BlueSkies1

Another thought, this one is about me, but I bet it works for alcoholics too.

Procrastination. The "I'm going to fix this, I really am, I'm going to stop drinking, I'm going to do _____whatever.

She is probably wanting to succeed on some level.

But after 6 detoxes she's still deep in it.

How you do force someone to stop procrastinating? You can't...so you have to work on yourself until you are truly ready to stand firm and force the situation.

I suppose it is weakness in us all when we aren't there yet. I'm weak on my own stuff, I'm weak on forcing others when it affects me. So we have to work on ourselves to gain strength and clarity. We aren't there yet if we're not there yet. Just like she's not there yet. Weakness is a word that makes me feel badly about myself. Ok, I will call it simply clarity, or greater understanding, of what I need.
First clarity and understanding before action.

Hammer

Weakness is a GREAT PLACE to start.

Do not want to stay there. But it is a Great Start.

That is what Step 1 is all about.

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol ~ that our lives had become unmanageable.

Woodman, you starting to figure why you are having a hard time?

Not following the Steps, right?

The game is not called Hopscotch.

JustAGirl1971

Lol.

Honestly, Woodman, I don't know if I would have been ready yet, either, had it not been for my situation. My ds15 moved out of the house to get away from his father and the dysfunction. His boundary is that he does not feel like he can live with his father if nothing changes. My boundary is that my MINOR son needs to be in my home. Since the things that needed to change to bring ds home were not happening and *I* was powerless to 'fix' them (AH's behaviors), I was out of options. Live with the son or live with father.

That's the hardest part for me. Our son was brave enough to stand up for himself/our family when I was not. He should never have been in the position to have to make that choice. I should have made the hard choices sooner. AH isn't the only parent that failed our children, I failed them.

AnvilheadII

Great thoughts, but YES, I have made everything perfectly clear as to my intentions. I specifically told her I am not giving up on our marriage

which is music to HER ears because it means she can continue to get away with ANYTHING and you will stand by her.

wanna ask you a direct question: what MARRIAGE?

do you realize that by holding on to a fantasy, you are putting that ahead of A) reality and B) the two most important people in this drama....YOU and YOUR SON. he's getting thrown under the Save the Marriage bus. he has to deal with this crap every stinkin' day, and he can't get away from it, he doesn't have a voice or get a vote. isn't it time to put HIM first? if there is anything that trumps the marital commitment it's the PARENTAL COMMITMENT.