Sweetfa

Hi, I recently split with my alcoholic boyfriend. We had only been together about 4 or 5 months.
I'm still considering going to Al Anon meetings to understand how I got here, and to stop it happening again.
Is this a good idea?

lillamy

Yes.
I figured out that most people see the warning lights and the red flags and avoid getting into relationships with addicts. Somehow, there's something broken in our self-preservation signals, so we... well, we forge ahead. And figuring out why we do that is a good thing if we want to avoid making that same mistake again.

I also have to say that Al-Anon and the program has been so useful not only because I was married to an alcoholic. It has taught me life skills I simply didn't have: I used to always feel responsible for other people's feelings and sort of absorb the feelings of those around me. You know, to the point of, if I did something stupid in traffic -- cut someone off or went before someone at a four-way-stop or something -- I would have anxiety about it for hours afterwards and beat myself up over what a horrid person I was.

I still have a tendency to pick up on other people's feelings, but I've learned to do it less and less. That detachment ability is nothing any counselor every taught me --Al-Anon did.

I would say go to 8-9 meetings before you make up your mind whether it's useful for you or not. Because you may not feel the love the first time, so to speak -- the first meeting can feel awkward, but don't let that scare you off.

Sweetfa

Thank you!

honeypig

Just wanted to echo all the things lillamy said--most of us who've been with alcoholics do indeed have certain characteristics, and Alanon helps us deal with the whole world better, not just our A's. It's been so helpful to me in so many ways. I've learned a lot about what's my problem to deal with and what's not, and it has taken a load off my shoulders, for sure.

I'd also like to emphasize what lillamy said about going to several meetings, as sometimes it can take a while to start to "get it"--maybe doing some reading of Alanon literature would help you in that area. Amazon has a lot of reasonably-priced choices; just search "Alanon literature".

I hope you go, and I hope you find it helpful!

Sweetfa

Thanks, I'm planning on going tomorrow night

Hammer

ONLY IF . . . you want to be a whole lot better YOU.

Your Life, Your Choice.

And IF you are going to put in the time -- Do the Whole Steps Thing.

They are not just words on the wall or a book or whatever.

Mountainmanbob

now that you are free of him
I would find a good church to attend
time spent there can be most rewarding

Mountainman