He text me he's leaving
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 213
Stay Strong Katchie, you can do this with all you've been learning, and prayer!! You are able to handle this.
The boys probably will feel a bit relieved... maybe? My girls sure were when we went away for a while.
His text sounds a little like he wants for you to ask him to please stay. I don't know for sure because I have not read all your posts or know the whole story.
The boys probably will feel a bit relieved... maybe? My girls sure were when we went away for a while.
His text sounds a little like he wants for you to ask him to please stay. I don't know for sure because I have not read all your posts or know the whole story.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 453
Hugs, positive thoughts & good juju all your way, Katchie! I'm sorry for such a crappy day.I'm glad your accounts are okay, and I would suggest moving at least some of the available money into a separate account that he does not have access to. I may be putting the cart before the horse, but you also may want to talk to your lawyer friend about your options in case (R)AH pulls all financial support.
I like the idea of a mom/boys bonding night!!
More will be revealed. Stay strong.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
I decided to go in our room and see how much clothing he took. Doesn't look like much is missing. A couple of drawers were left hanging out. Doesn't look like he's planning on staying gone long unless he's coming back tomorrow to get more stuff.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Katchie----I lean toward Hammer on this one (imagine that!). Early recovery sucks from every direction for almost everybody!!
Honestly, my first thought is that some separation iS a good idea--for the sake of everyone!! Actually, I think a year of separation for everyone in early recovery should be the gold standard for simply humanitarian reasons.
Remember that a "WAR" is going on in his head right now---no matter how normal he m ight look on the outside.
He is going through his own kind of alcoholic H*ll---while you are living your kind of H*ll.
An agreed on separation might be an option for you two to consider.
For right now.....just slow down and b r e a t h e. The world has not come to an end (even if it does feel like it).
dandylion
Honestly, my first thought is that some separation iS a good idea--for the sake of everyone!! Actually, I think a year of separation for everyone in early recovery should be the gold standard for simply humanitarian reasons.
Remember that a "WAR" is going on in his head right now---no matter how normal he m ight look on the outside.
He is going through his own kind of alcoholic H*ll---while you are living your kind of H*ll.
An agreed on separation might be an option for you two to consider.
For right now.....just slow down and b r e a t h e. The world has not come to an end (even if it does feel like it).
dandylion
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
watch the bank account! if you can, move funds out of harm's way to assure that YOU can pay bills, buy food, survive.
whether this is an overnight thing or a more long term thing, now would be the time to start formulating PLAN B. take a moment and think, what if he NEVER came back? what would you do? then start carving out the steps you need to take....it's game time, babe. sorry.
whether this is an overnight thing or a more long term thing, now would be the time to start formulating PLAN B. take a moment and think, what if he NEVER came back? what would you do? then start carving out the steps you need to take....it's game time, babe. sorry.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 873
Katchie- I am sorry you are hurt but, this is because you are not an alcoholic.
Keep in mind he is an Alcoholic he isn't a stand up kinda guy , look at his behavior prior to you finding out everything. My AH would tell me do what you want now and ask forgiveness later.
Once I found out all the hidden secrets and brought it to his attention. Things didn't get better they only got worse and now he is gone.
But with him gone and a few victim cries for myself I think clearly and glad he is gone.
Sending you hugs we all know this is crappy what he did but you are a Great person and keep reminding yourself you will be fine. Take this time to work on you.
Keep in mind he is an Alcoholic he isn't a stand up kinda guy , look at his behavior prior to you finding out everything. My AH would tell me do what you want now and ask forgiveness later.
Once I found out all the hidden secrets and brought it to his attention. Things didn't get better they only got worse and now he is gone.
But with him gone and a few victim cries for myself I think clearly and glad he is gone.
Sending you hugs we all know this is crappy what he did but you are a Great person and keep reminding yourself you will be fine. Take this time to work on you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
He text me where he is staying. I asked how long he would be gone and this is what he text:
I will work tonight and tomorrow . Will not miss anything. Will be at practice tomorrow. Would like to visit with the boys and bring them home tomorrow night. Will come home this weekend or Sat. If you want to go see son #1. If not I will go and talk to him.
so, he leaves with nothing more than a text and he puts it on me? He's contradictory and isn't making sense.
Then..
Will stay gone as long as you need me to. If you would like let me know if you would like me to stay in a separate room at Regionals.
I will work tonight and tomorrow . Will not miss anything. Will be at practice tomorrow. Would like to visit with the boys and bring them home tomorrow night. Will come home this weekend or Sat. If you want to go see son #1. If not I will go and talk to him.
so, he leaves with nothing more than a text and he puts it on me? He's contradictory and isn't making sense.
Then..
Will stay gone as long as you need me to. If you would like let me know if you would like me to stay in a separate room at Regionals.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Originally Posted by FireSprite 
I'm sorry Katchie, that is a crappy way to deliver a message like that. You deserve better.
I'm leaning toward believing this isn't as "unplanned" as he makes it sound - it reeks of manipulation & blameshifting.
Is he still drinking? (Or is he dry for just a couple of weeks at this point?... I'm sorry I can't remember!?)
I'm leaning toward believing this isn't as "unplanned" as he makes it sound - it reeks of manipulation & blameshifting.
Is he still drinking? (Or is he dry for just a couple of weeks at this point?... I'm sorry I can't remember!?)
check your bank accounts and move some $$ for bills now. Be practical.
I know he punched you in the stomach with this, but forewarned is forearmed.
OOPs, Anvil said it first, but believe me this is the smartest move you can make. PROTECT YOURSELF
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Well, I'm not going to try to interpret this. I spent too many years making myself crazy trying to read into an alcoholic's behavior to ever want to do that again. I do agree with the posters who are encouraging you to protect yourself financially. You and your kids deserve security. Whatever he's doing, you can use this as an opportunity to get some breathing room for yourself and think about what you want without the pressure of having him in your home.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Katchie,
How utterly disappointing.
Like some of the others, I also suspect he plans to drink, or has already, and knows he can't come home like that.
Whatever is going on, he is not honoring you, or your children. He is acting like a weak, pathetic coward.
I'm sorry if that sounds bitter. I just hate how he can rest assured, while he's busy doing whatever, that the whole fabric of stable family life is in your capable hands. But you are capable, Katchie. You can be proud of that, and maybe find some peace in that knowledge.
(hugs)
How utterly disappointing.
Like some of the others, I also suspect he plans to drink, or has already, and knows he can't come home like that.
Whatever is going on, he is not honoring you, or your children. He is acting like a weak, pathetic coward.
I'm sorry if that sounds bitter. I just hate how he can rest assured, while he's busy doing whatever, that the whole fabric of stable family life is in your capable hands. But you are capable, Katchie. You can be proud of that, and maybe find some peace in that knowledge.
(hugs)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Hillsborough, NJ
Posts: 267
Hello Katchie....
I'm so sorry you're hurting right now...
Last week someone told me that if a person treats us in an unkind way, it says more about who they are.....
Sometimes I still have a hard time not taking things the alcoholic does personally, but honestly and truly....none of this is your fault....
Stay strong....
All the best,
Linda
I'm so sorry you're hurting right now...
Last week someone told me that if a person treats us in an unkind way, it says more about who they are.....
Sometimes I still have a hard time not taking things the alcoholic does personally, but honestly and truly....none of this is your fault....
Stay strong....
All the best,
Linda
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Originally Posted by dandylion
Katchie----I lean toward Hammer on this one (imagine that!). Early recovery sucks from every direction for almost everybody!!
Honestly, my first thought is that some separation iS a good idea--for the sake of everyone!! Actually, I think a year of separation for everyone in early recovery should be the gold standard for simply humanitarian reasons.
Remember that a "WAR" is going on in his head right now---no matter how normal he m ight look on the outside.
He is going through his own kind of alcoholic H*ll---while you are living your kind of H*ll.
An agreed on separation might be an option for you two to consider.
For right now.....just slow down and b r e a t h e. The world has not come to an end (even if it does feel like it).
dandylion
Honestly, my first thought is that some separation iS a good idea--for the sake of everyone!! Actually, I think a year of separation for everyone in early recovery should be the gold standard for simply humanitarian reasons.
Remember that a "WAR" is going on in his head right now---no matter how normal he m ight look on the outside.
He is going through his own kind of alcoholic H*ll---while you are living your kind of H*ll.
An agreed on separation might be an option for you two to consider.
For right now.....just slow down and b r e a t h e. The world has not come to an end (even if it does feel like it).
dandylion
Whether drinking or sober, there's bound to be a lot of crazy going on inside of him. This doesn't seem all that planned to me, except for perhaps that voice in his head going back and forth between everything since he stopped drinking. Part of him wants to get sober; the alcoholism is trying to pull him back in.
PAWS - post acute withdrawal syndrome
There are two stages of withdrawal. The first stage is the acute stage, which usually lasts at most a few weeks. During this stage, you may experience physical withdrawal symptoms. But every drug is different, and every person is different.
The second stage of withdrawal is called the Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). During this stage you'll have fewer physical symptoms, but more emotional and psychological withdrawal symptoms.
Post-acute withdrawal occurs because your brain chemistry is gradually returning to normal. As your brain improves the levels of your brain chemicals fluctuate as they approach the new equilibrium causing post-acute withdrawal symptoms.
There are two stages of withdrawal. The first stage is the acute stage, which usually lasts at most a few weeks. During this stage, you may experience physical withdrawal symptoms. But every drug is different, and every person is different.
The second stage of withdrawal is called the Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS). During this stage you'll have fewer physical symptoms, but more emotional and psychological withdrawal symptoms.
Post-acute withdrawal occurs because your brain chemistry is gradually returning to normal. As your brain improves the levels of your brain chemicals fluctuate as they approach the new equilibrium causing post-acute withdrawal symptoms.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...periences.html
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Originally Posted by keepingthefaith
I can so relate to what Hammer said, and this from dandylion. My first thought was "it's about 2 weeks in?" Several times before my husband was finally forced into rehab, he tried quitting on his own and only made it 12-14 days in. Thankfully, his doctor had a great attitude and would celebrate the fact that he made it that far and was trying again. It was wonderful to have someone point out the positive. He was 12 days sober when he headed to rehab and he was looking for any out he could come up with to not go -- talked about quitting his job, how horrible everyone was, "poor me" attitude, ready to move out right then.
Whether drinking or sober, there's bound to be a lot of crazy going on inside of him. This doesn't seem all that planned to me, except for perhaps that voice in his head going back and forth between everything since he stopped drinking. Part of him wants to get sober; the alcoholism is trying to pull him back in.
Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms - Relapse Prevention Strategies
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...periences.html
Whether drinking or sober, there's bound to be a lot of crazy going on inside of him. This doesn't seem all that planned to me, except for perhaps that voice in his head going back and forth between everything since he stopped drinking. Part of him wants to get sober; the alcoholism is trying to pull him back in.
Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms - Relapse Prevention Strategies
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...periences.html
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
First of all BIG hugs to you dear. Not appropriate over a text…….
I would be remiss if I didn't say that I hope when you get up tomorrow that your head clears, and you take the others advice about protecting yourself.
His past behavior is very suspect. I don't get an "unplanned" feeling here since on V-day he dropped the idea of leaving.
As said before more will be revealed. Will say a prayer for you tonight that it will be revealed quickly. Not all behavior should be attributed to alcoholism or early recovery.
I would be remiss if I didn't say that I hope when you get up tomorrow that your head clears, and you take the others advice about protecting yourself.
His past behavior is very suspect. I don't get an "unplanned" feeling here since on V-day he dropped the idea of leaving.
As said before more will be revealed. Will say a prayer for you tonight that it will be revealed quickly. Not all behavior should be attributed to alcoholism or early recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 121
Hi Katchie, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Crazy for sure. I just wanted to let you know, like the others have, that the early sober days can most definitely be unpredictable.
My RAH was 4 to 6 weeks sober and he filed for divorce. What was he thinking??? He wasn't thinking clearly. That's for sure.
It gets better, especially when they are working a program. My RAH is almost 6 months sober. Our marriage is improving.
Hugs!
My RAH was 4 to 6 weeks sober and he filed for divorce. What was he thinking??? He wasn't thinking clearly. That's for sure.
It gets better, especially when they are working a program. My RAH is almost 6 months sober. Our marriage is improving.
Hugs!
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