Compassion, take two
 

Two articles I read last night that touched my heart.

Russell Brand: my life without drugs | Culture | The Guardian

A Note About Philip Seymour Hoffman: Addiction Is Not Selfish. | The Electric Feast

I have mixed feelings about this. I do think addiction is selfish. Yes, it becomes a point to where the addiction has eaten you up. However, if there was guilt every time he put a needle in his arm, why not seek help. Especially someone with his resources. I am not an addict so I truly do not understand that mind set. I do believe it's an epidemic and is eating away at our society.

An addict still knows it is wrong to steal. An addict still knows it is wrong to lie. They still put their own well being in front of that of their family and kids. They still say no and find excuses when offered help. To me...that is selfish.

I don't mean to not be compassionate. I do see both sides of it. However I have personally watched an addict who is sitting at CR be offered inpatient help for however long they need it, and say no. I was blown away. They had an opportunity for help, to have all their needs taken care of inpatient and bills paid while they were there for however long it takes, no time limits...and still said no. This person had no job, nothing holding them back but drugs and a tortured set of parents. How is that not selfish?? They later ended up in jail a short time later. How very sad.

Oh I hear you, hopeful. I hear you. I think sitting on our side, having to deal with the fallout, compassion is damn hard to come by.

Russell Brand is truly brilliant.

You know, honestly, I can kind of understand how an addict can keep going back for that fix, despite the consequences, even when he wants to change. Right now, I'm not really feeling that much different. Change is scary and just plain hard. Even harder when you have this voice telling you to just have one drink. Especially when reality's kicking your ass.

For me, that voice is screaming "fix this, fix your marriage, DO NOT LET HIM LEAVE." No, I'm not listening to that voice. Divorce is the right option for me, the kids, and probably for him, too. But sometimes it's really hard to ignore that voice and embrace the change, kwim?

So, yeah, I can kind of understand how an alcoholic or an addict can choose their DOC over and over, no matter the consequences. Truth is, I've done that for years with AH.

I'm thinking compassion isn't something we arrive at over night. It's more of a continual, ongoing, never ending process. Some days, our hearts may overflow with compassion, other days it may be a struggle just to find a fraction of a drop. Idk, that's my take.

Thanks for the articles, lilamy.

EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY has THEIR OWN path.

Your Jail Bird MAY be exactly where he should be right now.

Whether or not that meets your, my, or anyone else's view of how things should be.

I sooooo wish I had not been involved in paying a thin dime for Mrs. Hammer's Rehab.

Not that she did not need Rehab. She did.

But her AA sponsor pretty much forced her into it, and I just wrote the checks from the budget we had put together to buy a house. And we spent everything. So she got Rehab and we are still renting.

This was the same Rehab and same treatment the Sponsor had went through some years earlier.

But by contrast, the Sponsor had to clean toilets and make beds in cheap motels in Florida for 6 months after to pay for said Rehab -- for herself.

Difference -- the Sponsor is now grateful and seems to be running a fairly straight program.

Mrs. Hammer however, is basically a dry drunk, ungrateful, compulsive liar.

If Jail was where this kid's path leads -- Everything is Right Where it Should Be.

Just saying -- Compulsive Do-Gooders (Like *us*) Do Not Really Do the Good we often Imagine.

I know someone who experienced a similar thing, except in this case, they actually dropped the person off at rehab... the person checked out and ended up back where she started... homeless. Her response was that it's what she knew... what she was comfortable with?

My sis's EXAH tried so hard to get sober. Not while they were together... I don't think he ever even tried while they were together. But, years later, after many attempts, he did get sober. Was actually even sober long enough that he got a job at the rehab facility that helped him and was doing well.... Until something happened & he picked the bottle up again. He died a short time later, as a direct result of his alcoholism. Was it selfish? Idk? I mean, I wasn't in his life at that time, but from what I understand, he really embraced and appreciated his sobriety and was working hard at it?

O I agree Hammer. I have said it before and truly mean it. I have watched several go through rehab over and over just to fail. If they actually have to spend enough time in jail (and don't get out early b/c of overcrowding, etc), than that is where they should be. Many of them have come out on the other side and that is where they truly recovered.

However what I really meant was the mindset. It is amazing that people who are literally handed a silver platter that could mean recovery for them that they will turn it down to continue to use.

One last thing...did you all read the comments? The very first one is from a user who says that until they had to face consequences they would not ever have stopped using.

I really enjoyed both of these! Thanks lillamy! I was one of those wtih no compassion.....till it hit home. :thanks