iamthird

Separated from AH since 5/2012. We share a 5 year old daughter so we have to interact and co-parent. But the other day he came for her in morning so I could go to work like normal because of our shifts, etc...I left on my commute. I receive a text that says he cannot handle seeing me daily to exchange her, etc. He said it makes him miss me and our family, etc. I told him it is hard for me too but we have to step up for her and co-parent and deal with each other. I asked whats next...youre not going to soccer or school functions next because I am there?

Guess what genius! You could actually have me and your family back if you actually got your act together? Why is that such a foreign concept? This man who once was the center of my universe is just so annoying to me right now. Grow up! You chose this life! Ugh...

Sorry all, just needed an outlet!

Hammer

Yeah. Was thinking that was a TOTAL non-apology, I-am-a-bum-and-going-to-do-even-LESS approach to game you and then this . . .

REALLY?

Just asking. Really?

iamthird

Really. If he was actively working recovery and found sobriety again for a year who knows what could happen. But he is active AH and we are separated and have stayed separated for that reason.

For now I am working on me, my steps and recovery and thats all I can handle right now.

Hammer

I understand.

Just had my Step Sponsor meeting tonight. He is on my ass like stink on sheet. Says I do not have enough "resentments" on my list. T yesterday. Big Steps meeting on Sunday Evening. Alanon Meeting on Monday Evening. And another Alanon meeting this morning, where I stayed around for extra long helping a newbie map out and track the schedules for the three Alanon groups in the area, and then explaining and sending her to a sponsor.

I know everyone thinks my stuff is supposed to be funny.

It is not. Trust me. My crap is not fun and it is not funny.

Sorry I always come off so harsh on you. Sorry. I fully understand your name, and it is what I want, too, and I just speak way too direct. Sorry.

But hey, went back and looked at some of your old stuff. First post by you showing on here is "Angry." But now . . . you are just, "Annoyed." BIG Improvement, I think, right? Progress. Maybe.

Best to you.

Seren

Hi iamthird! It's great to 'see' you here!!

Annoyed, yeah, I would probably be annoyed, too, by that little self-indulgent text of your ex's. Certainly he is not considering his child or your feelings in that.

iamthird

I guess I was so "annoyed" I didnt articulate my thought. Although he annoyed me...I still know it is progress. Before I would have romanticized that text and it would have given me a shred of hope. I would have thought "he still wants us to be together, etc..."

I have grown enough now to see through the fog of the crazy thought process. I can see the comment for being selfish instead of romanticizing it. I have learned to look at actions not words. So yes, progress not perfection! 😊

Stung

My RAH said nearly the EXACT same thing to me a few weeks ago. I told him that was fine, he didn't want to see us because leaving us makes him sad, whatever, don't see us then, his loss. Then I told him to talk to his therapist about it...she basically told him to grow a pair and see his family and that its SUPPOSED to feel bad when you leave your family. That is a CONSEQUENCE!

I think it's almost an attempt at manipulation. Good for you for standing your ground!

hopeful4

I so agree with this. Consequences and manipulation is what this is. He has choices that he made that lead to this, now he has to deal with them.

I am sorry. Tight hugs.

FireSprite

I can DEFINITELY see your growth, iamthird. Sorry you are annoyed, but happy for your progress!!!

Recovering2

Man up....he made the choice to leave so now he gets to deal with the consequences....oh well.
More importantly iamthird, how are YOU doing? How is your health? Hoping you are doing well.

Rosiepetal

You have come so far & you can see it.
Yay for you.
Sorry for the circumstances but it is his loss not yours.
You're worth so much more.
Hugs.

iamthird

My health is getting better each day! I still suffer some hearing loss resultant of the chemo/radiation treatments to my head/neck area but it is supposed to come back gradually over time. Insurance wont cover hearing aids because it is "temporary hearing loss" but they submitted me for a candidate for a grant. We will see...regular price is $3700 for 2 because I need 2 because hearing loss is in both ears. But like I tell my kids...Id rather live with hearing slight loss than not live at all!

I think it is also bugging my separated AH to see me looking better and being more able bodied and not so dependent on the scraps he would throw my way. I think of how he abandoned me during that time and it really just makes me turn off to him completely.

My faith is helping me have more compassion for him because I know he is ill fighting his own demons...but sometimes he still gets under my skin. Guess that is to be expected.

I am happy. I really am. After this past year, things are definitely in perspective!!

Seren

iamthird!! What a wonderful update. I'm so glad to hear that your health continues to improve and that your hearing loss is only temporary!! You and your children are in my prayers.

FireSprite

Bumping for you iamthird.... No clue why this post isn't showing for you!

dandylion

Iamthird---as a member of the medical profession, myself---I am continually shocked at the extent that the insurance companies are devoid of compassion. I have seen breast prosthesis refused after cancer surgery because it is considered "cosmetic".

Don't worry that you separated husband gets under your skin. I assure you that is normal. If alcoholic behaviors were easily tolerated---none of us would probably be on this board. These behaviors do not typically contribute to healthy and happy relationships...LOl.

dandylion