He has left me and children

Old 06-25-2014, 06:35 AM
  # 81 (permalink)  
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Location: Germany
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Thank you so much!
It`s so important for me to write here, you can`t imagine.
I wrote in a german forum also....and the most answers were like here.
But there was one answer like this:
You have also responsibility for the break down of your marriage....
You have to go to the therapy , your sad children....

I read that...I can`t understand?!
I do my very best.Often it`s not enough, I know.
But its better as drinking alcohol every day and blame all others or better than beat children...

I have NO responsibility for my ex drinking.
Maybe I`m involved in this process, maybe there were some things that promoted his selection.
BUT: Every problem can be solved in a better way than sitting in a small room all day drinking and smoking!

I must heighten my head after this post.
I couldn`t make my husband happy....he couldn`t make me happy.
But in contrary to him, I was able to explain why .
He couldn`t, didn`t want.
So this was his choice.
Sitting, drinking, smoking, keep quiet.

This is quitting a marriage.
He did it long before.
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Old 06-25-2014, 07:16 AM
  # 82 (permalink)  
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I'm glad you realize you are not responsible for his drinking. That's a great step forward!

You are responsible for managing your recovery from his drinking, however, so really focus
on this from now on.

He isn't part of your recovery. You are and your kids are.

When you find yourself thinking about him, or why did he leave, or what's he doing, or so on
make a deliberate choice to drop those thoughts and replace them with thoughts about your present choices, hopes, and dreams.

You can do it and you are doing it.
Of course it is hard, but you are a strong woman.
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Old 06-27-2014, 12:12 AM
  # 83 (permalink)  
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Good God!

I write in a German forum also.
There I have to defend myself , because there are many users who want to put the blame of his drinking patterns of me!!!
It`s awful.
I know : I have no resposibility for his drinking.
It was his choice to try to solve our and his problems.

Some people in that forum argue the same like our former therapist:
He is so unhappy with you, he can`t separate and thats why he drinks....
This hurts soooo much.

Why did he never talk with me seriously about his feelings?
He just decided to clothe awful, to drink, to eat and become fat, it really seems like he wanted to have me to get off his chest...
That hurts very, very much.

I can`t divine his thoughts, I couldn`t it...
But I remarked that he behaved badly and I often asked him if his behaviour answer the purpose to get rid of me?!

Sad.
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Old 06-27-2014, 12:37 AM
  # 84 (permalink)  
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(((((Iamfree)))))

darling, alcoholics drink because they are alcoholics. I am an alcoholic. I had my troubles sure, I thought I was self medicating. bottom line though? I drank because I was an alcoholic. Please, alcoholism isnt a free pass to act any old way one wants. many of us get sober to solve our problems. Please don't blame yourself. He might not know how or have the desire to get sober. Denial is an aspect of the disease but that doesn't absolve us from getting help.

I hope you are considering Alanon. I know there are meetings in Germany. I don't know if its possible for you to maybe check with the American military base to see about finding referral for Alanon in English if that is your most comfortable language. you might check the directories for AA numbers and they might have some Alanon numbers for you. Someplaces have AlaTeen for the teenagers and even AlaTot for the younger ones. perhaps you could find some literature to help you help the kids.

I hope this is helpful I don't usually answer in the friends and family part of SR but I saw your posts. I hope you don't mind.

Love from Lenina
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Old 06-27-2014, 09:57 AM
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I'm sorry for what you are getting from that other forum, IAMFREE! That's just crazy. We're here for you (((HUGS)))
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