Throwing my hands up
 

Hi everyone. I'm posting here because I'm at my wits end with my feelings about my AEB. I will spare you all the details of the relationship, the way it ended, etc but just know that I FINALLY walked away from what was an emotionally abusive relationship with an alcoholic where I lost myself almost completely. Knowing that I made the right choice for my life, I am STILL struggling with these feelings of missing him, wondering what he's doing, how he could hurt me so badly and not truly be sorry...I'm hundreds of miles away from him where I know NOBODY and you would think it would be easier to start over and forget him and our unhealthy relationship...yet here I sit on a Saturday night, posting on a sober recovery forum instead of doing something fun...

I have been off and on with this man for over two years. I have left before but this time, I'm really going to stay away. I know I have to for my own sanity. He has reached out twice via text message since I broke up with him but it's been a month now since he's said anything. Why does that bother me? I didn't respond to his texts and yet I still want him to say something. I want him to have the capacity to genuinely realize how terribly he has treated me. I want him to be sorry...

And yes, part of me does wish he would actually change. I know that's wishful thinking and not healthy. It's hard for me to believe I would have wasted so much time on someone who honestly doesn't care about me...can an alcoholic care about someone?

Please help me.

Hello, and Welcome Home.

Dunno about the how to or not respond, change them, or much else.

Even when I think I am just paddling along down this river . . . my whole canoe is usually pointing the wrong direction.

Guess you know about Alanon and 12 Step Stuff.

And where it starts . . . .

Step 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol ~ that our lives had become unmanageable.

Are you there?

good that you have distance. Time heals all, and at least you recognize this. Stay strong. I went thru something similar. I just could not believe someone could be so cruel and mean to me. But it wasn't never about me. I guess I was "addicted" to him for awhile, then realized how thankful I broke it off!!!

I am going through the same thing. Its like a repeated recording in my mind, Why, why, why was I so stupid, why am I a doormat, why did I let him do that to me, why did he do that, why is he like that, why do I still love him, why did he just walk away, why doesn't the universe put him through hell as punishment, why doesn't he give a rat's ass about us, why can't he see he needs help, why can't I get him out of my head, why doesn't he love me, why can't I stop thinking, why can I not just shut the door on this mess and move on, why why why why why why???? I love him. I truly do. I love him, and planned to spend my life with him. He is an alcoholic and is obviously mentally ill and abusive, and I still love him but I CANNOT be with him anymore. I tried telling myself to just think of him like he had died. That didn't work. Can he actually care? He says he does, I am not convinced. I want him to have consequences. I want him to hurt like I have over this. I haven't figured it out either, I am stuck in the same spot as you are. Hurts like hell. I just keep repeating over and over to myself...I did the right thing. He was abusive, he did horrible things. I did the right thing. It DOES NOT feel like the right thing when I am missing him so badly. I know it is. But its sickeningly heartbreakingly painful. I am here right now, right here with you. BIG FAT HUGS to you.

Hey letyougo, sorry for what brings you here but glad you got out of the dodge, it will get easier and better and happier for you.

Couple weeks ago I traded my old car in for a new one. Sitting in the old car for the very last time and "saying goodbye" I suddenly found myself so upset - I was so young when I bought that car, full of hope, it was a good car, lots of great trips.Unfortunately there was something wrong with the electronic, breaks failed twice, once on the highway. The car almost killed me, yet when sitting there I really pondered ditching the new car and driving away. Luckily I didn't. Love the new car, I'm not that young any more, but again, full of hopes and plans and dreams.

After my divorce was final from my husband, I moved half-way across the country to start a graduate school program. I was scared and lonely.

But in time, I started to meet new people, became more familiar with the area and got out more just to explore!

Please be kind to you and allow yourself to decompress and adjust. It does get better...I promise!

Hey everyone. I am overwhelmed by the support. Thank you all for responding and for sharing your personal stories. It means so much.

Sometimes I'm afraid I will always wonder what happened to him.

Sometimes I'm afraid I will always be heartbroken over him/this.

He was supposed to have been sober for 6 months by now and moved with me to this new city but instead he relapsed shortly after leaving rehab (and it's been one big relapse ever since) He never saved any money to move and frankly I didn't want him to come like that...

Sometimes I wonder if he ever had any intention of moving with me.


I guess all I can do is take it a day at a time...much love and hugs to you all.

I am feeling so many of these things! But great advice... I DID THE RIGHT THING!! Even if it hurts and I don't understand...big hugs and thank you!!

I hope I can be strong like you!! It is so lonely.

I would like to say yes.

This is so hard.

What a great metaphor...

I feel like I'm going to walk everywhere going forward...no more
Cars for me