called the police, she came to my door
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Join Date: Jun 2013
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Wow. I guess the terror you hear from me is that I have never underestimated her. She's an impressive person. In every sense of the word...
Makes me think of this lol: Estimate Me - YouTube
Need a laugh.
Makes me think of this lol: Estimate Me - YouTube
Need a laugh.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 258
Blake, my heart goes out to you. You have so much on your plate to deal with and process through. Do you have a friend or family member who can just be with you for a while and help you out with writing mails and making calls and all that stuff?
When I was in a similar situation I think I would have lost my mind if it wouldn't have been for my best friend holding my hand and picking me up when most people - who didn't understand what I was suffering through - made me feel like a crazy drowning alien.
When I was in a similar situation I think I would have lost my mind if it wouldn't have been for my best friend holding my hand and picking me up when most people - who didn't understand what I was suffering through - made me feel like a crazy drowning alien.
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Crazy drowning alien. That about sums it up, 9111111. I'm sorry you had to go through it. Thank you for your support. I haven't forgotten your replies.
Like a true codie in denial, I never told my parents about her problems until after it was over. They absolutely loved her and were expecting a wedding. They are helping me with some funds now. And since alcohol is not an accepted libation in my house (i think i've seen my parents have 2 glasses of wine my entire life), this never would have been accepted. But I wanted it to get better, thought it would. They know about her hitting me. My conversation with them was initially a bit saddening. My mom said "I guess we didn't raise you very well." My fault again. But I think they understand more now that I confessed that my therapist is treating me for trauma.
I have a therapist who is a godsend. Of course, this happened the week she's on vacation lol. I don't know many people in my immediate metro area, but I have some supportive coworkers. Not having a huge support network is part of what allowed me to get so enmeshed with her - we became the nexus of each others' worlds (well, alcohol for her i guess, then me in second. close second? idk). But we were inseparable.
My parents have offered to fly out to me, but I might go home for a week. I don't know. Thing is, I work in a high security complex for the US gov't, with k9 units and perimeters, so being at work is one of the best parts of my day lol. It's like a soothing balm going through the security checkpoints everyday.
You all are helping too, you know. My mind is addled and mixed up and scared, but I have the ability to execute. I'm just so tired of being on alert. And I had just gotten used to not being on alert. Just starting to eat, and sleep without pills again.
Like a true codie in denial, I never told my parents about her problems until after it was over. They absolutely loved her and were expecting a wedding. They are helping me with some funds now. And since alcohol is not an accepted libation in my house (i think i've seen my parents have 2 glasses of wine my entire life), this never would have been accepted. But I wanted it to get better, thought it would. They know about her hitting me. My conversation with them was initially a bit saddening. My mom said "I guess we didn't raise you very well." My fault again. But I think they understand more now that I confessed that my therapist is treating me for trauma.
I have a therapist who is a godsend. Of course, this happened the week she's on vacation lol. I don't know many people in my immediate metro area, but I have some supportive coworkers. Not having a huge support network is part of what allowed me to get so enmeshed with her - we became the nexus of each others' worlds (well, alcohol for her i guess, then me in second. close second? idk). But we were inseparable.
My parents have offered to fly out to me, but I might go home for a week. I don't know. Thing is, I work in a high security complex for the US gov't, with k9 units and perimeters, so being at work is one of the best parts of my day lol. It's like a soothing balm going through the security checkpoints everyday.
You all are helping too, you know. My mind is addled and mixed up and scared, but I have the ability to execute. I'm just so tired of being on alert. And I had just gotten used to not being on alert. Just starting to eat, and sleep without pills again.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Blake, I am so sorry for what you are going through.
It may be that you are dealing with some PTSD as well as a current and literal threat. You might want to look at dealing with both of those, but separately.
With this kind of an assault and arrest history, if it were me, I'd go very proactive about protecting myself. As for the police not having the 911 report or , if I read you post correctly, not having a report filed for their visit to your apartment house, I'd make a written complaint to a police supervisor at the police station. I'd include the information about her prior behavior, her threats including to shoot people in her family, the court/police records about her prior arrests and DUIs. Tell them that you need their help and you are now pointing that out in writing since conversations with the police have not accomplished what you need to stay safe. It is not acceptable for them to tell YOU to pursue the report by chasing down an officer; you have the right to require the supervisor to get that done, or potentially suffer the consequences should something happen to you.
I wouldn't worry about phrasing a letter to your apartment manager in a way that is not critical or angry. If you can find the building's owner, get directly in contact with them. Somebody in that hierarchy will understand that their negligence is potentially going to result in a lawsuit if they don't pay attention and do what they are obligated to do to keep their tenants safe. Put it in writing. Send them the police report that you'll surely get if you complain to the police.
I kind of go back to thinking about PTSD here. It may be that the terror and anxiety your ex-girlfriend has stirred up is causing an emotional PTSD reaction where people become afraid to stand up for their needs because they may be hurt further. I am hearing that in your reluctance to stand up for yourself in these situations. I can remember, after trauma, feeling like a deer frozen in the headlights, unable to run or protect myself.
That happens, and you can surmount it. You have the right to expect that the police and the apartment management will do their jobs, and if they don't, you have the right to make a written record of that, to protest it, and to require that they take the needed actions. Unlike your ex-girlfriend, these are normal people and this normal business for them. Separate dealing with them from how you feel about dealing with your ex girlfriend. Do what you have to do to be safe.
I'd say take the restraining order out. You need all the documentation and support you can get so people understand you need and deserve their support if the situation requires it in the future.
If it were me, I'd move and just disappear. I think it would do you a world of good emotionally to get out of the place where you have all the memories and where the threat is still very alive. Just be careful about leaving a trail of where you've gone. I had my mail forwarded by the Post Office to my son for a number of months so that my new address was not on file.
You have been a victim, but you don't have to be a victim or let anyone victimize you any more. You get a new start whenever you want it.
ShootingStar1
It may be that you are dealing with some PTSD as well as a current and literal threat. You might want to look at dealing with both of those, but separately.
With this kind of an assault and arrest history, if it were me, I'd go very proactive about protecting myself. As for the police not having the 911 report or , if I read you post correctly, not having a report filed for their visit to your apartment house, I'd make a written complaint to a police supervisor at the police station. I'd include the information about her prior behavior, her threats including to shoot people in her family, the court/police records about her prior arrests and DUIs. Tell them that you need their help and you are now pointing that out in writing since conversations with the police have not accomplished what you need to stay safe. It is not acceptable for them to tell YOU to pursue the report by chasing down an officer; you have the right to require the supervisor to get that done, or potentially suffer the consequences should something happen to you.
I wouldn't worry about phrasing a letter to your apartment manager in a way that is not critical or angry. If you can find the building's owner, get directly in contact with them. Somebody in that hierarchy will understand that their negligence is potentially going to result in a lawsuit if they don't pay attention and do what they are obligated to do to keep their tenants safe. Put it in writing. Send them the police report that you'll surely get if you complain to the police.
I kind of go back to thinking about PTSD here. It may be that the terror and anxiety your ex-girlfriend has stirred up is causing an emotional PTSD reaction where people become afraid to stand up for their needs because they may be hurt further. I am hearing that in your reluctance to stand up for yourself in these situations. I can remember, after trauma, feeling like a deer frozen in the headlights, unable to run or protect myself.
That happens, and you can surmount it. You have the right to expect that the police and the apartment management will do their jobs, and if they don't, you have the right to make a written record of that, to protest it, and to require that they take the needed actions. Unlike your ex-girlfriend, these are normal people and this normal business for them. Separate dealing with them from how you feel about dealing with your ex girlfriend. Do what you have to do to be safe.
I'd say take the restraining order out. You need all the documentation and support you can get so people understand you need and deserve their support if the situation requires it in the future.
If it were me, I'd move and just disappear. I think it would do you a world of good emotionally to get out of the place where you have all the memories and where the threat is still very alive. Just be careful about leaving a trail of where you've gone. I had my mail forwarded by the Post Office to my son for a number of months so that my new address was not on file.
You have been a victim, but you don't have to be a victim or let anyone victimize you any more. You get a new start whenever you want it.
ShootingStar1
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GET A RESTRAINING ORDER!!!!!!!!!!!
If she has a rap sheet like that it shouldn't be hard.
If she has a rap sheet like that it shouldn't be hard.
Originally Posted by blake1989 
Thanks Amy. When they came, I could tell they were not extremely concerned. The second officer/partner asked me why I'm shaking as much as I was. I could barely stand still. But I gave them a rundown and by the end they said I definitely need to be careful and protect myself.
I don't even know if I said it in the thread or not. But she was arrested for assaulting her mom. She was arrested and spent a night in jail for assaulting a female police officer. She has 2 DUI's a few months apart (i thought they were farther apart than that - but i found the case records online). There's another arrest I'm unclear about. And I know she stole a car once but got away without being arrested somehow. She told me a story of being out with a friend and holding up a beer bottle to break it on a girl's head, but she didn't, and her friend she was with (another crazy gal), pushed the girl down and kicked her. Then they ran off before the police got there. Yes, my ex is a petite, skinny person. If anyone saw her they'd ask me what are you scared of. It's her talk of obtaining things that could hurt anyone that scares me, and my belief that she's capable of it because during a few blackouts she'd talk about how I have everything to lose and she has nothing to lose and she has to protect me. Well, now I left her, and protecting me may not be as much on her mind as it used to be. Thanks Amy for the pointers.
I don't even know if I said it in the thread or not. But she was arrested for assaulting her mom. She was arrested and spent a night in jail for assaulting a female police officer. She has 2 DUI's a few months apart (i thought they were farther apart than that - but i found the case records online). There's another arrest I'm unclear about. And I know she stole a car once but got away without being arrested somehow. She told me a story of being out with a friend and holding up a beer bottle to break it on a girl's head, but she didn't, and her friend she was with (another crazy gal), pushed the girl down and kicked her. Then they ran off before the police got there. Yes, my ex is a petite, skinny person. If anyone saw her they'd ask me what are you scared of. It's her talk of obtaining things that could hurt anyone that scares me, and my belief that she's capable of it because during a few blackouts she'd talk about how I have everything to lose and she has nothing to lose and she has to protect me. Well, now I left her, and protecting me may not be as much on her mind as it used to be. Thanks Amy for the pointers.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Blake, you already know I volunteer for a Rottweiler rescue. Say the word and I'll have one trained for you in no time. Or we could get you a retired MWD! I think a dog would be good for you in all seriousness, they're loyal companions and like we discussed, they only drink water! 
Hang in there - it's going to get better. I'm so sorry you're going through this and I know how unfair it is. I'm so happy that your parents are being more supportive and I think you should take them up on the offer of coming to visit, or better yet, flying home for a while to regroup. It might do you a world of good to get away from there for a little while.
Hugs.
Hang in there - it's going to get better. I'm so sorry you're going through this and I know how unfair it is. I'm so happy that your parents are being more supportive and I think you should take them up on the offer of coming to visit, or better yet, flying home for a while to regroup. It might do you a world of good to get away from there for a little while.
Hugs.
Originally Posted by hopeful4
Hey my brother in law has a K9 dog, he is bad a$$....you just need to get you one of those....that would take care of all of your issues...and they are awesome dogs!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
It is actually great that your workplace is secure--I was thinking that her next tactic might be to try and talk to you in parking lot, etc.
(again, this happened to me so that's where I come up with this crap) so the fact that she can't get in is very good.
If it is still bothering you in a few weeks, I would consider moving.
Forward mail to parents for awhile, find a new neighborhood, and let it fall behind you.
Keep pursing legal things as needed, however. . .
You will get through this a wiser and stronger man.
This hurts so much because you care.
Sending you a big hug and please relax and try to let things go as much as you can.
That "feeding the vampire" thread someone posted really hits it I think--You don't react or respond,
and the person moves on in search of another person to latch on to.
(again, this happened to me so that's where I come up with this crap) so the fact that she can't get in is very good.
If it is still bothering you in a few weeks, I would consider moving.
Forward mail to parents for awhile, find a new neighborhood, and let it fall behind you.
Keep pursing legal things as needed, however. . .
You will get through this a wiser and stronger man.
This hurts so much because you care.
Sending you a big hug and please relax and try to let things go as much as you can.
That "feeding the vampire" thread someone posted really hits it I think--You don't react or respond,
and the person moves on in search of another person to latch on to.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
It is actually great that your workplace is secure--
Which she will screw with IF she happens to think of it.
Better tell the bossman -- Crazy Chick on your tail.
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Well i should clarify I don't have a top secret clearnce - it's quite a few rungs below that. I just mean there is a lot of 'helpful' physical stuff 'in the way' where I work, if you get what i mean. I actually spent all day today getting my work number changed.
And in other news, the police filed no report. Just called it a 'family disturbance', filed no report. She got away scot free unless she got a dui driving back. That really sucks.
And whadya know Hawkeye, she was obsessed with vampires lol. Point well taken, in all seriousness.
And in other news, the police filed no report. Just called it a 'family disturbance', filed no report. She got away scot free unless she got a dui driving back. That really sucks.
And whadya know Hawkeye, she was obsessed with vampires lol. Point well taken, in all seriousness.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 847
I was just checking to see how you were doing, as the silent supporter I've already confessed to being. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with and I'm so sorry to hear that. I wish we could all camp out in your living room and keep you safe. We can't of course but it's funny to imagine her face if she got there and this motley crew of everyone who has been behind you all this time was sitting there, a barrier to her scariness. You do have a group of supporters emotionally, we're all there with you in spirit.
It did occur that there is a very small benefit to her being so awful, I bet you wouldn't go back to her now. I pined away after an ex of mine for a year until I found out he had been lying to me and was basically a small time con man. Devastating it was, legally complicated it was, many calls to the police there were, pining away there was no more.
It did occur that there is a very small benefit to her being so awful, I bet you wouldn't go back to her now. I pined away after an ex of mine for a year until I found out he had been lying to me and was basically a small time con man. Devastating it was, legally complicated it was, many calls to the police there were, pining away there was no more.
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Wackybunny, your reply brought tears to my eyes. Happy tears that are different from the stress of this emotional 911 as I've come to call it.
Funny, after a while when things got worse and worse, I was threatened with violence, and finally she hit me, everybody's names on here would often flash in my head. So that image of you all being there is not that far fetched lol.
I don't know what she's capable of and hearing her say 'my boyfriend is in there go ahead and call the police' terrified me. It showed me she's in her periodic 'nothing to lose' frame of mind. And you know what they say about one who has nothing to lose..
It was a busy week at work in relation to this. My work has its own police force. I initially contacted a higher up to simply change my email address because I don't want to receive any potential suicide threats. I still care about her deeply, I can't turn off love just because I'm mourning, and couldn't deal with that. She's attempted 3 times. Who's to say she won't now, or at least inflict that terrible possibility on me.
Anyway, the police have now barred her from setting foot on my work site. My phone number is changed. My 911 call has been noted. One of my bosses referred me to a counseling program - kind of surreal. It felt so weird for my higher ups to learn of this. And nobody judged me. I thought I'd get fired. But it's the opposite. Anyway, I still don't feel safe, and I'm staying with friends as much as I can.
Your support means so much. All of you mean so much.
Funny, after a while when things got worse and worse, I was threatened with violence, and finally she hit me, everybody's names on here would often flash in my head. So that image of you all being there is not that far fetched lol.
I don't know what she's capable of and hearing her say 'my boyfriend is in there go ahead and call the police' terrified me. It showed me she's in her periodic 'nothing to lose' frame of mind. And you know what they say about one who has nothing to lose..
It was a busy week at work in relation to this. My work has its own police force. I initially contacted a higher up to simply change my email address because I don't want to receive any potential suicide threats. I still care about her deeply, I can't turn off love just because I'm mourning, and couldn't deal with that. She's attempted 3 times. Who's to say she won't now, or at least inflict that terrible possibility on me.
Anyway, the police have now barred her from setting foot on my work site. My phone number is changed. My 911 call has been noted. One of my bosses referred me to a counseling program - kind of surreal. It felt so weird for my higher ups to learn of this. And nobody judged me. I thought I'd get fired. But it's the opposite. Anyway, I still don't feel safe, and I'm staying with friends as much as I can.
Your support means so much. All of you mean so much.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
I would go ahead and take them up on the counseling Blake--
Even just a few sessions might get you through the "acute" stuff and maybe
you can start looking at underlying issues (only when you are ready of course) of
why you are attracted to these "rescue" types.
(Speaking as a girl who who liked "bad boy" types myself here)
When can you get out of the lease?
You might be able to use their security failure
and lack of follow up to your advantage here.
It kind of sounds like you need a fresh start with the housing situation.
Big hug to you and know you mean a lot to us also.
Wish we could all camp out and have an alcohol-free Chinese take-out fest
in your living room--wb is spot on with that idea
Be at peace and know that mourning for the good in her is understandable and laudable--
Feel it and let it ebb away in smaller waves.
Spring is finally coming and the Cherry trees will be blooming soon enough.
Even just a few sessions might get you through the "acute" stuff and maybe
you can start looking at underlying issues (only when you are ready of course) of
why you are attracted to these "rescue" types.
(Speaking as a girl who who liked "bad boy" types myself here)
When can you get out of the lease?
You might be able to use their security failure
and lack of follow up to your advantage here.
It kind of sounds like you need a fresh start with the housing situation.
Big hug to you and know you mean a lot to us also.
Wish we could all camp out and have an alcohol-free Chinese take-out fest
in your living room--wb is spot on with that idea
Be at peace and know that mourning for the good in her is understandable and laudable--
Feel it and let it ebb away in smaller waves.
Spring is finally coming and the Cherry trees will be blooming soon enough.
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