BlueSkies1

I am trying to figure out, what am I doing wrong to have an active A "love" me so much?

Well that line made me laugh and just about cry. Has it come to this? We have to ask ourselves why someone would love us? Don't we simply deserve to be loved? Yeah, I get it, love is in quotes.

I think gullible might be a good word for you and me.

How about impressionable?

How about you were a good catch, and even an alcoholic could see it? They're not dumb in all ways, they can be extremely smart...just drunk and smart.

Hammer

mkay. Have pondered this a bit . . . .

I bet it was the "Follow Me Home For FREE BEER" T-Shirt that did it.

PurpleWilder

I used to say that I was gonna start a business in which I would hire myself out to go out with groups of women who are looking for potential mates. If I like them....run fast and far 'cause they are alcoholics and/or sons of alcoholics.

I've decided that I will work on myself as much as I can to change those things that attract the crazy ones....and if I can't stop attracting them I'll just stay single and SANE and become a cat lady instead.

jenny11785

The women who love psychopaths is a funny title however sociopaths which some call psychopaths are to be 1 in 25 people. Read Martha Stout's sociopath next door. I think some may call them assholes, jerks or users. Some are just that but some have a mental disorder. Even on the out of the fog website and wikipedia (yes I know!!) state that codependency is when a mentally health person is manipulated or in a relationship with someone with a personality disorder or addicted person. Narcissists, Sociopaths, Addicts can sense out codependents. And yes the two would find each other in a football stadium

Rosiepetal

One thing I have learnt about myself after being with a drug addict then an alcoholic is that I didn't have enough boundaries.
I tended to put the partner ahead of myself.
I am now the healthiest I've ever been in life, I am taking care of myself & boundaries are here to keep me healthy.
I guess self recovery teaches one a lot.

choublak

I don't think there really is a black-and-white type answer to this question.

For one thing, the only thing active addicts are really "drawn to" is their DOC.

SoloMio

I also remember the first time I laid eyes on AH.. same thing! All dapper and very confident, and he went and sat at a table where all the people there were just good looking and having fun. I, on the other hand, was mousy, and tired from studying for my college finals, and bored, and ready to leave.

Then he bought me a drink and the rest is history.

I really do believe there is a strong "yin/yang" and I know I have been over-responsible and I also feel insecure in groups, where AH is totally irresponsible and is always a huge hit in groups.

Both of us came from alcoholic families. My father died in the Bowery at age 43; his father had a stroke and died at age 45. Both of our mothers were binge drinkers who were otherwise working very hard to hold it all together.

So how the heck did we zero in on each other that night--total strangers? Yes, it is very strange how the As/Codies wind up together.

xmrscran

I made my ex husband feel good about himself and make him feel like it was ok to drink. Mind you, he had a previous marriage that ended (after he got drunk and beat up on his wife) and a long term girlfriend who left because of his drinking. I of course, did not know that at the time. I was told his wife cheated and that his girlfriend was a police officer and didn't like him to drink because it made her look bad. Really, now I know the real reason she left. I defended his drinking sometimes, justifying it to myself that he worked hard all day, until the first (and only) time he ever beat on me when drunk. Then I knew he was out of control.