Got the crazies today
 

Need some a** kicking today all. AH pulling back again after spending time together, good time, over last two weeks. (separated) Now back to "we need to slow down, dont want to hurt you anymore, I dont know what I want". I know it shouldnt throw me but it does.

I've read my daily pages and have taken a walk already. Need to get concentrating on work and its difficult. Ive got to stop this! Sometimes I wish I did not love him, it would be easier.
Any quick working suggestions?
Thanks,'
Alexia

Alexia-

It is just one day at a time(odat). Sometimes it is one minute at a time if you want to be quick about it...

It sounds like you are doing what you can right now. Stay in the here and now. The past is over and the future is not here yet. So try not to project what you think might happen. Trust your HP... :hug: 2 U

Hi Alexia, Splendra is right of course. ake it one day at a time. Is your AH in recovery at all?
My wife and I separated along time while I mydsself was recovering, things were very unclear to me. Guilt over my past hurting her made me wary of coming back. I wasn't sure I could trust myself. As went further along in my sobriety I realized that she was what I wanted and learned better coping skillls that have helped me deal with the relatioship which has helped me tremendously.
We did take it slow giving us a chance toto reintroduce ourselves.
If he is still active there is a reason he has to be afraid of hurting you again. He is still filled with fear. Concentrate on you and take care of yourself.

He is still active. Came to a big realization a few weeks ago and did not drink, went to a few meetings then gave up. I know I cant fix that. It's just the fear I guess that we wont work things out. Of course I know I cant force it, and if I really used my head and not my heart I would say I'm better off. But I cant help wanting to stay married.

Everyone says time will tell. How much time before you realize you have to give up?

You take as much time as you need. Actually, if you decide to leave, you are not giving up, you are moving on. If you are physically in danger, you move yourself to a place of safety and realize NO ONE has the right to hurt you. If it's the verbal abuse, you move yourself to a place of safety where you know YOU are a worthwhile person and the words are just quacking, they mean nothing. Your place of safety may be in your home and asking him to leave, it could be you moving, it could be you just learning to detach and not get sucked into his addiction and letting him deal with HIS problem.
You have choices. It doesn't mean you can't change your choice tomorrow or tonight or an hour from now.
Again... you don't give up, you move on! Afterall you are a growning human spirit, learning and changing all the time.

Happy day Alexia!

They say,
"Don't sweat the small stuff... (you have to remember) because, it's all small stuff."

I can't offer any quick fix Alexia, if I could, I'd fix my situation even quicker, but I can tell you that that's the way it is. One minute they love you, the next they don't know what they want. And as "river" and others have said, time is the only, and the greatest healer of all.

I am believing what everyone says about "stepping away" from the Alocholic's behavior and the abuse they dump on us. Mine is home and it's so wierd. We still aren't speaking per se, but this morning I saw a glimpse of her old self... just for a moment, but it made me feel good too. It still didn't make me want to stay, but it let me see that maybe she was trying to show me that something had changed.

He doesn't know anymore of what he's feeling than you do Alexia, and being apart may be the answer that could bring you back together. At least I'm hoping that for me. I don't know, but you have to just worry about you, and if that love was really strong in the first place, maybe once sobriety takes hold, he'll see... and remember. But take care of you, first!

Remember that saying, "If you love someone, let them go... if they return, then you know." :thinking: Not sure if that's how it goes, but you get the point.

I'm rootin' for you, dear! :cheer
Ra Ra Ree, kick 'em in the knee! Alcoholism's not messin' with me. Ra Ra Rass, kick 'em in ass. Watch that step and if it's a wobble, knock 'em in the head, with the gottdam bottle!

Love your cheerleader LostDream. (I've got to figure out how to do all that fancy stuff) Thanks for the support. Yes, you are right. Let him go and if he returns it was ment to be. It's all that time in between that's the killer. Glad to have this Board and my meetings. Hope you all dont get sick of me here. Your words are calming, so I need to keep writing.
My thoughts are also with you LostDream in your situation. If I could help I sure would. I'm here for you as well!
Alexia