Chelsea1029

I found out a year ago that my husband was drinking, secretly, at work in the morning. I was angry with myself for not seeing it sooner. I think I did I just denied it. I even remember asking on the phone more than once if he'd been drinking because of the slurring. Before we married 18 years ago i knew he'd had issues with alcohol (2 dwi's when he was 19). However after we married, to my knowledge, he did not drink for years. When I found this out last year I was devastated. He said it had been happening for about a year, which means longer, I'm sure. He made statements that were so telling ("it's not like I drink everyday or have the shakes") but I chose to believe that he would stop. I have spent the last year extremely anxious and stressed, nagging, questioning, second guessing, etc...there have been so many lies. That is the most hurtful part. Lies about drinking and about his job (self-employed). He has financially ruined us. He has been going to two AA meetings per week (usually after drinking) but continues to drink and lie about it.
Just over a month ago he came home and had clearly been drinking.I had told him the next time he'd have to leave. I followed through and he is staying with his mother. It's been so hard. I always wanted to make it work for the kids. I felt I had to keep him together for their sake. What if he got a dwi or couldn't support himself - it would devastate them! FINALLY I realize I can't make him stop, I can't protect them from his choices, I can't live on the emotional roller coaster. I can't have my happiness tied to his drinking. I realize he isn't just being dishonest with me but with himself too.
This site is a wealth of information and I've been reading so much. It's very helpful.
As heartbreaking as all of this is I know it's calmer here and I'm in a better place emotionally. I wish he was the person I knew him to be but he's not and hasn't been for awhile.
I do have a lot of questions on how to best handle all of this with the kids. Is there a resource for this?

NotTheMama

So sorry that you have to be here, too. You will find a wealth of resources here! Read the "sticky's" at the top of this forum. Feel free to ask any questions you may have. Most everyone here has been where you are now!
Your first responsibility is to take care of yourself and the children. Find an Al-Anon group and go to several meetings! You will find support and understanding there!

Hugs!

SeasonlessWorld

Welcome,
I have found SR to be a very supportive place and I hope you will too. I am sorry about the toll addiction has taken on your life. Hugs to you.

Praying

Welcome! You will probably tire of hearing this, but read, read, read! I sure wish there was a manual. You'll find that everyone's outcomes are different...but those who go on to thrive are the ones who learn to take care of themselves first, regardless of what's going on with their A. Sounds easy. But we all know it isn't!

One thing that helped me when I felt like I "knew" all I could know about he disease was to read through others' experiences. Also, to post questions here and receive an array of responses from people who had been there and understood. (Sometimes I didn't like what I heard, or it frightened me, but it was all very, very helpful, particularly at showing me the breadth of direction things could go.)

One common thread you'd hear from everyone is to take care of you-- and feel NO guilt about putting yourself or your needs first. NONE.

Sending you hugs!