A month
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 41
A month
Hey guys, I'm so glad I came back onto this site and I think about my life sometimes and i wish I would of came here sooner but obviously I have faith that it all happens for a reason so I wasn't suppose to be here sooner.
It has been exactly a month since my abf broke up with me. I've only talked to him on the phone once and we've texted twice I believe since we broke up. The times we've contacted each other they were good. No fighting, no yelling, and no trying to get back together. Just more like how's life, i'm proud of you, i'm proud of you too and just wishing each other well in life. He's currently 9 months clean and still lives in the south, i live in the north. he moved away 9 months ago.
I think the hardest part to except is that I didn't lose an active addict boyfriend. I lost the man that I thought I was going to finally move in with, spend a life with, and finally get my happily ever after with. Honestly, those last 8 months was amazing in our relationship. We communicated, we got along, we had so much fun, and we lived independent lives and worked our individual programs. But I always prayed that we wouldn't break up just because he was actively using and I guess I got what I prayed for, but then again I never thought it would actually end when we both got to a better place.
But after 6 years of being together and looking that this is the longest he's ever been clean, I was never guaranteed a happily ever after. I could of moved down there with him and started a whole new chapter together and he could of relapsed at any point in the future. I learned that no one's sobriety is ever final. It's a working process day by day, and if they aren't willing to work it even for one day, they're already slipping into a chance at relapse.
One of my al anon friends told me when i was crying and sobbing about my break up and said, "Do you really think you can handle an addict husband and father? If he relapsed after you got married and had children, would you be so encouraging and there for him, or do you think God is taking you out of the equation, and he knows this isn't want you really want and you just couldn't be the one to end things when things were finally good."
I mean I have been thinking a lot about that that this is my blessing in disguise from God. Helping me to just enjoy life on my own for a while and hopefully meet someone new who will give me everything I've always wanted after 6 years, and not have an addiction problem.
I waited 3 weeks to tell my mother that my bf had broken up with because honestly I was scared she was gonna say I told you so and he's not good enough for you anyway, and instead she shocked me and told me, "what's meant to be will be. Trust in your heart and you are a beautiful, smart, and loving person, who will love you for you and give you everything you need and more" I mean my mother does not say things like that EVER!!! She's not real good with it, so I feel there was a divine intervention right there that God was talking through her and it made me really listen.
It's my 26th birthday tomorrow and I keep thinking will he text me or call me or even Facebook message me saying happy birthday. I mean I know he has no obligation to and I won't lie it would make me sad if he didn't acknowledge my birthday, but I also know it's not my business if he doesn't contact me. He might be busy or honestly just forget. He's never been good with dates. haha But I just have to remember that it's okay if he doesn't say anything to me. It's not his job anymore to remember my birthday.
I have my moments of sadness of course. I'm grieving the lost of a love that I thought was forever. I will always have a special place in my heart for my ex, he was my first love after all, and I will always pray for him and to have God at his side keeping him clean and sober one day at a time. We both have a respect for each other that I do value, and hopefully one day, after the pain of heartbreak is over we can be friends and just embrace what we've given each other through these 6 years. I miss him all the time and I wish i could just talk to him, but I know by doing that when I'm not ready, I will just cause more pain for the both of us.
Thanks for reading, I know it was long. God bless everyone.
It has been exactly a month since my abf broke up with me. I've only talked to him on the phone once and we've texted twice I believe since we broke up. The times we've contacted each other they were good. No fighting, no yelling, and no trying to get back together. Just more like how's life, i'm proud of you, i'm proud of you too and just wishing each other well in life. He's currently 9 months clean and still lives in the south, i live in the north. he moved away 9 months ago.
I think the hardest part to except is that I didn't lose an active addict boyfriend. I lost the man that I thought I was going to finally move in with, spend a life with, and finally get my happily ever after with. Honestly, those last 8 months was amazing in our relationship. We communicated, we got along, we had so much fun, and we lived independent lives and worked our individual programs. But I always prayed that we wouldn't break up just because he was actively using and I guess I got what I prayed for, but then again I never thought it would actually end when we both got to a better place.
But after 6 years of being together and looking that this is the longest he's ever been clean, I was never guaranteed a happily ever after. I could of moved down there with him and started a whole new chapter together and he could of relapsed at any point in the future. I learned that no one's sobriety is ever final. It's a working process day by day, and if they aren't willing to work it even for one day, they're already slipping into a chance at relapse.
One of my al anon friends told me when i was crying and sobbing about my break up and said, "Do you really think you can handle an addict husband and father? If he relapsed after you got married and had children, would you be so encouraging and there for him, or do you think God is taking you out of the equation, and he knows this isn't want you really want and you just couldn't be the one to end things when things were finally good."
I mean I have been thinking a lot about that that this is my blessing in disguise from God. Helping me to just enjoy life on my own for a while and hopefully meet someone new who will give me everything I've always wanted after 6 years, and not have an addiction problem.
I waited 3 weeks to tell my mother that my bf had broken up with because honestly I was scared she was gonna say I told you so and he's not good enough for you anyway, and instead she shocked me and told me, "what's meant to be will be. Trust in your heart and you are a beautiful, smart, and loving person, who will love you for you and give you everything you need and more" I mean my mother does not say things like that EVER!!! She's not real good with it, so I feel there was a divine intervention right there that God was talking through her and it made me really listen.
It's my 26th birthday tomorrow and I keep thinking will he text me or call me or even Facebook message me saying happy birthday. I mean I know he has no obligation to and I won't lie it would make me sad if he didn't acknowledge my birthday, but I also know it's not my business if he doesn't contact me. He might be busy or honestly just forget. He's never been good with dates. haha But I just have to remember that it's okay if he doesn't say anything to me. It's not his job anymore to remember my birthday.
I have my moments of sadness of course. I'm grieving the lost of a love that I thought was forever. I will always have a special place in my heart for my ex, he was my first love after all, and I will always pray for him and to have God at his side keeping him clean and sober one day at a time. We both have a respect for each other that I do value, and hopefully one day, after the pain of heartbreak is over we can be friends and just embrace what we've given each other through these 6 years. I miss him all the time and I wish i could just talk to him, but I know by doing that when I'm not ready, I will just cause more pain for the both of us.
Thanks for reading, I know it was long. God bless everyone.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: The Pit of Despair
Posts: 148
Happy birthday! You are SO SO young. Seriously, you have DECADES of life left ahead of you. So much to learn and look forward to! So many adventures, so much happiness can happen in your future. Look ahead, honey. You haven't even tipped the iceberg of the amazing things that your life has in store for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 41
Well he texted me happy birthday and then we ended up talking on the phone for an hour and 15 mins. I'm not gonna lie I was happy he made the effort and once again it was a good conversation. I still love him so much and I just keep telling myself I deserve someone who wants to be with me and is in love with me. So we had a great talk and he's still doing well which I'm proud of him for. I'm gonna keep praying and just live my own life cuz even if I love him I still can't change what he wants and I'm not trying to. Thanks everyone.
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