choublak

So, my father is still involved with his mistress-turned-girlfriend because, according to him, he has "an extreme phobia of being alone". Even though about two weeks ago she tried to kill him with a knife and he had to call the cops to have them remove her (again, this is all according to him). This isn't the first time she has gone crazy. I asked my father why he continues to let her into his house despite knowing that she's crazy, and his response was "I have an extreme phobia of being alone."

Is that "phobia" even real?

LadyinBC

I think some people really do have that phobia. It is one reason they make such crappy choices in partners! At least that is what it was like for me when I was younger.

I use to make horrible choices because I didn't want to be by myself. I don't know if it was necessarily a phobia, but I do think that it does exist.

Florence

Yes, it's called codependency.

Hammer

For real, Mrs. Hammer cannot do too much time alone.

Has some REAL Bonkers outcomes.

Part of the Borderline-ish stuff, in her case.

Choublak, for some background -- Hit a search on "Fear of Abandonment."

You will find some articles citing Personality Disorder type things and some about Depression, and probably some citing the Phase of the Moon. But reading some it will give you a little insight and . . . dare I say . . . compassion.

(damn, that Compassion Crap, again. I hate my Steps Program -- meaning I Love and Need It -- maybe good for some of you, too).

At any rate, just on the surface, choublak -- sounds like your dad would rather risk being dead than being alone.

caboblanco

It sounds like a personality disorder to me when he's letting people who tried to kill him back in his life...he should get checked out..of course he has to do it himself

somebody did something similar to me but not as extreme..I made it my job to make sure this lady never came anywhere near me again(police) I also tried to get her put in jail...it didn't work...she was dangerous

hopeful4

It is extreme that he is willing to risk his life instead of be alone. Goodness, he needs as much psychological help as she does apparently, no offense.

choublak

He likes to exaggerate. A lot.

choublak

But see, that's what he wants people to think.

Stung

He sounds like a dude who makes excuses so he can keep doing the same dumb stuff over and over.

You know better Choublak. Ain't nobody got time for that!!

FlippedRHalo

I think it's real. I grew up basically alone, in a beautiful gigantic old house that terrified me with all of its rooms and noises. I had a very traumatic incident happen when I was home alone that I had no idea how to handle and didn't process very well as a child.

My parents worked all day and drank all night. I was coming home from kindergarten to an empty house and stayed home alone until whatever time they'd wander in. They did all they could to avoid one another and so, were never home. When they were, they were nasty and drunk, so basically, I still felt alone.

It was beyond terrifying as a young child to be all alone, all of the time, especially at night. I never slept, which I think contributed to serious sleep problems as an adult. Thankfully I had my dog, who happened to be an extremely protective Doberman Pinscher.

To this day I'm terrified to be alone in my house. I own a large, protective dog and always have since I lived on my own. If I didn't have him, it would be messy. It's not even so much the abandonment issue as a deep seated fear of being by myself in the house. I'm more afraid of being trapped inside with someone than of someone coming in. I need to know I can get out of the house quickly if I need to. Even with my large dog that would lay his life down for me in a split second without hesitation, I still sometimes have to talk myself into being calm when the kids aren't here.

As long as SOMEONE is in the house, I'm fine. But completely alone... terrified. I'm getting a lot better, but without my dog, I'd never be able to stand it.

Not sure if what your dad is talking about is an actual phobia of being alone or an abandonment alone issue. Is he physically afraid of being alone, or mentally afraid to be 'alone'. I carry the abandonment issue too, but I can deal with that at this point in my life. The fear of being physically alone in the house though, still a big battle.

choublak

I have a feeling "tried to kill him" is grossly overblown.