julesnpurls

Hi everyone - this is my first post. I've been reading here for few weeks and getting alot out of it. I even attended two f2f meetings last week and am planning on continuing.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years and he is an alcoholic and occassional pot/coke user. I don't know how it took ten years for me to realize how sick I am/he is/we are. He doesn't drink every day and I guess I always thought an alcoholic is someone who drinks morning, noon and night (denial much?). He can go a week or two without drinking and then weeks where it seems he's drunk every night. He cannot have just one or two - if it's one it's twenty-four. He's nasty, irrational, verbally abusive, not to mention the havoc it's caused financially. He can NEVER be counted on to do the things he says - and I stopped expecting him to long ago. He always spins the situation to be my fault - or to make me think I am crazy. I rarely let myself start really thinking of the things that have happened in the past because it's all too much to face.

I found this site when looking for info on DUI law - he finally got his first one (a miracle since he often drives when he can't walk or form a sentence). We actually have to take out a home equity loan to pay for an attorney because all savings have gone to bail him out of other disasters . Enough about HIM - it's always about him.

Something about this latest crisis made me finally say to myself- (WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??? WHY did I let it get this far? WHY don't I care enough about myself and my daughter to stop playing this disgusting game?) - instead of wanting to know what's wrong with him. I can still remember the way I was once - independent, happy, witty, smart, fun-loving. And I know that girl is in here somewhere and I want her back before she disappears forever...

I need serious help...

Thanks for reading - maybe this is the first step in the right direction...

Alexia

Your story sounds so familiar. You are making a good step towards your own sanity. One foot in front of the other!

Lorelai

Girl -
Your last sentence could have come from my lips. I've told my H before that I wouldn't have put up with this crap when I was 16 - why in the world do I put up with it now? Somehow we get sucked in.

I'm glad you're here. You'll find a lot of strength and wisdom. It will get better.
L