JustAGirl1971

My STBXAH is moving out this weekend. I know it will be an emotional weekend for all of us, but I'm especially worried about the kids (teens.) Any ideas how to make a difficult weekend easier? Any thing special that you did/did not do with or for your kids in those first days/weeks after the A parent left? Specifically looking for lower cost things as we will be on a strict budget. Both kids are in counseling.

What about for me? Anything you did for yourself that you found helpful/not helpful? Or, anything you wished you had/had not done?

Thanks

spiderqueen

Can you be out and about with the kids for most of the day - beach, friends, shopping, or whatever; then have simple evening plans at home like pizza & movie? Or see if they can spend the night with friends to give you all some emotional space & distraction?

It doesn't need to seem like you're celebrating, or mourning. But some plans to keep you and them busy would be good. Has he packed? Are people coming to help? Hopefully he won't try to turn it into a woe-is-me drama, especially in front of the kids.

Good luck to you. Sorry you have to go through this. But I am sure you will be very glad for the peace in the house when he's gone.
(hugs)

JustAGirl1971

Thanks, spiderqueen. No, he hasn't packed. He's kind of dragging his heels on that end... but, he's not taking that much with him... just some electronics, a few pieces of furniture, and clothing/etc. I don't know who will help him move? Maybe friends. Or, maybe oldest ds (just out of college.) That's a good idea to be gone. We could do a matinee and lunch.

Florence

I gave my DS14 a lot of extra love and time together without the stressors of school and family stuff. This is why biking became to integral to our family life. I also made sure he was somewhere else while my STBXAH got his stuff, so he couldn't see the fireworks while they were happening. Extra hugs, more family dinners, listening to his needs and fears. He got really tired of me asking how he feels.

Oh, and I helped my STBXAH "pre-pack." It was very quick.

hopeful4

I can tell you what we did a few weeks ago, and I have to say it was really fun. We went roller skating! It was pretty cheap and we just went and had some fun. We went for icecream after, the local frozen yogurt place is 1/2 price between 11-2.

My kids have also enjoyed swimming indoors. I know my gym as well as the local college's rec center has open swim days. My kids think it's really fun to swim inside when it's cold outside. The rec center one has rock walls and zip lines and stuff like that.

My heart is with you my friend. Tight Hugs!

CodeJob

We have a little electric fireplace heater. I moved it in the MBR then just sat here in bed enjoying the peaceful look and sound of it. I did a lot of reading and journaling tucked in bed.

iamthird

My separated AH hated seafood and I love seafood so I took kids out for a seafood dinner at the pier when I knew he was packing up and moving. Whenever I wanted seafood he'd make a throw up sound like he was 8 yrs old. Do the things he wouldnt ever "let you do".

Then we arranged furniture and I got new cheap bedding at Walmart just so it was not the same room i shared with him. May sound dumb and subtle but it made a big difference. I gave kids some choices about their rooms, etc...kinda like a small project so the house didnt feel like we were missing him so much and they felt like they had some say so and I didnt spend very much money at all...

unsureoffuture

I agree with the others. If you can take them out somewhere and do something different that you don't normally do, it will take their minds off of the situation. It is probably not the healthiest for them to be there during the actual leaving since Im sure there will be tears. There is bowling, pottery painting, visit a new mall or museum, put put golf. Indoor play areas-laser tag if you have teens.

FireSprite

Great ideas all around, and this one in particular is something that I did when RAH (AH at the time) separated. I needed it to be & feel like MY home & so did DD.

It was also helpful for her to get a bit of closure talking to RAH about him moving before it happened. It was important for her to understand that she wasn't responsible, to blame, or in the middle of our problems & to hear it from BOTH of us. If that's at all possible, it might be worth it to them. Of course, DD was much, much younger at the time than your teens are so it may not be the same for them.

Refiner

My ex-husband was a super snob when it came to music and he HATED country music and would not allow me to listen to it. As soon as he moved out I bought as many country CD's as I could afford!! (it was 1999). I'm a major country music lover to this day!

lillamy

Bring a couple of friends over to break up the tension. They can help pack and carry and they will dilute the strong emotions.

That would be my main thing.

After we separated, I spent all my energy on the kids. We did all the things AXH always refused to do -- invite people over to the house (we had a party a week after moving in; everyone sat on the floor and we ate pizza out of cartons), all curl up in the bed and watch movies together, get up super early and go animal hunting with cameras, arrange play dates with their friends at OUR house! I really tried very, very hard to show them all the GOOD sides of being out of their father's house.

JustAGirl1971

Thank you for the great ideas, everyone! I like the idea of rearranging the furniture and redecorating! I am planning to replace the carpeting in the living room with wood flooring, so that will make it look different, too. On the food, we can finally get rid of red meat since he's the only one who likes it Another positive: Lots more closet space!

I think I'll just make it an easy weekend for me and the kids. Skip the house cleaning and go do things like ice skating and a movie.

hopeful4

I hope you all have a wonderful time!

JustAGirl1971

Yes, definitely, AH didn't like for the kids to have friends over every weekend so we can start doing that the very next weekend

JustAGirl1971

Yes, we've both been doing this. It's harder with ds because no matter what we say, he still thinks it's his fault since he's the one that moved out We're working on that in counseling.

Lyssy

I don't have any advice with regards to this weekend, but hoping and praying it all goes smoothly and quietly for you and your kids.