CarryOn

Welcome, HH. Sorry for what brought you here, but glad you found us.

AlAnon is for you, not for your H. In addition to your H's drinking bothering you, you have multiple qualifiers for going to AlAnon. I think many, if not all of us, that come to SR or AlAnon question if our qualifier is really an alcoholic - frankly, that does not matter. What does matter, and why we seek out these resources, is because the drinking of someone in our lives has come to have an affect on us and we need help. Tell your husband whatever you feel comfortable telling him about going to AlAnon...and if you use some other excuse, you are not the first and won't be the last...no worries there.

I also want to tell you that regardless of your situation - abuse or not, loss of jobs or not, financial instability or not, dui or not - living with an active alcoholic is incredibly hard and no one deserves to deal with it. My RAH's relapse is what brought me here (and to counseling, and to AlAnon). I was lucky in that it didn't take years to see the effects of his drinking - he was less than a year into his relapse when I start seeking help. For me, it didn't take long because the difference in who he was while drinking was so dramatically different than who he was sober. He was not physically abusive, he did not lose his job or get in trouble with his employer, he did not get a dui, etc., etc. However, he was taking huge risks that could threaten everything we had (i.e. driving drunk in employer's vehicle), was emotionally withdrawing from our marriage, etc. The question becomes what you want for your life and/or how you want to be treated.

I do hope you try AlAnon (it is suggested to try at least six different meetings) and that you keep reading & posting here.

ladyscribbler

Then use this opportunity to initiate the conversation if it comes up. Tell him you're going to Alanon. If he asks why, be honest, tell him his drinking is negatively impacting your life. It doesn't have to be a long, drawn-out discussion where you lay all the cards on the table and "get him to see" once and for all what he's doing so that he can magically stop drinking and get all better so you can have your life back the way you want it.
Sorry, but you do seem to be putting a lot of emphasis on this one conversation where you bare your soul to him. It's fine if that's what you want to do, but you should go into it without any expectations of how he will react. Do it for you, not to try to force a change in him.
I once hung a lot of importance on having a similar conversation, and it ended in some pretty bitter disappointment because my expectations were unrealistic. An alcoholic will do/say anything in order to keep drinking until he or she is ready to seek sobriety for themselves. Not because someone else said the magic words and made them see the light.
Work on you first, the rest will start to fall into place.