Katchie

Last night I woke to no husband in bed at 3:00am. I could hear him fumbling around in the bathroom but I don't know how long he had been up. He comes back to bed and smells like toothpaste or something like it. After a while f him fidgeting and my fidgeting, I asked him why he smelled like toothpaste. He said it was a cough drop. It did have a menthol smell to it I guess, but he doesn't have a cough or stuffy nose. I'm suspecting he was trying to cover the smell of alcohol.
I will be moving forward on the meeting I have planned with a lawyer.

JustAGirl1971

I'm sorry, Katchie Last fall, when my AH stopped drinking, he was constantly eating breath mints... like excessively eating breath mints. I suspected that he was trying to mask the scent of alcohol. He swears he was not... I don't know, maybe he wasn't? But, that's the thing. Even if they really are just eating cough drops or breath mints, the trust is gone. How crazy is it that we can't even trust that they're just using cough drops and breath mints because they need them?!

I think continuing with your plans is wise. Making a plan does not mean you have to follow through on it. It just means you have options

FireSprite

I'm sorry Katchie, I agree it looks suspicious. RAH only ever used minty stuff when he was covering alcohol, but when he quit drinking he started eating a lot more sweets, candies, etc. all around & I've heard of others who prefer stuff like cough drops. (My aunt was all about her mint flavored life savers)

But at 3am, it would be hard to lean toward that theory. (((HUGS)))

Mango blast

Menthol cough drops (no alcohol, no flavored ones) were okay to have at rehab and the guys there were going through a lot of them. It was strange to have my husband calling me several times during family week to ask if I would buy some for him. The rehab office was out of them for a few days and the guys would share the ones their family members bought for them. Although some of it may have been the dry air there, mostly it was just a new habit that helped them get through.

I asked here and it seems a lot of different cravings/habits like this can be normal when quitting. Yes, my husband was popping them at 3am for a while. Not saying that was the case with your husband or not, just that I know what it's like to deal with the crazy stuff both ways -- when they're drinking and when they aren't. All we can do is take care of ourselves.

One step at a time for each of you. One of the common symptoms of the disease is thinking it's possible to recover without help from others. That goes for both the A and family members. It's good that you're both starting to reach out for help. Just keep working your own program.

Katchie

These are all things I've never wanted to think about, but my AH has the biggest doggone stash of breath mints, gum, etc. on his night stand and in his car I've ever seen and that doesn't even count his copenhagen, which back in college I remember him saying he used to cover the scent of alcohol. They are full of all kinds of tricks, its amazing.

Katiekate

my ex was addicted to hals cough drops.

hopeful4

Katchie I understand. Before bed the mouthwash was left out (alcohol free). I knew only my lazy husband would have left it on the counter. Of course, my first thought was that he must have been drinking. I also thought that the other day when he came out of the house eating a sweet tart...in reality I think my daughter just had some and he ate one.

It does not matter why we think that way, it comes down to the same reality. The trust is gone.

Hugs.

blake1989

I'm sorry Katchie. A little thing like this hurts a lot, I know. This is a topic I thought about. I don't pretend to know about the recovery, detox, and cravings that come out of that, but I saw some things like this..

My ex used to show up at my place and hug me and squeeze me, but she wouldn't kiss me for a few hours. For a long time I thought maybe she just doesn't like me that much. She would tell me it was because she didn't want her makeup to be smeared. Her purse was a cornucopia of gum, mints, tic tacs, and her favorite - those listerine dissolving squares. But sometimes she would reek and it would just be a mixture of minty fresh and alcohol coming off her.

As a side note, because I never really knew where I'd have an opportunity to say it, when she didn't drink for a day or two, she loved to get that drink kombucha. By her own explanation, it was because it has just a trace of alcohol in it from fermentation.

Hammer

While comparing notes . . . .


Last year before Rehab, mint gum -- several a day.

After she came back from Rehab, more mint gum. But now by the Mega-Pack load.

About like cigarette smokers who go to the Reservation to buy them by the carton(s).

Sometimes it goes to zero, other times, just about hourly.

MyBetterWorld

So tricky, aren't they?

As if we are so stupid and will believe them.

Why is it that A's think they are so much smarter than the rest of us?!

Turninganewleaf

I think some cough drops have alcohol in them.

spiderqueen

I was glad to see your post end this way, Katchie. You have made great strides in turning the focus on you - not easy for a mom with 4 kids, who probably puts everyone else first.

Whether AH does or not, YOU are grabbing for lifelines and support. Good for you!!

BoxinRotz

It's not because they think they are smarter... they are just willing to do anything and go to any lengths to protect their addiction to the alcohol. This is how hubby explained it to me. He said, I know you're not dumb! I'm sick and I'll do anything for it!

20/20 tells me I've bought several bags of cinnamon Jolly Ranchers in the last few months. I've used them to quit smoking and he used them to cover vodka breath! Lil shìthead!

honeypig

You know, my A was ALWAYS chewing this watermelon gum at work. His drink of choice is blackberry brandy, and this thread has me wondering if that was b/c he did in fact drink at work, altho he denies ever having done so...I do know that he always drank fruity beverages at home so that if I smelled anything sweet and/or fruity, he could claim it was his juice or soda.

It is so hard to get this kind of thinking out of your head! As others have said, the trust is gone. Don't know if it can/will return in time or not.