SO! It's Been Awhile....
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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SO! It's Been Awhile....
I figured I should post something because it's been like, a year.
So, this year has been rough, in general. I kicked out the ABF in June, got accepted to law school (awesome!) in August, got fired from my job for going to law school in August, let the ABF back in in October, got a new job in October, totaled my car in October, kicked the ABF out (for good this time) in November, had two kids' birthdays to deal with in November, finished my first semester in December, got my older son on some desperately needed medication in December, started school again in January, and currently I work/go to law school/raise two kids alone.
Yeah, it sucks. Trust me, it's horrible, law school is much harder than I thought it would be. And really, that is the only reason why I let him back in my house in October, because I was seriously struggling emotionally and financially with the kids. For once, he did help with the bills, which was good, because I didn't have any income coming in. He understood that we were done, but he was there to help with the kids, and the arrangement worked well until he stole my brand new car.
Yeah, in the middle of the night, he waited until I went to bed, and went to the liquor store. I have this on tape. He left at 10:43 and came back at 10:52. I filed a police report, and the idiot cop didn't believe me, even WITH the tape. I told him I don't care if he was gone 9 SECONDS he drank and drove IN MY CAR! Which is illegal! So the cop, ignoramus that he is, said there is NO way someone can drive to the liquor store, drink while there, and come back drunk in 9 minutes. Now legally, I can't say he was drunk, I didn't breathalyze him, but he was drunk when I noticed he came back, so his BAC was definitely rising while he was in the car. I have a zero tolerance alcohol policy in my car, I don't care what the law says. So anyway, the cop was an...ignoramus, like I said, and didn't believe me. So I kicked him out for good.
My new job requires me to go to all these different stores, because I am a vendor. I have been to the store that he works at several times, and I have not seen him since November 18, when I kicked him out. He did call me on Valentine's day, which shocked me. So anyway, going to his store, the store manager kept trying to get me to talk to him, and finally, on Friday, I broke down and brought the kids in to see him.
I am not getting back together with him. I don't have the time or energy to deal with him, and school comes first. But the 7 year old's sperm donor, I accidentally ran into him a few months ago, while working, and although he didn't see me, I saw him. I mentioned him in an earlier post, so I don't want to talk about it again because talking about it really upsets me, but he really did some psychological damage to me. I spent the last 7 years hiding from him and anyone he knows (and we live in a very small town so it is very hard), and when I have to work at the store he works at, it is very stressful on me. I just didn't think I could handle the psychological stress of doing this to myself for another 7 years.
So, long story short, I stopped not talking to the XABF, but only for my sanity. If he wants to see the kids, it's not the end of the world, I have homework to do anyway, so I don't really see the issue with him coming over (because he is still actively drinking, of course, and I can't trust him to be sober with the kids around) and playing with them for a little bit while I, oh, I don't know, take a shower or a nap or something. I am exhausted, tired, broke, and under an incredible amount of stress.
I don't even know what I am trying to say. I guess I am looking for some vindication, for talking to him again, but in all honesty, I don't care what he does anyway-he's not going to do it around me or the kids. I don't know if I made the right decision in the long term, but in the short term, I feel better today than I did on Friday regarding how I was handling that situation.
Sorry for the ultra long post, I am tired and rambling.
So, this year has been rough, in general. I kicked out the ABF in June, got accepted to law school (awesome!) in August, got fired from my job for going to law school in August, let the ABF back in in October, got a new job in October, totaled my car in October, kicked the ABF out (for good this time) in November, had two kids' birthdays to deal with in November, finished my first semester in December, got my older son on some desperately needed medication in December, started school again in January, and currently I work/go to law school/raise two kids alone.
Yeah, it sucks. Trust me, it's horrible, law school is much harder than I thought it would be. And really, that is the only reason why I let him back in my house in October, because I was seriously struggling emotionally and financially with the kids. For once, he did help with the bills, which was good, because I didn't have any income coming in. He understood that we were done, but he was there to help with the kids, and the arrangement worked well until he stole my brand new car.
Yeah, in the middle of the night, he waited until I went to bed, and went to the liquor store. I have this on tape. He left at 10:43 and came back at 10:52. I filed a police report, and the idiot cop didn't believe me, even WITH the tape. I told him I don't care if he was gone 9 SECONDS he drank and drove IN MY CAR! Which is illegal! So the cop, ignoramus that he is, said there is NO way someone can drive to the liquor store, drink while there, and come back drunk in 9 minutes. Now legally, I can't say he was drunk, I didn't breathalyze him, but he was drunk when I noticed he came back, so his BAC was definitely rising while he was in the car. I have a zero tolerance alcohol policy in my car, I don't care what the law says. So anyway, the cop was an...ignoramus, like I said, and didn't believe me. So I kicked him out for good.
My new job requires me to go to all these different stores, because I am a vendor. I have been to the store that he works at several times, and I have not seen him since November 18, when I kicked him out. He did call me on Valentine's day, which shocked me. So anyway, going to his store, the store manager kept trying to get me to talk to him, and finally, on Friday, I broke down and brought the kids in to see him.
I am not getting back together with him. I don't have the time or energy to deal with him, and school comes first. But the 7 year old's sperm donor, I accidentally ran into him a few months ago, while working, and although he didn't see me, I saw him. I mentioned him in an earlier post, so I don't want to talk about it again because talking about it really upsets me, but he really did some psychological damage to me. I spent the last 7 years hiding from him and anyone he knows (and we live in a very small town so it is very hard), and when I have to work at the store he works at, it is very stressful on me. I just didn't think I could handle the psychological stress of doing this to myself for another 7 years.
So, long story short, I stopped not talking to the XABF, but only for my sanity. If he wants to see the kids, it's not the end of the world, I have homework to do anyway, so I don't really see the issue with him coming over (because he is still actively drinking, of course, and I can't trust him to be sober with the kids around) and playing with them for a little bit while I, oh, I don't know, take a shower or a nap or something. I am exhausted, tired, broke, and under an incredible amount of stress.
I don't even know what I am trying to say. I guess I am looking for some vindication, for talking to him again, but in all honesty, I don't care what he does anyway-he's not going to do it around me or the kids. I don't know if I made the right decision in the long term, but in the short term, I feel better today than I did on Friday regarding how I was handling that situation.
Sorry for the ultra long post, I am tired and rambling.
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