Little update
 

Just thought I'd update on my life for those who followed thus far (and for those who haven't but feel it never gets any better)

All is very, very good :D

Kids split their time between me and their mum.....and enjoy both equally. They are happier than they have been in ages and are always doing something with one of us. They are also doing more stuff without us - in a good way. They go out with friends more than they used to.....it's like they are happy to leave the home knowing it's not going to be a war zone on their return.

Daughter is good.....again, really happy with life. Her boyfriend is fine, as they go! She made him some valentines cakes (and didn't go mad when I stole one....so that's a good sign) She has a good mix of being independent and spending time with me and her brothers. We don't go out as much as I'd like.....but she's an 18 year old girl - they aren't supposed to want to hang with dad at the weekend! I can't recall her last fight with her brothers....and they used to be daily and brutal.

House is just a lot less stressed.

Wife still drinks....probably always will. Doesnt drink as much, doesnt drink and drive and the boys know what to be aware of.

She is currently going through a "I hate my husband with everything I have" phase....don't really care. Not my problem, hope she finds happy....but whatever. As long as the kids are fine with her, and they are.

Daughter doesnt talk to her....that might take years - but it's not my relationship to push. They will talk in time.

Me...happy.

Life still has it's hassles....divorce, house sale, bills.....but thats not my life - thats just stuff in my life that I deal with and move forward.

So.....as my kids say "all good in da hood"

:D

I'm glad you have found some peace. Great news.

That is super great to hear Lewis! I hope it all continues to go well! It is a blessing that she does not drink and drive, that is a huge thing for you not to have to worry about.

Hope you have a happy day!

Thanks for the update Lewis!

I'm sorry your wife is still angry and drinking, but your attitude towards it is excellent.

Glad you are happy and your kids are doing well :)

So wonderful for you!

Great update. So happy for you and the kids.

What a great update. Thanks for posting.

Nice to hear the update Lewis.

Keep us posted, I'm so happy the kids are doing as well as you seem to be doing.

Onward!

Nice post. Thanks for sharing.

Thanks, Lewis. Good to know how you're doing. Glad you've got your feet under you and a direction to go.

Wishing you strength and clarity as you move ahead.

Thanks, Lewis!

I love updates like this. Thanks for sharing!

Great news, Lewis! What a transformation for you over just the last few short months! Congrats for making healthy choices and changes for YOU and your kids! Yah... the Missy didn't get her way and is still all pouty pout, I'm sure. When is the divorce final? At least she can't hate her "husband" any more :-D

Great update Lewis :)

Thanks folks!

Divorce is going ahead fine....the court sent her the papers on valentines day (not ideal) so that caused her to unleash some tension on facebook.....with all her man hating divorced friends joining in the feeding frenzy! (I only hear because some of her sensible friends message me to offer support for how crazy she is being)

To be honest....don't care - not in a bad way. Just doesn't bother me.

Should be divorced in couple of months...certainty by early summer (court is just slow)

Only bad things right now are daughter doesnt talk to her mum.....but she does seem fine with that. She is certainly so much happier than I have seen in years.

And wife drinks.....not enough to endanger kids...but enough that I doubt she will ever quit.

But really - these things don't affect me. My life is good.

This weekend I'm off to the zoo with the boys, tonight (boys are with mum) so me and daughter will watch a movie. Everything is just good.

My "dating", while I appreciate may not meet everyone's approval, has helped me turn my life around more than any therapy could have. Being liked/appreciated/valued was like a slap in the face to the miserable person I had become and has helped me see that moving forward and having a life after all this is easy and fun.

I'm happy, kids are happy - right now, couldn't really ask for much more.

Hi Lewis,

You were wondering if your wife would quit when you split, now you know. Not always, but usually this is what happens...they have more time to drink without anyone breathing down their necks about it so it continues. Her drinking was never about you or your marriage. It is about her.

I doubt anyone thinks your dating is bad, Lewis. I am glad that you are happy. With all due respect, you have been depressed and really unhappy and unsure of yourself for months and probably longer than that. As we heal and try to rebuild ourselves, it is not advised to enter into a new relationship during that time until we are whole again. Casual dating is one thing, vacations together and relationships are another. In addition your kids have been through the ringer too and they need you now more than you might realize. It sounds like you are doing a lot with them, but between work, household duties, kids and your life, serious dating at this time is kind of not the priority. There isn't enough time in the day and your emotional energy is renewing. After having been out of an intense long term relationship, it just takes time to establish a new balance and if you rush it (tried that too) you can fall again and get hurt...as well as hurt those around you. I think that was the type of warning that people were giving you. Not that you are bad.

Dating when you are healthy is fun. I have mostly enjoyed it. But it changes too as you get older. Doesn't sound like you had much experience with women in your past, so unfortunately that makes you a bit naive on the lady front. The ones who are fast to hop into bed or relationships as you get older...there is a reason why they are single and it is never good. Lots of desperate for security types or emotional instability. The amazing single ladies are cooler and not desperate, so they don't aggressively pursue men.

You will figure it out. So glad that you and your kids are spending time together, THEY need that so much.

It is interesting what she will do.

I hear from the 13 year old that she drinks in semi-secret (so keeps the can hidden from the younger ones)......it must be quite scary for her to realize that it is something she just can't stop...and there's not much else she can do to alter her life to help.

By which I mean she used to say "I'll stop when we split" - so she had a change to look towards that would be her springboard to success.

She hasnt that anymore....any change has to come from her, not her environment.

Yep.

Yes, it is funny how alcoholics always have someone else to blame for their drinking.

I did it in my turn too--blamed it on caregiving my alcoholic mother and having a very crappy childhood.

At some point, an alcoholic just has to own that they are choosing to drink and nobody is holding the bottle to their lips.
That's the beginning of recovery.
She may or may not come to that understanding, but at least it isn't at your door anymore.

I am so glad you are happy and that you have been enjoying your life.
How are the "detail things" like house sale, custody split, etc. going?

Will you have to pay alimony or will you just split the proceeds of the house?
I not trying to be nosy so much as understand how divorce works in the UK :)

P.S. Well, maybe a little nosy. . .

house is on the market. custody is spliy about 50/50 and is flexible if either of us needs it to be.

the money issue is a tricky one....she is still co-owner of the business so has access to funds (so is in no hurry to work) - once house is sold and divorce is done I plan to then address that as the only outstanding issue.

She will be entitled to spousal support so I'll have to agree to pay something...how much will be interesting!

To be honest....dont care (too much) She worked hard for a long time so deserves a cut of my income. And the enjoyment I am having in life right now comes from my kids, friends, etc and is all pretty much free.

Money is not a huge worry for me.