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Dealing with your recovering alcoholic ex-boyfriend who you love



Dealing with your recovering alcoholic ex-boyfriend who you love

Old 02-07-2014, 06:22 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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That's right, we didn't have a long relationship, though that's subject I guess. Gay relationships tend to accelerate faster so it seemed like a commitment to me.

I do want him to be happy and healthy for himself but I still hurt. I suppose it's selfish but I did come here seeking help for myself, not him.
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Old 02-07-2014, 06:32 PM
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then what are you willing to do for YOU? this isn't so much about his addiction as it is your feelings on how things worked out. sure you hurt, ending are like that. but it was only a few months of your life.....try to keep that in perspective....heck I remember clearly the day my husband walked out with a laundry basket of clothes under his arm, while I held our infant daughter. it just wasn't meant to be. it was tough and it hurt like hell, since he left me for my "best friend"....AND we all worked together.

.but life goes on. I didn't have time to assign blame, nor did I worry if he would come back...that door was CLOSED. you wanna go? GO. and godspeed. I remember about 3 months later when he called....my daughter and I were living in my mom's basement...and he said, I think I made a mistake....and I said, maybe, but it's too late. door only goes one way.

but that is just me.
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Old 02-07-2014, 07:10 PM
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Hankster...

Alcoholism is a selfish disease.

Recovery from alcoholism is also a very selfish act that should be commended.

It's a double edged sword my friend.

If I could be so bold, I would tell you to leave him be. Get through your broken heart with him and just move on. You really, seriously do not need an alcoholic in your life.
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Old 02-08-2014, 02:37 AM
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"I'm trying not to hold any resentment either but that's hard as well. I mean when you are holding someone's hand in the backseat of the car on the way to rehab as he sobs afraid that he will die during detox. Support him all the way through it and back and then basically get told to get lost. I'm having trouble processing those thoughts."

It is definitely hard to let them go and give up that love when you stood by their side. I did it for 6 years and now my ex is clean and sober for 9 months and then he tells me he can't be with me and he needs to work on him. It's a hard pill to swallow. But remember just pray that you will have the strength to let him go and just let him work his recovery. You work on you and if your higher power thinks that you two are suppose to be together it will happen. Don't wait around for him, because you might be waiting a long time. Enjoy your life and just pray for you and your ex. It's hard but the longer you do it, the better off you get. I just pray all the time that my broken heart will feel better and it's only been almost 3 weeks and it still hurts like hell. God bless
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Old 02-08-2014, 05:52 AM
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Thank you again for all the comments. I do love him with all my heart and I'm happy that he is trying to get better. I won't push him away if he comes back to me but I have to move on with my life as hard as it is. I'll continue to be supportive as a friend and that's all I can do. Eventually my mind gets tired of hurting and I'll let go.
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Old 02-08-2014, 06:35 AM
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I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know from experience and witnessing others that in order to cut out negativity in your life, sometimes you have to let go of some really wonderful parts as well. Just don't look at endings as just that. You have to close some doors in order to make room for others to open. ❤️
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Old 02-08-2014, 06:44 AM
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Thanks! Well stated…
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Old 02-09-2014, 07:16 AM
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He did text me yesterday to see how I was doing so that made me feel good. He said he hasn't been doing well. Not much i can do except reach out to say hi and offer support.
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Old 02-09-2014, 09:21 AM
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Glad you heard from him. No matter what happens at least you know he's thinking of you. X
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Old 02-09-2014, 09:25 AM
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Originally Posted by hankster View Post
I suppose it's selfish but I did come here seeking help for myself, not him.
HANKSTER!

YOU are going to do just fine.

Impressive.

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Old 02-28-2014, 04:53 PM
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Well almost exactly a month to the day we broke up, he announces on Facebook that he is in a relationship with someone he met in AA. This was a guy that I had met before and he mentioned to me and got very defensive about me knowing him. My assumptions were correct. He doesn't even have 60 days sober and he's already gone against what he said he needed to do (not be in a relationship for a year). I'm actually not angry or sad…because I know it's a grave mistake for him. He's setting himself up for failure. Oddly, that comforts me. I truly wish him the best but I feel this new found love is short lived...
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Old 02-28-2014, 05:02 PM
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Yes, hankster--the new relationship is likely to be the new "high".....until the high wears off....then, he will be faced with himself, once again.....

dandylion

Don't let this happen to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 02-28-2014, 05:20 PM
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Sorry Hankster,
I am glad you are feeling better. You are much better off without the drama, trust me. People in therapeutic treatment together are often advised not to start relationships with each other, because they often sabotage each others progress. So it doesn't look like he 'is trying to work on himself' seems like he is looking for an excuse to drink which will be the inevitable drama this new relationship brings.
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Old 02-28-2014, 05:29 PM
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Have you seen Hammer's video about Letting People Go?

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=573490496073256

Its brilliant. And it makes perfect sense. You will get past this, you will do better, be better, grow and learn and move on in life while he is stuck in his rut, in his cycle, going nowhere fast. Focus on you. It hurts and there will be days where you want to just scream in frustration at the ridiculousness and unfairness of the whole thing. Don't let his chaos drag you down, FOCUS on you. You seem pretty put together, I think you are going to do just fine. Let go of this guy, do a little work on you, and one day, you are going to find someone a hundred times better. I agree with everyone else, you are gonna be much better without the drama that comes attached to an alcoholic.
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Old 02-28-2014, 05:44 PM
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Thank you all. I am feeling MUCH better. Like I said, I'm not upset at all with regards to how it makes me feel. I've come to the conclusion already that it had nothing to do with me. Of course it strikes a nerve somewhere inside of me, but I'm not going to worry about it. I truly fear for him…I still care very deeply about him. But not much i can do about it, he needs to learn on his own. All I can do is be supportive…
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