Feeling Sad and hopeless
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 21
Feeling Sad and hopeless
Hi everyone. This past year has been a really long and sad one that is why I haven't posted anything for awhile. My mom passed away suddenly in April and I got married in July.
My marriage is where I was beyond hurt by my BF. She was my maid of honor. I knew/know that she is an A but I "rationally" thought she could do this, we had been friends for 24 years. I know my first mistake was thinking rationally. I don't know how to shorten the story so...
My wedding was at 5 in the evening. I told her she needed to be there by 4. At 4:10 she still wasn't there so I called her. She had not even left her house yet and my wedding was 45 min. away from where she lives. Thankfully my aunt and sister-in-law knew how to do my dress. My BF shows up at 4:50 and is profusely apologetic with an excuse "I'm sorry, I thought my clock said it was only 3 not 4." I was VERY angry at her, but I was not going to let her ruin MY day. SHE was not the center of attention.
She tried to contact me once afterwards and left me a vm saying that she knew I was mad but we really needed to talk. I never called her back and have not seen nor spoken to her since my wedding day. After a while I wasn't really angry at her anymore, but more hurt. We had been friends for 24 years and I have stuck by her through everything. I feel like our entire friendship was nothing but lies. A couple of months went by afterwards and I just could not stop thinking about her daughter whom was only 5. I love that little girl like she was my own. I did not call CPS ( I know some people would, but as far as I'm concerned they are a joke)I called her parents. They were aware of previous problems, but did not realize how horrible this problem was/is. Their biggest concern (as mine) was her daughter. I didn't hide anything from them as I had been. The reason why I did this was because of her daughter. I did not want to feel like there was something I could have done if her daughter was injured.
I did feel as though a huge "weight" had been lifted afterwards because there was/is someone else to look out for the daughter now that I am no longer in the picture.
For the past month though I can not stop thinking about my BF. I really miss her. I know that there is nothing I can do. I have been to Al-Anon meetings previously with my EXAH and I know that I have to let go and let god. I just don't know how to. I feel lost; I lost my mom, my BF, and my grandmother all in 10months.
My marriage is where I was beyond hurt by my BF. She was my maid of honor. I knew/know that she is an A but I "rationally" thought she could do this, we had been friends for 24 years. I know my first mistake was thinking rationally. I don't know how to shorten the story so...
My wedding was at 5 in the evening. I told her she needed to be there by 4. At 4:10 she still wasn't there so I called her. She had not even left her house yet and my wedding was 45 min. away from where she lives. Thankfully my aunt and sister-in-law knew how to do my dress. My BF shows up at 4:50 and is profusely apologetic with an excuse "I'm sorry, I thought my clock said it was only 3 not 4." I was VERY angry at her, but I was not going to let her ruin MY day. SHE was not the center of attention.
She tried to contact me once afterwards and left me a vm saying that she knew I was mad but we really needed to talk. I never called her back and have not seen nor spoken to her since my wedding day. After a while I wasn't really angry at her anymore, but more hurt. We had been friends for 24 years and I have stuck by her through everything. I feel like our entire friendship was nothing but lies. A couple of months went by afterwards and I just could not stop thinking about her daughter whom was only 5. I love that little girl like she was my own. I did not call CPS ( I know some people would, but as far as I'm concerned they are a joke)I called her parents. They were aware of previous problems, but did not realize how horrible this problem was/is. Their biggest concern (as mine) was her daughter. I didn't hide anything from them as I had been. The reason why I did this was because of her daughter. I did not want to feel like there was something I could have done if her daughter was injured.
I did feel as though a huge "weight" had been lifted afterwards because there was/is someone else to look out for the daughter now that I am no longer in the picture.
For the past month though I can not stop thinking about my BF. I really miss her. I know that there is nothing I can do. I have been to Al-Anon meetings previously with my EXAH and I know that I have to let go and let god. I just don't know how to. I feel lost; I lost my mom, my BF, and my grandmother all in 10months.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
O sweetie, that is alot of loss for a person to take. You are grieving. Do you go to a counselor and meetings? I know my church offers grief counseling and it has been a blessing for several I know.
You do really have to let go and let God in this situation. Get involved with things you enjoy. If you don't know what those things are, start trying different things until they click. Take a pottery or photography class, volunteer, there are all sorts of things that can keep you busy and also let you meet people who will be friends to you.
Big Hugs.
You do really have to let go and let God in this situation. Get involved with things you enjoy. If you don't know what those things are, start trying different things until they click. Take a pottery or photography class, volunteer, there are all sorts of things that can keep you busy and also let you meet people who will be friends to you.
Big Hugs.
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