"Hypocrisy Police"?
 

I tend to call people out on their hypocrisy, although not necessarily to their face. I just feel that people who say something about what other people do and then do the opposite themselves, lose all credibility and have no room to talk. Whenever I say this, a close friend (alcoholic) always tells me that I don't need to be the hypocrisy police.

Who is more "in the right"? lol

Neither. A lose lose situation.

People who spend time weeding others back yards do so because they have too many weeds hiding in their own. I speak from experience as I have been guilty of this.

Judgement and my ego are two big things I really have to keep in check.

If someone wants to be a hypocrite then that is on them. It really only affects me if I let it.

I agree with your friend. I only "call out" my husband on stuff and only because he's my husband and we're comfortable with one another. Anyone else can do or say what they like and its not my place to show them the error in their ways.

Choublak, It sounds like your A friend has a successful way to regularly halt your gossip.

Don't feel bad. My RAH is 1,000 times more forgiving than me too.

I think it's called taking other people's inventory.

I'm far too busy with my own issues.

What if it's the friend who's being the hypocrite and then telling me not to be the hypocrisy police if I call it out?

Why do you feel the need to "call people out?"

L

There are many things that other humans do that I find baffling and even annoying, choublak (depending on my own mood). But I'm not in charge of them or their decisions or behaviors. If I object too strongly to someone's behavior, I don't hang out with them. Personally, I am busy enough trying to keep myself on track.

What someone thinks of you is none of your business. Just curious why this is so important to you? It just seems like wasted energy to me trying to prove who is right and wrong? :dunno:

P.S I love your new avatar!

My dad once told me that everyone is a hypocrite, just to varying degrees. I feel this is true.

Clearly some people are waaaaaaaaaay worse than others in this regard, and when they are constant and extreme, yes, it irritates me. In extreme cases, I do speak up. When they are just spewing forth a hateful stream of consciousness constantly, I speak up. It depends on the situation whether I speak up to come to the defense of another whom is being picked apart, or if I tell the hypocrite of the situation that I don't care to hear the bs, etc. I don't always speak up even in extreme cases. Sometimes there's no point in doing so, it's futile.

See my quote below from Socrates. Love that quote! I think it ties in well regarding being a hypocrite.

My husband is incredibly guilty of judging others while having no room to talk. Honestly, deep down, I know he knows this. He's projecting his self hatred outward. It's sad, really. I think how much energy that must take, and how much arranging of thoughts, etc. It seems like a lot of work.

Everyone is guilty of being a hypocrite at least once in a while. Myself included, obviously.

I find it's often not helpful to call someone out on it, because (particularly for repeat offenders), it is coming from self loathing and they will defend themselves to the death. They took the time to construct that fantasy world, they will fight for it. In cases where people really aren't coming from a place of protecting their own insecurities, and they are just having an ignorant moment, they might be more open. However, it would probably be best to be tactful and do so in a more subtle way - kind of making a point at some time in the future that gets them to think, but not necessarily realize that you did that deliberately/appreciate that you didn't embarrass them if they do realize it - if you want to keep the relationship intact. It depends on how big a deal it is, if they are harming others or not. Some things just don't matter enough to make a deal out of. Also depends on the type of relationship you have to that person.

I think intentions matter. There is a difference between an angry, hateful person constantly judging while being abusive themselves, and someone who would be mortified to realize that they were being ignorant, or embarrassed that they lacked insight, and is sorry once they realize it. Likewise, I think the intentions of the person "calling them out" matters too. And I think the history matters too.

My husband also had a habit of nitpicking every little thing, no matter how inconsequential. Again, this is his insecurity, he's afraid he's not enough, so he picks everything else apart constantly.

There are many variables, and each situation is unique. Therefore it would be hard to give a black or white answer regarding hypocrisy and what to do or not do about it in each unique situation.

Peace.

I agree that it might be another one of those codependent behaviors -- you know, focusing on fixing other people instead of ourselves, focusing on correcting other people instead of just making a mental note of how their behavior affects us and choosing not to be around them if it affects us in a negative way.

And then I think part of it is also to learn to accept people the way they are. Sometimes, you can choose to remove yourself from them and their influence (like friends, lovers). Other times, you can't (kids, or as in my case, some coworkers in an otherwise great job). And then you just have to find ways to incorporate what you know about them and work around it.

I'm totally conflict-averse, to a degree where I don't even take conflicts I should because I dislike them so much (working on that). But to me, it's a lot easier to find ways to get along with those difficult people rather than try to make them change their ways.