for this - very helpful!

9111111

Thanks for sharing, lots of great info!

I'm actually not sure what to think about this part:
"Many kids worry about the parent with the alcohol problem. Family support is really important for people with a drinking problem, but it is the adults who are responsible for being the “helpers,” not the kids. "

For me it kinda implies that the sober mom/das has a responsibility to stay with the addicted partner - no matter what.

I read a few people on here were concerned about their children's reaction to "breaking up the family" and feel guilty about leaving an ill person behind, especially when health and life threats as well as potential homelesness are in the picture...

Parents should not be shamed for making healthy decisions for themselves and their children, but this is what this sentence implies to me.

Catherine628

91111 I thought the exact same thing when I read that part. I would be willing to support my AH in recovery but not in active drinking. There is a fine line between helping and enabling. The best help I can give my AH is letting him work his own recovery.

I don't like that part but I think its trying to give kids the message that they are in no way responsible for taking care of the alcoholic.

I was wondering if anyone else would take issue with how that is written.

LightInside

I read your comments about that line before I read the article, so I don't know what my first feeling would have been. I get what they are trying to say. It's up to the adult "helpers" to know that sometimes helping means, " Get the hell out of the way." I don't think I would conclude that it means one should stay with an A, but for an adult who hasn't been exposed to Al Anon or SR, they might think help means a number of not-very-helpful things.
I'm still grieving over my breakup with my child's father, but I'm glad it happened while my son is still young enough that he doesn't have the questions yet. Hopefully he doesn't remember Mom and Dad arguing and screaming and Dad not coming home at night while Mom worried and felt overwhelmed.