Some Good News - Well, of sorts.

Old 02-10-2014, 02:37 PM
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Some Good News - Well, of sorts.

I just wanted to post to say thanks to all of you for your support over the past few months.

Firstly, a confession. I changed the scenario a little when posting by pretending I was the wife in our relationship - actually I am the husband and my wife is the A. I did this because I wasn't sure if anyone would identify us from my postings, but as no one has (and it is academic now anyway) I thought I should come clean. Everything else I have posted about our situation is true.

Following my wife's gradual decent into alcoholism, I have given her chance after chance after chance despite her selfish crazy alcoholic behaviour. It was very difficult for me to see a way out of what was a very difficult situation until I came here. I tried AA and it wasn't for me.

At first, I thought you all were very unfeeling and hard in your views about running away! I just didn't see that this was an option given that I had committed to staying with this woman for the rest of my life. I realised after a while that there wasn't anything I could do to control her drinking, nor could I cure it. Despite her assertions to the contrary, I didn't cause it either, despite the guilt I was feeling.

Last year, I split from her because she had cheated. I foolishly took her back, as I was taken in by the "I will do anything to get you back, including stopping drinking" routine.

As you can probably guess, the boozy craziness has continued. I reached the point around Christmas where I really was thinking "No more". Having that separation last year showed me that there is a life after an A spouse and that sometimes it is better to be alone and be happy with a stable and fulfilling life, rather than staying with and trying to repair someone who simply cannot be repaired. It is like wading through treacle.

Someone on here said that you will only stay with someone whilst the pain of divorce outweighs the pain of staying with them. I completely understand that now. I really did reach the end of my tolerance with my wife. Whilst I should be sad, the fact that I feel relieved, free and have a real lust for life again has shown me that I have made the right decision. I wish my wife no ill, but I really do think that the only way we can both have a fulfilling life and the only way she can truly recover is for us to split. I was only enabling her drinking by picking up the pieces every time something went wrong.

My divorce is now moving forward and I am happy that I am doing the right thing. I have a social life again. I am seeing friends I haven't seen in years. I am enjoying new hobbies and going to new places without the fear of what I will be coming back to.

To those of you out there in a relationship with someone with addiction issues, all I can say is this. You need to decide how much of your life you are going to give to help that person. But remember that at the end of the day, they have free will too and you simply cannot sacrifice your own life to try and fix someone else's, no matter how much you love them. It isn't in your gift to stop someone being an alcoholic.

Above all else, I will say this. You only get one chance at life. Once that life has gone, you will not get another one. So make the right choices for you and don't be afraid to be a little bit selfish.

I did. And I am now the happiest I have been in years. I have most definitely missed my connection on the crazy train.
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Old 02-10-2014, 03:12 PM
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Well said. Powerful words. Thank you for sharing.
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Old 02-10-2014, 03:57 PM
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Thank you for your post.. you have given me much to chew on.
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Old 02-10-2014, 05:48 PM
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I enjoyed reading this, it gives me hope that one day soon I will see the light at the end of the tunnel...I'm very glad you are happy!
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