butterflyfree

My husband had been sober (again) for 35 days. The past week he had been asking me if he could get a beer. Now, he was hhospitalized (again) and the doctor told him he has heart issues and alcoholic hepatitis of the liver and can't drink anymore or he could die. So when he asks me if he could drink I tell him he needs to make his own decisions. If he's asking me if he can, im asking him not to. He held out for a week, pouting, kicking and screaming! Yesterday he gave in and I was the one who pouted! Im feeling so many things right now. Whiskey is his poison with an 8 pk on the side. He swears no whiskey but im no fool.
I know I have to do me and let him do him but I'm mad as hell! I have not yet mastered (not even close) showing every emotion every moment I feel it!

SoaringSpirits

When my friend was in a similar situation with her A husband, she calmly asked him if he would provide her with a list of the friends he wanted invited to his memorial service. And then she asked him what type of service he'd like, burial or cremation, etc. She was just so done with him destroying himself, it seemed the only thing proactive she could do was to prepare for his death.

blake1989

Hi butterfly. I'm writing because a few things resonated and I know those emotions you're talking about and trying to sort through. Obviously I'm no guru - just look at my own sad scenario.

The longest my girlfriend ever went in her life was 3 weeks. Starting at age 15 and now being 32.

After our first 'bad night' that shattered the fairytale and marriage hopes I thought I had been living, she suddenly quit drinking. She stopped for 2.5 weeks and it was a beautiful time. My best friend is a doctor, and did some rotations in addiction medicine. I told him how excited I was about her stopping and his response was 'that's not even medically meaningful. A month isn't even meaningful'.

Of course she asked me for permission to have a beer when we went out one night after that quitting time. Having already discovered SR I responded 'you make your own choice on that'. The 'just one beer' was 2 full bottles of sake at a sushi restaurant I'm no longer welcome at, 2 glasses of wine, and her running off to a bar up the street in tears for 2 vodka mixers of some sort. In tears because she didn't realize liquor stores aren't open late where I live.

I know you're sorting through what this does to you. And I am so sorry he is suffering physical effects.

marie1960

I was mad as hell many times also, butterfly.

I had to channel all that angry energy, use it to my advantage, and start taking better care of myself.

Sounds to me like the doctor was quite clear in communicating to your husband the extent of his medical problems, " if you continue to drink you could die" that's a very serious and clear message. Sadly, only he can decide if he wants to address his health issues.

He is an adult, he gets to choose.

You are an adult you get to choose.

I do not think I could take a front row seat, and sit back and watch someone drink themselves to death.

If he chooses to continue to abuse himself, I would have to get the hell out of his way.

the time has come, he gets to decide if he wants to live or if he wants to die.

I am so very sorry, that this horrible disease has brought you to this point.

Just know we are here and listening.

You have found a great place of support for yourself here at SR.

redatlanta

Stories like this are reminders of the power of this disease, the addiction wins over the will to live.

I understand the anger in this situation too much from dealing with a relapse with RAH who has chronic and acute pancreatitis and diabetes due to alcoholism. 10 years sober and he thought he could be a social drinker. NOT.

If you haven't been going to al-anon I strongly encourage you to do so. Detaching from this situation is in your best interest. You can't get mad enough to make him stop, there is nothing that will stop him but him.

Its not healthy on any level to watch someone die of alcoholism. Yes let him do his thing, and you do yours. Get yourself to a healthy place mentally and move forward with life.

Seren

Whelp, My stepson has been hospitalized 3 times now going through withdrawals, serious skin infections his body couldn't fight, he was diagnosed with jaundice, alcoholic hepatitis, and ascities (fluid in the abdominol cavity because of his drinking). He was told he had a 50/50 shot of making it through one of these hospital visits. The doctors told him if he drank again, he would die.

He drank again....he said that he thought the doctors were telling him that just to scare him. We haven't heard from him in a while. So, we wait and see.

There is no logic, the way we see logic, with an alcoholic. It's both a drinking and a thinking problem.

I know you are angry, believe me, it's a very natural feeling under the circumstances. I hope you can find ways to relieve that anger--it does not affect him except to provide him an excuse to drink more. I have kept journals in the past during stressful periods and write in big, bold angry letters using red pen....very cathartic! Come here and vent any time you need!!

butterflyfree

I appreciate any and all comments.
I have started reading books on alcoholism and al-anon and it is helping to understand some things but I haven't joined al-anon. Next step.
I know I need to get my head together and take care of myself and kids.
Im really glad I found SR. Ive been doing alot of reading on here and it helps.
I know its going to take time to find me and smile (and really mean it ) again. I used to be fun and outgoing and somewhere, somehow lost myself in this mess!

CodeJob

Bundle up and go see the eagles. Breathe in this cold winter we are suffering through and let it clear your mind.

Reading up, being here and trying Al Anon are all strong and positive steps.

If you aren't 100% knowledgeable about your family finances use tax time to find out everything. Passwords for online accounts, where everything is filed, run the household budget. Life insurance, health insurance, retirement, mortgage, etc.

Take these cold months to determine what you want to do. When it finally warms up and the butterflies and moths return, you will be ready.

The serenity prayer and the three C's are a balm to me. They help me break my ingrained old reaction initially.

Peace and resolve to you.