Thought I knew what I wanted to say
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
I am so sorry and unfortunately know this pain. Not exactly your situation. It's shocking, horrific, and very intense, yes.
Please consider to start seeing a counselor one on one in a week or two. You need to release this, to someone who will help you through all the feelings of guilt when it was not your fault, what ifs, whys, and if only this or that. I believe everyone who has experienced this special and intense pain could benefit greatly from individual therapy. Do this for yourself. You deserve some relief from the constant pain. I unfortunately didn't have health insurance at the time and had to suffer through. If you don't have insurance you may want to look into free counseling. I didn't but I know some is out there and I should have. Books, forums, whatever you can find.
Don't internalize it and sit on it. That is so easy to do, and you don't deserve that. You deserve strength where you can find it, and reaching out to others.
It's not your fault.
Hugs. Be kind to yourself.
Please consider to start seeing a counselor one on one in a week or two. You need to release this, to someone who will help you through all the feelings of guilt when it was not your fault, what ifs, whys, and if only this or that. I believe everyone who has experienced this special and intense pain could benefit greatly from individual therapy. Do this for yourself. You deserve some relief from the constant pain. I unfortunately didn't have health insurance at the time and had to suffer through. If you don't have insurance you may want to look into free counseling. I didn't but I know some is out there and I should have. Books, forums, whatever you can find.
Don't internalize it and sit on it. That is so easy to do, and you don't deserve that. You deserve strength where you can find it, and reaching out to others.
It's not your fault.
Hugs. Be kind to yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Words cannot express my sadness to hear of alcoholism stealing another soul. Grief, please heal your own heart so this disease does not take you as well. Peace to all who held your partner in their hearts too.
as a sober contributor
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: California
Posts: 1,312
I'm so very sorry for all that you have had to endure Grief.
I've had 2 family members (brother and aunt) commit suicide and it hurts only the people that are left behind.
Please let your emotions run with the tide and give yourself enough time to heal.
Peace and Prayers to you.....
I've had 2 family members (brother and aunt) commit suicide and it hurts only the people that are left behind.
Please let your emotions run with the tide and give yourself enough time to heal.
Peace and Prayers to you.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 8
The VA is going to let me see a psychologist tomorrow. It's like a miracle. When the psychologist called me, he said he would pray for me!!!!! Can you believe it? I am very hopeful he will be good to talk to.
I also hope this thread will not keep anyone involved with an alcoholic from doing whatever he or she needs to do for themselves and their family. Take tender care of YOU and those who depend on you to keep them safe. I am fairly certain I would have died, if I had stayed instead of running away.
I also hope this thread will not keep anyone involved with an alcoholic from doing whatever he or she needs to do for themselves and their family. Take tender care of YOU and those who depend on you to keep them safe. I am fairly certain I would have died, if I had stayed instead of running away.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 8
The psychologist was great. I'm cynical about counseling, but he was just the right person to talk to. When I got around to mentioning I had been researching sociopathy, he exclaimed, "I've been waiting for you to say that!" So that was a huge relief and absolution because it means there really was nothing I could do to save him. (Needing to save people is problem of mine. Maybe I should start a group and call it Rescuers Anonymous.) I have another appointment in a month because he is booked, but am welcome to call whenever needed. Thank you for the continued prayers and I am praying for all of you, as well.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
I'm glad to hear that you made it to a counselor's already, that's really good for you. I'm very glad you saved your own life. That realization of how smart you were to get out of there when you did is going to give you strength during this difficult time.
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