Preventing alcoholism in the kids...
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Kids learn much more from actions than words. Surround them with non-drinking healthy people with good attitudes (I was amazed to find these people exist ), keep a good network of friends and family, and physically walk away from harmful environments as often as needed. This is the kicker -- becoming aware of what harmful environments are and being willing to take a stand. My husband's family reunions are part of where I should have drawn the line and walked out with the kids. They're good people and our kids and I often talked openly about the problems with drinking. That wasn't enough. Plenty of nice aunts, uncles and cousins -- drinking at all get togethers of any kind, "just" social stuff, but it all influences kids from what they're used to seeing as a way of behaving and how to deal with everyday life.
Part of the problem with the alcoholic brain is that drinking can make you feel normal. No one plans to be an alcoholic or an addict (or even a codependent, which has so many problems of it's own). It's a chronic disease that sometimes starts out very slowly. Educate them on this. Learn together.
Developing a support network and using it is crucial. Teach your children how to ask for help. Again, doing this and not just talking about it. Find good doctors and counselors who really understand the disease and go to them regularly when they aren't needed, so the kids learn how to reach out on a regular basis. Teach them what being healthy really is about. Let them know they don't need to be perfect.
Alateen or Celebrate Recovery.
Healthy balance in life with work and play. Having hobbies, helping others, living with a grateful attitude. Finding self-esteem and learning how to be happy. All the stuff that comes with recovery for alcoholics and co-dependents. It's never too early to start passing that on.
At some point visiting some open AA meetings may be a possibility. Not to show them that alcoholics are bad, but rather to let them know they're good people who never planned to have this problem and that it's okay for them to go to these meetings. If the process of recovery is familiar to them, it could become easier for them to ask for help if they ever need it.
Part of the problem with the alcoholic brain is that drinking can make you feel normal. No one plans to be an alcoholic or an addict (or even a codependent, which has so many problems of it's own). It's a chronic disease that sometimes starts out very slowly. Educate them on this. Learn together.
Developing a support network and using it is crucial. Teach your children how to ask for help. Again, doing this and not just talking about it. Find good doctors and counselors who really understand the disease and go to them regularly when they aren't needed, so the kids learn how to reach out on a regular basis. Teach them what being healthy really is about. Let them know they don't need to be perfect.
Alateen or Celebrate Recovery.
Healthy balance in life with work and play. Having hobbies, helping others, living with a grateful attitude. Finding self-esteem and learning how to be happy. All the stuff that comes with recovery for alcoholics and co-dependents. It's never too early to start passing that on.
At some point visiting some open AA meetings may be a possibility. Not to show them that alcoholics are bad, but rather to let them know they're good people who never planned to have this problem and that it's okay for them to go to these meetings. If the process of recovery is familiar to them, it could become easier for them to ask for help if they ever need it.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
if one or both the parents are alcoholics obviously drinking around your kids would be out. However if there isn't alcoholism in the family I don't believe sheltering your kids and not allowing any alcohol in your house is the best route. i also don't believe
anybody becomes an alcoholic the second they take their first sip of alcohol. I also don't believe anybody is born an alcoholic. Not allowing alcohol in your house and forbidding your children to drink it elsewhere...then when the turn 18 hope that they never touch the stuff? That doesn't seem absurd to any of you?
anybody becomes an alcoholic the second they take their first sip of alcohol. I also don't believe anybody is born an alcoholic. Not allowing alcohol in your house and forbidding your children to drink it elsewhere...then when the turn 18 hope that they never touch the stuff? That doesn't seem absurd to any of you?
if one or both the parents are alcoholics obviously drinking around your kids would be out. However if there isn't alcoholism in the family I don't believe sheltering your kids and not allowing any alcohol in your house is the best route. i also don't believe
anybody becomes an alcoholic the second they take their first sip of alcohol. I also don't believe anybody is born an alcoholic. Not allowing alcohol in your house and forbidding your children to drink it elsewhere...then when the turn 18 hope that they never touch the stuff? That doesn't seem absurd to any of you?
anybody becomes an alcoholic the second they take their first sip of alcohol. I also don't believe anybody is born an alcoholic. Not allowing alcohol in your house and forbidding your children to drink it elsewhere...then when the turn 18 hope that they never touch the stuff? That doesn't seem absurd to any of you?
No it doesn't seem absurd at all. What are you suggesting, that kids can be taught to moderate if they have a propensity to be alcoholics?
The best thing to teach them is that it's better to never even start, problem averted.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
I was an alcoholic from the very first drink.
No it doesn't seem absurd at all. What are you suggesting, that kids can be taught to moderate if they have a propensity to be alcoholics?
The best thing to teach them is that it's better to never even start, problem averted.
No it doesn't seem absurd at all. What are you suggesting, that kids can be taught to moderate if they have a propensity to be alcoholics?
The best thing to teach them is that it's better to never even start, problem averted.
Would that have made a difference? I don't know.
But some kids don't do that. And some can and do rebel without being self destructive.
At the end of the day, the hard painful truth here is that there is nothing that you can do to prevent your kids from becoming an alcoholic. Nothing anymore than anyone else.
To think you can control someone else's addiction is the first thing in being codependent.
You can try and give them as much information and skills and tools as possible, but at some point, you just have to stand back and let them do whatever they do.
It's certainly a thought that I'm struggling with, but I know I'm much better suited to deal with it now, sober.
Let go and Let God has to be the main thing to take from this. Genes will be genes.
You can try to limit exposure in the home but sooner or later they will encounter it in the wider world, all you can do is educate them about addiction/stress management, and talk to them about how their first alcohol experience made them feel when it comes. *
I had a parent with a drink problem, my other parent tried that "responsible drinking" approach, glasses of beer/wine with meals etc.
I thought it tasted foul and to be honest, it's a bit like watching a film with love scenes/nudity with Mom & Dad - I couldn't even tell whether i enjoyed the effect or not, so much as i definitely did not want to be experiencing any effects in front of my Parents. I'm trying to mind my Ps & Qs thankyou very much, this isn't welcome!
I'm not sure how any of this prepared me for my first real exposure to drink, which was experienced at the age of 16 with my peers.
*And yes, if you asked me a day after what i thought, i'd say "i love it!"
But what i loved wasn't really the drink. It was the occasion.
I was a shy, only child and we'd moved to a different part of the country when i was 13. It had few friends and didn't do much socialising outside of school.
This was my first house party, the first time i met up with more than two of my peers outside of school, and the first time i got to interact with girls outside of school in any capacity. Being drunk allowed us to cast off our regular schoolday personas and actually behave the way we wanted - outgoing, fun loving etc.
This is something that drives much binge drinking in the UK i think - the feeling that we can't be ourselves and have fun or talk to the opposite sex in a normal state of mind.
As for glasses of wine with meals, it's not something i continued with as an adult. I'd rather eat the same number of calories in a nice pudding, and not be left with a head like pea soup for whatever book/film/computer game i'm doing afterward.
You can try to limit exposure in the home but sooner or later they will encounter it in the wider world, all you can do is educate them about addiction/stress management, and talk to them about how their first alcohol experience made them feel when it comes. *
I had a parent with a drink problem, my other parent tried that "responsible drinking" approach, glasses of beer/wine with meals etc.
I thought it tasted foul and to be honest, it's a bit like watching a film with love scenes/nudity with Mom & Dad - I couldn't even tell whether i enjoyed the effect or not, so much as i definitely did not want to be experiencing any effects in front of my Parents. I'm trying to mind my Ps & Qs thankyou very much, this isn't welcome!
I'm not sure how any of this prepared me for my first real exposure to drink, which was experienced at the age of 16 with my peers.
*And yes, if you asked me a day after what i thought, i'd say "i love it!"
But what i loved wasn't really the drink. It was the occasion.
I was a shy, only child and we'd moved to a different part of the country when i was 13. It had few friends and didn't do much socialising outside of school.
This was my first house party, the first time i met up with more than two of my peers outside of school, and the first time i got to interact with girls outside of school in any capacity. Being drunk allowed us to cast off our regular schoolday personas and actually behave the way we wanted - outgoing, fun loving etc.
This is something that drives much binge drinking in the UK i think - the feeling that we can't be ourselves and have fun or talk to the opposite sex in a normal state of mind.
As for glasses of wine with meals, it's not something i continued with as an adult. I'd rather eat the same number of calories in a nice pudding, and not be left with a head like pea soup for whatever book/film/computer game i'm doing afterward.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 232
Cabo,
I definately agree about making a particular fruit forbidden only adds to the allure and temptation, especially to kids.
Is definately not a subject where its a commandment from a supreme authority, without any further explanation or demonstration of the consequences.
Explaning the toxic effects that booze, cigarettes, pot, etc, can do to a person, then showing the outcome(like the before and after pics of meth users, the commercials of former cigarette smokers, etc), as well our own dysfunctional family environment(lies, deception, lack of trust) as a more than potential outcome, especially when they're more predisposed to it than kids who don't have alcoholics in their immediate family.
As for offering it at the dinner table, its like offering them a little bit of mushrooms, knowing it could be poisonous if the kids have a certain type genetic make up, but not knowing with utmost certainty.
Why risk it?
I definately agree about making a particular fruit forbidden only adds to the allure and temptation, especially to kids.
Is definately not a subject where its a commandment from a supreme authority, without any further explanation or demonstration of the consequences.
Explaning the toxic effects that booze, cigarettes, pot, etc, can do to a person, then showing the outcome(like the before and after pics of meth users, the commercials of former cigarette smokers, etc), as well our own dysfunctional family environment(lies, deception, lack of trust) as a more than potential outcome, especially when they're more predisposed to it than kids who don't have alcoholics in their immediate family.
As for offering it at the dinner table, its like offering them a little bit of mushrooms, knowing it could be poisonous if the kids have a certain type genetic make up, but not knowing with utmost certainty.
Why risk it?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
well
I guess when can all agree that no parent is perfect even if they are up to date on all the best parenting methods lol. We also can agree that above all else you should love your children with all your heart and have that intent before you produce them.
I guess when can all agree that no parent is perfect even if they are up to date on all the best parenting methods lol. We also can agree that above all else you should love your children with all your heart and have that intent before you produce them.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 93
Great Question.
I just read a research article that suggests not allowing your children to consume alcohol before the brain is developed if they have the gene. The age they suggested was 20. It has to do with abnormal amounts of dopamine being released. I'm remembering my high school days and I know this will be extremely difficult if not impossible, but I'm planning on educating the importance of this and why. Not sure if that will work or not, but I'm still going to try my best.
I just read a research article that suggests not allowing your children to consume alcohol before the brain is developed if they have the gene. The age they suggested was 20. It has to do with abnormal amounts of dopamine being released. I'm remembering my high school days and I know this will be extremely difficult if not impossible, but I'm planning on educating the importance of this and why. Not sure if that will work or not, but I'm still going to try my best.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
Great Question.
I just read a research article that suggests not allowing your children to consume alcohol before the brain is developed if they have the gene. The age they suggested was 20. It has to do with abnormal amounts of dopamine being released. I'm remembering my high school days and I know this will be extremely difficult if not impossible, but I'm planning on educating the importance of this and why. Not sure if that will work or not, but I'm still going to try my best.
I just read a research article that suggests not allowing your children to consume alcohol before the brain is developed if they have the gene. The age they suggested was 20. It has to do with abnormal amounts of dopamine being released. I'm remembering my high school days and I know this will be extremely difficult if not impossible, but I'm planning on educating the importance of this and why. Not sure if that will work or not, but I'm still going to try my best.
This is why I don't buy into sheltering your kids from booze because they are predisposed to alcohol addiction.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 93
Substance Abuse - What Drives Alcohol Addiction - Wake Forest Baptist Health
Still need to find the one that suggests the age of 20 but its somewhere on this website. This research center in NC (Wake Baptist) specifically looks at the neurochemistry of the brain. As a researcher myself, I find this extremely interesting and promising.
Still need to find the one that suggests the age of 20 but its somewhere on this website. This research center in NC (Wake Baptist) specifically looks at the neurochemistry of the brain. As a researcher myself, I find this extremely interesting and promising.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
The best thing to teach them is that it's better to never even start, problem averted.
I strongly disagree with providing your kids with alcohol like cabo suggests but I do not disagree with displaying and teaching children what adult moderate consumption and use looks like.
I have Mormon friends who have never ever had a drink but they are the ONLY people I know that don't drink or have alcohol at parties because its a core belief that they not harm their bodies and alcohol falls into that belief. Otherwise alcohol is an integral part of adult socializing and special events. It just is.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
I follow you may be looking for a simple answer to a complex problem?
(pause and think about that a minute)
What seems to occur with the First Drink and Hooked kids -- is more like a brain function (or dysfunction) abnormality. The kids' profiles are that they may have higher emotional stress issues -- they tend to feel things a little stronger and a little longer than most people. Not a bad thing, but a ways out of the normal profile. Being in a heightened emotional state is stressful.
The First Drink -- as a kid -- like someone said Beer in a Dixie Cup -- while many kids say yecchhh -- for the Predisposed Heightened Emotion State kid (is that better than saying "gene?") who gets that First Ethanol contact -- it tends to sedate the emotion level. While also bombing out judgement, empathy and all sorts of other Needed Areas.
It is like WOW! That is what has been missing!
When such a kid gets that First Beer in a Dixie Cup . . . they do not just drink their own, but all the other kids' as well, and send the other kids back to get them more.
That is sort of what I understand Double Barrel is describing, pretty much how Mrs. Hammer described her condition, along with probably 100's I have now met through AA.
Anatomy and Physiology has little to do with whether you understand or "buy in" to it. It just is.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
The "gene" description is generally a descriptive "short hand."
I follow you may be looking for a simple answer to a complex problem?
(pause and think about that a minute)
What seems to occur with the First Drink and Hooked kids -- is more like a brain function (or dysfunction) abnormality. The kids' profiles are that they may have higher emotional stress issues -- they tend to feel things a little stronger and a little longer than most people. Not a bad thing, but a ways out of the normal profile. Being in a heightened emotional state is stressful.
The First Drink -- as a kid -- like someone said Beer in a Dixie Cup -- while many kids say yecchhh -- for the Predisposed Heightened Emotion State kid (is that better than saying "gene?") who gets that First Ethanol contact -- it tends to sedate the emotion level. While also bombing out judgement, empathy and all sorts of other Needed Areas.
It is like WOW! That is what has been missing!
When such a kid gets that First Beer in a Dixie Cup . . . they do not just drink their own, but all the other kids' as well, and send the other kids back to get them more.
That is sort of what I understand Double Barrel is describing, pretty much how Mrs. Hammer described her condition, along with probably 100's I have now met through AA.
Anatomy and Physiology has little to do with whether you understand or "buy in" to it. It just is.
I follow you may be looking for a simple answer to a complex problem?
(pause and think about that a minute)
What seems to occur with the First Drink and Hooked kids -- is more like a brain function (or dysfunction) abnormality. The kids' profiles are that they may have higher emotional stress issues -- they tend to feel things a little stronger and a little longer than most people. Not a bad thing, but a ways out of the normal profile. Being in a heightened emotional state is stressful.
The First Drink -- as a kid -- like someone said Beer in a Dixie Cup -- while many kids say yecchhh -- for the Predisposed Heightened Emotion State kid (is that better than saying "gene?") who gets that First Ethanol contact -- it tends to sedate the emotion level. While also bombing out judgement, empathy and all sorts of other Needed Areas.
It is like WOW! That is what has been missing!
When such a kid gets that First Beer in a Dixie Cup . . . they do not just drink their own, but all the other kids' as well, and send the other kids back to get them more.
That is sort of what I understand Double Barrel is describing, pretty much how Mrs. Hammer described her condition, along with probably 100's I have now met through AA.
Anatomy and Physiology has little to do with whether you understand or "buy in" to it. It just is.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
I grew up in a home where one parent was AA sober (close to 45 years now) and the other was an active alcoholic.
At a very young age I was told about alcoholism and that I needed to be careful. That it can be genetic. That dad can never drink again, it's like allergy. He just can't do it. I heard stories about how dad had his last rights read to him several times in his 20's. How he was fired from jobs, kicked out of the military. He almost died.
So -- I knew more than the average 10 year old for sure.
When I got to the age that I was curious -- my dad was fanatical about me not drinking, not tasting mom's drinks. To the point that he'd get mad and yell. I know now it because he was fearful but it affected me. I was one of those kids who wanted to do what ever it is you tell me not to do.
I'm not an alcoholic because of anything my parents did or did not do. It's on me. Genetics or not. I made some pretty screwed up decisions in my life and they are all on me. I can say that today, but years ago, during my drinking, I put plenty of blame on both my parents.
My mom's alcoholism wasn't in full force until the time I graduated from HS. It affected me for sure but to be honest, at that point I was in full swing myself.
My mom, dad, and myself are all sober today.
At a very young age I was told about alcoholism and that I needed to be careful. That it can be genetic. That dad can never drink again, it's like allergy. He just can't do it. I heard stories about how dad had his last rights read to him several times in his 20's. How he was fired from jobs, kicked out of the military. He almost died.
So -- I knew more than the average 10 year old for sure.
When I got to the age that I was curious -- my dad was fanatical about me not drinking, not tasting mom's drinks. To the point that he'd get mad and yell. I know now it because he was fearful but it affected me. I was one of those kids who wanted to do what ever it is you tell me not to do.
I'm not an alcoholic because of anything my parents did or did not do. It's on me. Genetics or not. I made some pretty screwed up decisions in my life and they are all on me. I can say that today, but years ago, during my drinking, I put plenty of blame on both my parents.
My mom's alcoholism wasn't in full force until the time I graduated from HS. It affected me for sure but to be honest, at that point I was in full swing myself.
My mom, dad, and myself are all sober today.
DS had a bracelet on last night. I said, what is that it looks like a DNA Helix? Lo and behold it was. But I digress. It is nature-nurture in my opinion and I leave a lot of this GWAS and fMRI to my HP and seriously crazy smart people. But I can read a table and the summary of a journal article with an eye to the future and my qualifier's behavior as well as any concerned parent/partner.
Here are some current research studies going on as part of a consortium in the USA and Australia. Hammer - Project 6... There is also a listing of previous projects and their may be recent published materials out there. In fact I see there are some PDFs under the Guze Symposiums which will probably have some interesting info that the popular press has not poorly reported.
Pages - CurrentProjects
Here are some current research studies going on as part of a consortium in the USA and Australia. Hammer - Project 6... There is also a listing of previous projects and their may be recent published materials out there. In fact I see there are some PDFs under the Guze Symposiums which will probably have some interesting info that the popular press has not poorly reported.
Pages - CurrentProjects
I am probably a pretty good study in alcoholism. My mother got sober 36 years ago when I was 13. Her mother died an active alcoholic. I was the oldest and before my mother got sober I believe the trauma of living with active alcoholism impacted me in a major way. I knew as much or more as anyone, AA was a MAJOR part of my later upbringing, I was always at meetings with my mother.
Still, my own relationship with alcohol was fairly normal. I drank in high school and college but not outside of what was considered standard. I was aware of what to look for and in my 20's after a night when I was fuzzy about the ending I started AA for myself. I wasn't there yet, alcohol simply wasn't that central to my life. I would go a couple of weeks and not even think about drinking. I don't remember even having alcohol in my apt in my 20's.
Got married, early 30's, still alcohol was only a small part of the equation. Bottles of wine would need to be dusted they sat on shelves for so long. But episodic nights once again, a bit more often. Alcohol still wasn't my go to though.
Then in my 40's, not working, child in school, no real responsibilities…daily drinking started off very slowly. The one question that has always nagged me is if I sort of bought into the "I'm doomed anyways, might as well go there". I never tried to moderate, or switch drinks, I knew all the tricks of the trade. I have a chronic pain issue so when benzos were added everything accelerated. I got help on my own….
So I don't know. I have a 9 year old daughter and we talk in very simple terms about drugs and alcohol. I think the one, most important thing I can give her that I was not given, is affirmation and respect. I discovered late in life that alcohol reduced the stress of being a pleaser and an overachiever. Yes, I will educate her about substances, but most importantly, I will try to help guide her so that she feels comfortable in her own skin, entitled to have a place and a voice, strong but kind. It was the disconnect between what I felt and my ability to be authentic that caused the chasm I was trying to fill with alcohol. It was the chaos and insanity I lived with during really important years that caused chronic anxiety, being hyper vigilant ultimately takes it toll.
My
take, learning coping skills and having validation as a child is really really important , without these a child will survive but often with holes that no one can see. Later in life they look outside to fill up these gaps and using substances can often be the option.
Still, my own relationship with alcohol was fairly normal. I drank in high school and college but not outside of what was considered standard. I was aware of what to look for and in my 20's after a night when I was fuzzy about the ending I started AA for myself. I wasn't there yet, alcohol simply wasn't that central to my life. I would go a couple of weeks and not even think about drinking. I don't remember even having alcohol in my apt in my 20's.
Got married, early 30's, still alcohol was only a small part of the equation. Bottles of wine would need to be dusted they sat on shelves for so long. But episodic nights once again, a bit more often. Alcohol still wasn't my go to though.
Then in my 40's, not working, child in school, no real responsibilities…daily drinking started off very slowly. The one question that has always nagged me is if I sort of bought into the "I'm doomed anyways, might as well go there". I never tried to moderate, or switch drinks, I knew all the tricks of the trade. I have a chronic pain issue so when benzos were added everything accelerated. I got help on my own….
So I don't know. I have a 9 year old daughter and we talk in very simple terms about drugs and alcohol. I think the one, most important thing I can give her that I was not given, is affirmation and respect. I discovered late in life that alcohol reduced the stress of being a pleaser and an overachiever. Yes, I will educate her about substances, but most importantly, I will try to help guide her so that she feels comfortable in her own skin, entitled to have a place and a voice, strong but kind. It was the disconnect between what I felt and my ability to be authentic that caused the chasm I was trying to fill with alcohol. It was the chaos and insanity I lived with during really important years that caused chronic anxiety, being hyper vigilant ultimately takes it toll.
My
take, learning coping skills and having validation as a child is really really important , without these a child will survive but often with holes that no one can see. Later in life they look outside to fill up these gaps and using substances can often be the option.
While I won't agree with serving children alcohol in moderation, in any way, until they are of legal drinking age, I also can't agree that sheltering them from it 100% completely is rational either. I personally don't feel comfortable living with extremes of any kind like that, and I am not comfortable using fear as a catalyst to get my point across. I can't put her in a bubble because the rest of the World still exists no matter how tightly I try to block it out. To me the risk there is when that bubble bursts & leaves her feeling vulnerable, & that is NOT when I want her to be indecisive due to fear.
For me, it did make a difference. I knew the basics of addiction as a young teen watching my AF become sober. Then, it was so much more about drugs than alcohol, we know waaaaay more now. His willingness to share openly & respectfully with me helped me to at least be aware of what boundaries might become necessary in my future. Sounds silly, but for me it helped to even just be aware of terminology & the slang that accompanies a lot of this atmosphere. I KNEW what was being offered, what people were talking about.
Yes, I still made the decision to drink. Yes, I drank to excess many times in my college days & my party-with-the-band days. And I made that decision in part due to my own curiosity & in part due to peer pressure. But from the get-go I had very clear boundaries about other drugs & substances. I never wavered in that decision because I have always been utterly confident that it is the right one for me. (again, at the time the Evil Eye was on drugs - mainstream alcoholism wasn't, IMO, largely understood... I'm sure that plays into my decision making about seeing drugs & alcohol as categorically different for a long time.)
Completely agree ^ This is what it all comes down to eventually. You can educate until you are blue in the face but there is NO accounting for how they will handle it emotionally when the choice is in front of them. My best bet, again IMO, is to help her learn how to develop trust in herself & her instincts. To give her the tools to be able to draw & maintain boundaries. In this way, I believe that being healthy in our own recoveries gives them the best/earliest opportunity to use the tools they develop to avoid the issues (proactive) rather than heal from them the way we are (reactive). That whole "putting on your oxygen mask first" thing.
It also helps to be able to examine it generationally as well - to have the secret out of the closet & have open conversation & to embrace the understanding of it all better, earlier, more realistically with each generation. With DD I can help draw a picture that traces back 3 generations so she can understand the larger pattern in a way that wasn't done for me & that will surely play into her decision making - she simply has more information to draw from.
It worked out for me & I don't discount that maybe I just got lucky. Or maybe I was able to avoid alcohol dependency because my REAL addiction issues are related more to sugar - another topic altogether.
And they were very authoritarian without actually sitting down and explaining things or talking to me with respect.
Would that have made a difference? I don't know.
Would that have made a difference? I don't know.
For me, it did make a difference. I knew the basics of addiction as a young teen watching my AF become sober. Then, it was so much more about drugs than alcohol, we know waaaaay more now. His willingness to share openly & respectfully with me helped me to at least be aware of what boundaries might become necessary in my future. Sounds silly, but for me it helped to even just be aware of terminology & the slang that accompanies a lot of this atmosphere. I KNEW what was being offered, what people were talking about.
Yes, I still made the decision to drink. Yes, I drank to excess many times in my college days & my party-with-the-band days. And I made that decision in part due to my own curiosity & in part due to peer pressure. But from the get-go I had very clear boundaries about other drugs & substances. I never wavered in that decision because I have always been utterly confident that it is the right one for me. (again, at the time the Evil Eye was on drugs - mainstream alcoholism wasn't, IMO, largely understood... I'm sure that plays into my decision making about seeing drugs & alcohol as categorically different for a long time.)
You can try and give them as much information and skills and tools as possible, but at some point, you just have to stand back and let them do whatever they do.
It also helps to be able to examine it generationally as well - to have the secret out of the closet & have open conversation & to embrace the understanding of it all better, earlier, more realistically with each generation. With DD I can help draw a picture that traces back 3 generations so she can understand the larger pattern in a way that wasn't done for me & that will surely play into her decision making - she simply has more information to draw from.
It worked out for me & I don't discount that maybe I just got lucky. Or maybe I was able to avoid alcohol dependency because my REAL addiction issues are related more to sugar - another topic altogether.
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