noelevators12

Hello All,

I am still new to this site. I am coming up on 18 months drug/ alcohol free. My S.O. had a little under 2 years when I first got clean and went out about 8 months ago. It's been a struggle but I can say that due to my H.P and continuously working my program I have stayed clean and in recovery. I also never underestimate the power of support. I feel like I can't begin to give back as much as my support group has given to me but I do my best.

That being said, i'm having a hard time not getting my hopes up about my s.o. He has amazing recovery when doing the right thing but when he's using it's like a demon has taken over. He is doing things differently this time. Self paid and went into CMR in Northport. I want so bad to believe he will gain his recovery back, but I'm also afraid of him going back out. I keep reminding myself to keep it in the day and that i'm powerless over all but myself. Guess, I'm just looking for a little extra support today!

I can say at this point that I now know what it feels like to be on both sides (to be the one who is struggling and to watch someone I love struggle).

love u all,
-T

CodeJob

Congrats on 18 months noelevators12.

Your feelings I think are perfectly natural - particularly since you can empathize with your S.O. You know the struggle. Does he have a HP? It took me a while on step 2 to settle on my HP, but my RAH is Christian so I will go to church and pray to 'his HP' for his continued healing. Better to confess all my wishes and worries about my RAH to his HP than set them up as expectations. Best of luck!

noelevators12

Thank you for your reply. My s.o. struggles with the concept of an H.P. He uses the group/ the rooms but has always struggled with belief in a H.P. It's interesting that you mention that b/c I have noticed some of the members of my support group who have struggled with believing in a power greater than themselves also seem to struggle with relapse. I know it took a lot for him to ask for help and he went into a program that I believe was founded on the original A.A. beliefs. Back when the success rates were much higher. I know all I can do is take care of myself and pray for him. I constantly have to remind myself of my 1st step (I'm powerless, not only over drugs, but over others as well).

-T

Seren

Hello noelevators, Welcome!

Eighteen months!! That is such fantastic news....congratulations!

Is your boyfriend still in rehab at the moment? If so, I think that's great news!

You know from your own struggles that this is going to be a lifetime of maintenance for both of you. Relapse, going back out, are real risks.

I wish we could tell you that things will be easy peasy from here on out...but I can't. I hope that he will truly decide long-term sobriety is what he wants and that he finds a way that works for him. Sending hugs and prayers for you and your boyfriend.

readerbaby71

Hi! Just wanted to welcome you and congratulate you on 18 months! That is a huge accomplishment. I don't think there's anything wrong with hoping your SO stays clean, but keep focusing on you and your own recovery. As you said, the only ones we can control are ourselves.

Wishing you and your SO all the best.

AnvilheadII

welcome, noelevators! and congrats on your clean time. that is such an accomplishment - you rode thru the rough patches and kept your recovery right in front of you.

my husband and I are 7 years on from crack addiction. his had been a 20 some year battle, we used together for 4.5 years. then came the super challenging time when I was SO ready to be done, but he wasn't making the jump with me at first......I began to make plans to move out because I couldn't live like that anymore. by some grace, he grudgingly quit but stated he wasn't DONE and if the opportunity arose....etc etc. made for a few ugly scenes......

but here we are 7 years later. we have stable jobs, we own a funky little house on a lake, monster mortgage, two cars, just paid on off, and two dogs. it's pretty cool. we were pretty lucky on getting this house...lucky or blessed??? no down payment, just moved in. and then within a year the bottom of the real estate market fell out and we were suddenly over $100k underwater.

sigh. is what it is.

but here's the thing.....for all the goodness and blessings, we are still today EXACTLY one bad decision away from mucking it all up. that keeps ya on your toes! the only recovery I can guarantee is my own...and only if I keep doing the right thing. hank "could" go off the rails. while I don't see anything like that happening....I must remain vigilant. have a plan and all that.

I truly with the best for you and your SO. keep your sh!t straight, live a good life, lead by example. when the student is ready, the teacher appears and all that. be well!

noelevators12

Thank you all for the support. I do my best to never forget where I came from and that I'm only one drink/ drug away from going back out...or worse. My S.O. has been in the rooms much longer than I. My heart breaks b/c he has amazing recovery when he is working a program. He has a pattern of going back out around the 2 yr. mark. I constantly remind myself that the best thing I can do is work on myself- no matter what anyone else's circumstances are. It's difficult b/c I love him so much and it's painful to watch him struggle. I know on one hand I'm powerless over others but at the same time want so much to see him do well. Trying to remain balanced. lol.