for once.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
for once.....
I did not do anything for Valentine's Day, and had no expectations of my BF doing anything either. My fantasies and expectations have led to bitter disappointment and I'm getting better at living in the moment and taking things as they come. I'm usually pretty romantic and have something ready and/or up my sleeve but I was ambivalent so I didn't end up doing anything.
I worked and came home to a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a homemade card, chocolate and an Amazon gift card!!!!! My BF told me he is grateful that I've stuck in there and believed in him. He said he wished he could have bought the bike I want if he could have afforded it. I am not materialistic but I have to say it was nice to be on the receiving end of things once again. Did I mention the pile of washed and folded laundry on the bed? I was pretty amazed. I had a twinge of guilt because I didn't give him anything but a hug and a kiss but then it passed. I could tell he was happy doing this for me and didn't expect anything in return. In the past I would have beaten myself up and felt horrible about not having anything for him, but I honestly didn't feel that way. That is huge.
Last night while he was at work I made brownies that ended up being absolutely disgusting. I had to throw them away. Normally this kind of thing would make me feel down on myself but I was like, "oh well....I hate baking anyway!" (love cooking though) I am going to get a card and buy some cupcakes today and celebrate with him tomorrow.
I had a great night by myself--just hung around, read and did some things around the house. I went to bed around 10:30 and woke at 3:00. I looked outside and it was snowing pretty hard. I didn't have a twinge of worry or anxiety. I knew he'd be home when he was done, the truck has 4WD and he is an adult who is perfectly capable of taking care of himself.
It's so crazy....I feel like I've gone two steps back and then made a great leap forward this week. I've discovered new facets of myself in just a few days. I am at a crossroads and am taking action to change my life like never before. It's exciting, and I know it will continue as long as I keep putting the work in.
I worked and came home to a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a homemade card, chocolate and an Amazon gift card!!!!! My BF told me he is grateful that I've stuck in there and believed in him. He said he wished he could have bought the bike I want if he could have afforded it. I am not materialistic but I have to say it was nice to be on the receiving end of things once again. Did I mention the pile of washed and folded laundry on the bed? I was pretty amazed. I had a twinge of guilt because I didn't give him anything but a hug and a kiss but then it passed. I could tell he was happy doing this for me and didn't expect anything in return. In the past I would have beaten myself up and felt horrible about not having anything for him, but I honestly didn't feel that way. That is huge.
Last night while he was at work I made brownies that ended up being absolutely disgusting. I had to throw them away. Normally this kind of thing would make me feel down on myself but I was like, "oh well....I hate baking anyway!" (love cooking though) I am going to get a card and buy some cupcakes today and celebrate with him tomorrow.
I had a great night by myself--just hung around, read and did some things around the house. I went to bed around 10:30 and woke at 3:00. I looked outside and it was snowing pretty hard. I didn't have a twinge of worry or anxiety. I knew he'd be home when he was done, the truck has 4WD and he is an adult who is perfectly capable of taking care of himself.
It's so crazy....I feel like I've gone two steps back and then made a great leap forward this week. I've discovered new facets of myself in just a few days. I am at a crossroads and am taking action to change my life like never before. It's exciting, and I know it will continue as long as I keep putting the work in.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
GOOD FOR YOU!
Yeah, was having such a moment myself today.
Walking. Yeah, walking. From the house today -- to our local, close Alanon, or Alanoon as I call the Saturday Noon Meeting. Same one I stopped at a year and a half ago, when we became homeless. Went from homeless to so close we can walk to Alanon / AA.
Man oh man, God is funny.
Now Mrs. has been to and back from Rehab. Never seen THAT coming a year and a half ago. I am now working (and yes, you are correct -- this IS Work) my way up the Alanon path -- Steps Program, Alateen Sponsor, Alanon Intro Meeting Rep at the Local Rehab, got the kids into Alateen. ON and On and on.
Wow. Been quite a year and a half. The T was telling me, last week, and some of you here have been telling me, just like you are observing of yourself . . . .
YOU HAVE COME A LONG WAY (reader) BABY! (was that not some old cigarette ad?)
Me, Too! And Maybe The Same for EVERYONE Here.
But it is Work. You HAVE to do it.
Continue to March!
Well my Alarm Clock says 4 oclock prayers.
Amen.
Yeah, was having such a moment myself today.
Walking. Yeah, walking. From the house today -- to our local, close Alanon, or Alanoon as I call the Saturday Noon Meeting. Same one I stopped at a year and a half ago, when we became homeless. Went from homeless to so close we can walk to Alanon / AA.
Man oh man, God is funny.
Now Mrs. has been to and back from Rehab. Never seen THAT coming a year and a half ago. I am now working (and yes, you are correct -- this IS Work) my way up the Alanon path -- Steps Program, Alateen Sponsor, Alanon Intro Meeting Rep at the Local Rehab, got the kids into Alateen. ON and On and on.
Wow. Been quite a year and a half. The T was telling me, last week, and some of you here have been telling me, just like you are observing of yourself . . . .
YOU HAVE COME A LONG WAY (reader) BABY! (was that not some old cigarette ad?)
Me, Too! And Maybe The Same for EVERYONE Here.
But it is Work. You HAVE to do it.
Continue to March!
Well my Alarm Clock says 4 oclock prayers.
Amen.
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