He text me he's leaving
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Nice. Classy. Typical I can't face you behaviour though.
Hang in.
Hang in.
Originally Posted by Katchie 
I had a morning class and from there went to brunch with a close friend. While at bunch I receive the following text:
K,
Having a hard time today with everything going on. Still sober will not be coming home tonight. Need to spend some time away. I can't stand the feeling in the house with you- not really wanting me around. I know you reap what you sow. It is on me sorry and I really do love you and the boys
M
My stomach is in knots as is my emotions. He said nothing to the boys and gas once again left the dirty work for me to handle regarding telling them this. Nothing new I suppose.
K,
Having a hard time today with everything going on. Still sober will not be coming home tonight. Need to spend some time away. I can't stand the feeling in the house with you- not really wanting me around. I know you reap what you sow. It is on me sorry and I really do love you and the boys
M
My stomach is in knots as is my emotions. He said nothing to the boys and gas once again left the dirty work for me to handle regarding telling them this. Nothing new I suppose.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Katchie,
Please take what you can and leave the rest.
My ex used to run away all the time. He had actually told me that the reason he did it was to punish me because I didn't love him, didn't appreciate him, and that I wanted to change him. It started out with a weekend, then continued to increase until it got to be 2 -3 months at a time.
I don't care if it was alcohol related or not. There were also many times we agreed to separate till he got his sh!t together, and when the day came, he wouldn't leave. He only left when he wanted to!!!!!!!
He did it to get away from me, he did it so that he could do what he wanted to do, he did it to punish me, he did it to give me the silent treatment. He did it to MANIPULATE me.
And it worked !!!!! It wouldn't work anymore now. Those were my boundaries and he stepped all over them. Why would anyone think that they can just disappear someday without telling you and the kids why, or even discussing it? This is just not done in a marriage. This is about power and control. Would you do what he did? Would you even think about doing that?
Not telling you to do this, but if this ever happened to me again, I would put all his clothes in a black plastic garbage bag, put them all outside, change all the locks, then text him that since he abandoned the family that he can pick his stuff up.
I was dealing with an emotionally stunted man who is having a temper tantrum and wants a pity party.
(((((((((hugs))))))))
Please take what you can and leave the rest.
My ex used to run away all the time. He had actually told me that the reason he did it was to punish me because I didn't love him, didn't appreciate him, and that I wanted to change him. It started out with a weekend, then continued to increase until it got to be 2 -3 months at a time.
I don't care if it was alcohol related or not. There were also many times we agreed to separate till he got his sh!t together, and when the day came, he wouldn't leave. He only left when he wanted to!!!!!!!
He did it to get away from me, he did it so that he could do what he wanted to do, he did it to punish me, he did it to give me the silent treatment. He did it to MANIPULATE me.
And it worked !!!!! It wouldn't work anymore now. Those were my boundaries and he stepped all over them. Why would anyone think that they can just disappear someday without telling you and the kids why, or even discussing it? This is just not done in a marriage. This is about power and control. Would you do what he did? Would you even think about doing that?
Not telling you to do this, but if this ever happened to me again, I would put all his clothes in a black plastic garbage bag, put them all outside, change all the locks, then text him that since he abandoned the family that he can pick his stuff up.
I was dealing with an emotionally stunted man who is having a temper tantrum and wants a pity party.
(((((((((hugs))))))))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 93
I would have to agree with most of the responses to your thread to start to protect yourself. I'll never forget when my own father in law suggested that I start my own bank account. I initially thought he was cruel. Well, I wish I would have listened to him then!
Open a bank account in your name only, start putting some funds from your joint account into this as well.
My XAH never left the home (I actually wish he would have) but he was controlling and manipulating. He was constantly looking for the "pity party." When I started getting stronger, I could see right through this.
Take this time and enjoy it! Relax, enjoy the kids, watch movies, spend time with friends. I know, easier said than done. You are not alone!!! We are all here for you!
Open a bank account in your name only, start putting some funds from your joint account into this as well.
My XAH never left the home (I actually wish he would have) but he was controlling and manipulating. He was constantly looking for the "pity party." When I started getting stronger, I could see right through this.
Take this time and enjoy it! Relax, enjoy the kids, watch movies, spend time with friends. I know, easier said than done. You are not alone!!! We are all here for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
The good thing is I haven't even cried this morning. I got up, showered, got the boys ready for school and fed, drove them to school..then a light bulb moment flashed..there's nothing different this morning than every morning since I've had children. My husband hasn't ever really helped except when I had an appointment and couldnt. I've been the parent and he's been the evening coach for 2 hours 4 days a.week and he hasn't even done that we'll since he's done it drunk. So..so far nothing has changed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Did you talk with the boys last night about Dad? This must be so confusing for them. Dad is there, dad is gone, dad is at the game today... He is treating them as cruelly as he is treating you. You are all pawns in this man's self-absorbed drama.
You have a lot of power Katchie. You can decide if this behavior is acceptable to you or not. You can decide if he is permitted to come home. Have you talked with your lawyer yet? You are the only one who is going to take care of you and your boys. This man is out for himself. He has left you and your children. His word is no good. Counting on the word or the honor of a liar, isn't a plan. Since you are financially dependent on him, you must find out your rights as his wife and move forward to protect yourself financially. This is a non-emotional survival type thing.
When do you see your therapist again?
Have you told your family that he left you all yet? Don't let him be the voice to the world about your situation. You and your boys need their support.
You have a lot of power Katchie. You can decide if this behavior is acceptable to you or not. You can decide if he is permitted to come home. Have you talked with your lawyer yet? You are the only one who is going to take care of you and your boys. This man is out for himself. He has left you and your children. His word is no good. Counting on the word or the honor of a liar, isn't a plan. Since you are financially dependent on him, you must find out your rights as his wife and move forward to protect yourself financially. This is a non-emotional survival type thing.
When do you see your therapist again?
Have you told your family that he left you all yet? Don't let him be the voice to the world about your situation. You and your boys need their support.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 427
My XA used to do that. Generally when he WAS in fact drinking, but wanted me to think he was sober. With my X, anytime there was "poor me" and blameshifting, he was drinking. I'm not saying yours is drinking, but I wouldn't automatically believe that he isn't.
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