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She did it again grrrr

Old 02-15-2014, 09:20 AM
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She did it again grrrr

The aunt did it again. My daughter is having a team dinner tomorrow and we are expecting 15 girls here. Guess what, the aunt and her older daughter are going to an event tonight and is taking the kids with her and they are spending the night (maybe) leaving early this afternoon she cleared it through my AH. I found out about it this morning - well I worked 40 some hours this week the kids have no responsibility sound here(I am the big mean mom who makes them do thing like pick up there stuff-according to AH) well guess who get to go buy all the stuff clean the house and cook for 20 people tomorrow.

He said something about buying the stuff but I don't know if I can count on him. I am just do mad that they all decided to dump on me. I am giving serious thoughts to leaving for day and not doing anything. Grrrr

Lol I leave for the day I can hear it all now - what a awful mom I am. Think I will do it any ways they can scramble to get it all done. So mad right now.
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Old 02-15-2014, 09:33 AM
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I'm sorry, Cricket. Just out of curiosity, what would happen if you called your AH and his sister and explained that the kids can not spend the night because of the party tomorrow and set a reasonable hour for them to be home? Or, told your AH that he will have to choose one of the major responsibilities (cleaning or cooking) for tomorrow and be in charge of it?

I know how difficult it is when you don't get help with the cleaning/cooking for parties. That happens to me frequently. I've finally just started giving up some of the control. If that means my house is not as clean as I'd like, so be it. Or, if it means I feed the group delivery pizza as opposed to a home cooked meal, so be it. I've found that the more I take care of these types of things, the more my family expects me to do and the less they help. If, on the other hand, I give up some of the control and just let the chips fall where they may, my family realizes they need to step up and help if they want things to go as planned. Or, sometimes, I find that when I give up control and it doesn't go as I thought it should, we still have fun and it's still a successful party.

Hugs, cricket.
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Old 02-15-2014, 09:36 AM
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Also, just wanted to say: With controlling family members, I've found that I have to just step up and say NO. No is a complete sentence. Does not require an explanation. If they don't like my answer, that's their problem. If my children are disappointed, they will get over it. If my reasons are valid (and not just about me but about the welfare of our family), then I don't feel guilty saying NO to controlling people.
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Old 02-15-2014, 09:38 AM
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cricket, with all this conflict and chaos and the fact that the AH and family work counter to whatever you plan, it would be best to STOP trying to plan things, especially big things like hosting 20+ in your home. you might as well plan to have it in the middle of the freeway at rush hour.

you are in a lousy situation, with an ah who works against you at every turn, and who uses the children against you as well. really sucks for the kids...they have no choice and are going to align with the easier "whatever" parent.

it's just wrong that you are left to DO "everything" while everybody else bails. but that's what you have on your hands. the only way to not feel abused is to not put yourself in that scenario. it's probably time to consider more drastic measures.....
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Old 02-15-2014, 09:38 AM
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Cricket, I have a big hang up about having my house look just so when people come over. But really this stress is me being a Codie trying to be perfect. So the following is me being a hypocrite-

Buy stauffers lasagna, garlic bread, and a huge bagged salad. If you need dessert, make Rice Krispies and dye the marshmallow goo red. Give AH the receipt.

Touch up where people will be in your house, and do your usual clean everywhere else. Buy yourself some flowers.
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Old 02-15-2014, 09:39 AM
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You are a better person than me. I would pack a bag, go to a nice hotel, maybe get a message, treat myself to a fancy dinner, and sleep in a heavenly bed at the hotel. They can fend for themselves. You deserve a pampered day. Good luck friend.
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Old 02-15-2014, 09:52 AM
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Originally Posted by cricket123 View Post
The aunt did it again. My daughter is having a team dinner tomorrow and we are expecting 15 girls here. Guess what, the aunt and her older daughter are going to an event tonight and is taking the kids with her and they are spending the night (maybe) leaving early this afternoon she cleared it through my AH. I found out about it this morning - well I worked 40 some hours this week the kids have no responsibility sound here(I am the big mean mom who makes them do thing like pick up there stuff-according to AH) well guess who get to go buy all the stuff clean the house and cook for 20 people tomorrow.

He said something about buying the stuff but I don't know if I can count on him. I am just do mad that they all decided to dump on me. I am giving serious thoughts to leaving for day and not doing anything. Grrrr

Lol I leave for the day I can hear it all now - what a awful mom I am. Think I will do it any ways they can scramble to get it all done. So mad right now.
Don't blame you for being irate - I would xxxx
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Old 02-15-2014, 09:52 AM
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If you want to leave, do it! No one asked you if this plan was okay with you, and that's just rude and inconsiderate. Let them fend for themselves completely. If the kids are mad, they'll get over it. I'm sure your husband and SIL know how to dial a phone and order pizza.

This makes me really mad. You DO NOT have to put up with this kind of treatment. Your SIL is waaay out of bounds. Do you have a friend you could hang out with today? I wouldn't be coming home till 10 or 11 tonight, if at all.

Big HUGS to you.
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Old 02-15-2014, 11:04 AM
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If it were me, I'd give the kids two options: either they come home and help or they stay at SIL's and cancel the party. Their choice.
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Old 02-15-2014, 11:09 AM
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And for what it's worth, I think being considered a "mean mom" probably means you're doing a few things right considering that your AH and you SIL are working against you. Kids don't need their parents to be their friends, they need their parents to teach them responsibility, consequences, humility and kindness. That's how they turn out to be good contributing members of society. My MIL insists that I'm "no fun" because I won't allow my 2 year old to eat fast food. Uh huh, yes, eating fast food is loads of fun. Not!
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Old 02-15-2014, 11:14 AM
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Up date I guess this was AH's ideal at the game last night he asked his sister if the girls could go too and they arranged it. His response was I was there I should of known. They were down the other side of the kids and his mom how was I suppose to be part of that conversation? Love this blind sidedness not.

I'm off to see a movie and some shopping than I don't know what. Guess who is doing it all?
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Old 02-15-2014, 12:06 PM
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I am giving serious thoughts to leaving for day and not doing anything. Grrrr

I did that once. Axb invited a bunch of people over for ds4's birthday after I had already made the plans to have a small get-together with just us and his parents. He drunk-dialed a bunch of people and invited them all over for the party, expecting me to clean the house, make the cake, and basically do everything while he drank and diddled around on the internet.
His parents came over early, but I had the cake ready. So we did cake and gifts with them, then I left with ds for a day out. Left the ex at home with a half-eaten birthday cake and a LOT of phone calls to make.
Enjoy your movie and shopping!

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