Is my mom an alcoholic?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2
Is my mom an alcoholic?
I just started noticing a few weeks ago that my mom has been drinking more. Before the holidays, she would drink a glass of wine every couple of days with dinner, as would my dad.
However, now she's drinking a greater amount and more frequently.
She's been telling me that she hates the weather here and she wants to move away, and she never wanted to come here in the first place. She's told me this before but she tells me at least once every other day now. She's also said that she doesn't know how anyone could be content with this weather and it's just all very depressing.
One time she apologized to me about how she had been drunk and slurring her speech the morning after, because she was sad that my sister had gone back to college after a break. This was in the fall, but I hadn't even noticed, so I don't know if this has been going on for a while.
A few days ago, my dad told me that if I missed the bus in the morning and needed Mom to drive, but she just didn't "seem right" that I shouldn't push it, and I should just not go to school. I asked him why and he said that she has been drinking a little bit more and he didn't want anyone to get hurt.
Now, tonight, I went downstairs to get my jacket and I noticed my mom sitting quite still staring off into space (the TV was on, though). She has good hearing, and I walked past quite loudly and she didn't seem to notice. I also opened the pantry (which squeaks) and she didn't seem to hear that either. Finally, she noticed me when I moved into her field of vision. She got up and seemed to be wobbling a bit and wasn't making very much sense. Also, her words were very slurred. I noticed that an empty bottle of wine was sitting on the counter, and it had been at least half (or 2/3ish) full when she poured her first glass (which I witnessed about three hours earlier).
I hope this made sense. I'm worried about my mom and I wanted to provide as much information as possible. I don't know if this is just a few isolated incidents, or if it's a seasonal thing, or if she really does have a problem.
Thank you for any help!
However, now she's drinking a greater amount and more frequently.
She's been telling me that she hates the weather here and she wants to move away, and she never wanted to come here in the first place. She's told me this before but she tells me at least once every other day now. She's also said that she doesn't know how anyone could be content with this weather and it's just all very depressing.
One time she apologized to me about how she had been drunk and slurring her speech the morning after, because she was sad that my sister had gone back to college after a break. This was in the fall, but I hadn't even noticed, so I don't know if this has been going on for a while.
A few days ago, my dad told me that if I missed the bus in the morning and needed Mom to drive, but she just didn't "seem right" that I shouldn't push it, and I should just not go to school. I asked him why and he said that she has been drinking a little bit more and he didn't want anyone to get hurt.
Now, tonight, I went downstairs to get my jacket and I noticed my mom sitting quite still staring off into space (the TV was on, though). She has good hearing, and I walked past quite loudly and she didn't seem to notice. I also opened the pantry (which squeaks) and she didn't seem to hear that either. Finally, she noticed me when I moved into her field of vision. She got up and seemed to be wobbling a bit and wasn't making very much sense. Also, her words were very slurred. I noticed that an empty bottle of wine was sitting on the counter, and it had been at least half (or 2/3ish) full when she poured her first glass (which I witnessed about three hours earlier).
I hope this made sense. I'm worried about my mom and I wanted to provide as much information as possible. I don't know if this is just a few isolated incidents, or if it's a seasonal thing, or if she really does have a problem.
Thank you for any help!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello daughter, Welcome to SR!
I don't think any of us can tell you whether or not your mother is an alcoholic, but it does sound like she is very depressed.
In many ways, your mother's situation sounds like my mother's situation in that she now lives with my father in a place where she never wanted to move, and the winters are particularly brutal. My mom does not much drink, though.
If you are able to have a conversation with her, you could talk to her about your concerns and encourage her to see her doctor.
I don't think any of us can tell you whether or not your mother is an alcoholic, but it does sound like she is very depressed.
In many ways, your mother's situation sounds like my mother's situation in that she now lives with my father in a place where she never wanted to move, and the winters are particularly brutal. My mom does not much drink, though.
If you are able to have a conversation with her, you could talk to her about your concerns and encourage her to see her doctor.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 92
Originally Posted by daughterworries 
A few days ago, my dad told me that if I missed the bus in the morning and needed Mom to drive, but she just didn't "seem right" that I shouldn't push it, and I should just not go to school. !
I think you need to find a time to talk to your dad alone or another trusted adult. You don't need to carry this burden alone. If something IS wrong, you might need help beyond what an online board can provide you.
No one can tell you for sure that your mom HAS a drinking problem from an online post, we might have suspicions or see a trend, but you need someone in your personal life that can help your mom if she wants it and help YOU to understand your role.
Do you have someone you can talk to?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2
Thank you guys! My mom apologized again this morning, and my dad said that she has an alcohol dependency when I told him about the situation. She said also that she knows she needs to stop/get help, so I am hopeful about our situation.
And yes, I have my dad and my two siblings (I don't think they know though) that I can talk to.
And yes, I have my dad and my two siblings (I don't think they know though) that I can talk to.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nottingham UK
Posts: 241
Hey worries, welcome to the forum. 24 years ago i was in your position i guess, so i'm glad you're taking steps to get help.
It sounds like you have a reasonable relationship with your father, and it's good that your mother at acknowledges that something abnormal, problematic and unacceptable happened. However, your father's words make it sound like this is a problem that's bubbled under the surface for some time, I also worry about you becoming isolated by your siblings moving out at such an important time in your life.
How close do other members of the family live, and how are relations with them? It's very important you work together and support each other in containing this problem, and not get into a blame game.
One issue i faced was that those relations became disrupted as time went on. In the end we were all orbiting the A but mutually mistrusting one another.
I think she used to call other family members while in an intoxicated, tearful state and blame her drinking/worrying on something a not-present family member was doing/not doing. This eventually set all the non-A members of the family at war with each other.
eg. Telling her second husband that her first husband was controlling and cheated on her. Second husband (whose own father left his mother for a younger woman) believes that if i am any kind of man i will stand by my mother and cut off my father. Because i don't, he regards me with contempt.
Telling her second husband that she drinks because she worries about me. Because I'm not doing well enough at school, don't have a girlfriend, am in a dead end job etc. >Second husband takes me to one side and tells me in no uncertain terms to buck my ideas up, look at what you are doing to your mother etc.
(note, she never tells me to my face that i should stop seeing my father, but she tries to recruit her husband to the task)
Telling me that i should stand up for myself when her second husband verbalises me (I don't take the bait)
Telling her side of the family that her second husband is verbally abusive to herself and me so they regard him with suspicion. (I try to play things down, without success).
Telling me that she's fallen out with her parents and siblings because they've been gossiping about her and criticising our lifestyle, and that we're no longer to have contact with them. Then finding her laughing along with them over the phone like they're best mates in the world when i come home from college early one day.
Alcoholics often do this, i met another that did the same. It's part of the disease, the denial, blame shifting and the damage done by statements blurted out while in a blackout. And the normies around the A desperately want to latch onto a reason for the illness and are all too keen to start blaming each other for it, instead of the disease.
Lastly, have you thought about what your plans are WRT living arrangements, in case things do get worse, or even if they don't? How many years of school do you have before moving out and going to college? How's the employment situation where you live, what's the rent like, could you move in with an elder sibling or do you have close friends who might move to a city and live in a house share with?
I guess you're already thinking of such things anyway, getting your own place is such an exiting prospect when you're stuck at school.
Wishing you the best!
It sounds like you have a reasonable relationship with your father, and it's good that your mother at acknowledges that something abnormal, problematic and unacceptable happened. However, your father's words make it sound like this is a problem that's bubbled under the surface for some time, I also worry about you becoming isolated by your siblings moving out at such an important time in your life.
How close do other members of the family live, and how are relations with them? It's very important you work together and support each other in containing this problem, and not get into a blame game.
One issue i faced was that those relations became disrupted as time went on. In the end we were all orbiting the A but mutually mistrusting one another.
I think she used to call other family members while in an intoxicated, tearful state and blame her drinking/worrying on something a not-present family member was doing/not doing. This eventually set all the non-A members of the family at war with each other.
eg. Telling her second husband that her first husband was controlling and cheated on her. Second husband (whose own father left his mother for a younger woman) believes that if i am any kind of man i will stand by my mother and cut off my father. Because i don't, he regards me with contempt.
Telling her second husband that she drinks because she worries about me. Because I'm not doing well enough at school, don't have a girlfriend, am in a dead end job etc. >Second husband takes me to one side and tells me in no uncertain terms to buck my ideas up, look at what you are doing to your mother etc.
(note, she never tells me to my face that i should stop seeing my father, but she tries to recruit her husband to the task)
Telling me that i should stand up for myself when her second husband verbalises me (I don't take the bait)
Telling her side of the family that her second husband is verbally abusive to herself and me so they regard him with suspicion. (I try to play things down, without success).
Telling me that she's fallen out with her parents and siblings because they've been gossiping about her and criticising our lifestyle, and that we're no longer to have contact with them. Then finding her laughing along with them over the phone like they're best mates in the world when i come home from college early one day.
Alcoholics often do this, i met another that did the same. It's part of the disease, the denial, blame shifting and the damage done by statements blurted out while in a blackout. And the normies around the A desperately want to latch onto a reason for the illness and are all too keen to start blaming each other for it, instead of the disease.
Lastly, have you thought about what your plans are WRT living arrangements, in case things do get worse, or even if they don't? How many years of school do you have before moving out and going to college? How's the employment situation where you live, what's the rent like, could you move in with an elder sibling or do you have close friends who might move to a city and live in a house share with?
I guess you're already thinking of such things anyway, getting your own place is such an exiting prospect when you're stuck at school.
Wishing you the best!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello and Welcome.
I am very sorry. I am glad you have a family you can talk to. I would encourage you to talk to your dad if you ever suspect she has been drinking and you need a ride. Sometimes a person with an alcohol problem cannot see that they have had enough to be impaired behind the wheel. Please keep yourself safe.
Does your mom take any medication for depression? I ask because many times those can be lethal when mixed with alcohol and also make the effect MUCH stronger than someone who just had a drink.
It sounds like she is very depressed. I encourage you to do things that you enjoy and to not become too immeshed into her behavior. This weather is a depressing time of year and if a person is prone to depression anyways it makes it even more so.
Hugs to you. Post anytime, we are here for you!
I am very sorry. I am glad you have a family you can talk to. I would encourage you to talk to your dad if you ever suspect she has been drinking and you need a ride. Sometimes a person with an alcohol problem cannot see that they have had enough to be impaired behind the wheel. Please keep yourself safe.
Does your mom take any medication for depression? I ask because many times those can be lethal when mixed with alcohol and also make the effect MUCH stronger than someone who just had a drink.
It sounds like she is very depressed. I encourage you to do things that you enjoy and to not become too immeshed into her behavior. This weather is a depressing time of year and if a person is prone to depression anyways it makes it even more so.
Hugs to you. Post anytime, we are here for you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Hi daughterworries,
Sorry to hear about your mum and your concern about her.
The things others are saying are all-too-familiar. Denial, blame, guilt and so on are extremely common.
I wouldn't worry too much about defining your mum as an alcoholic. That's just a word and it's a behaviour we're looking at.
It's worth knowing that alcohol is a depressant in itself. All the 'good times roll' stuff is a response to the input of other people/drinkers. The truth is cold and hard - drugs-wise, alcohol is a downer, not an upper, .
You're clearly an intelligent girl. I've found that posting on here, talking to an alcohol abuse counsellor and going to Al-Anon meetings help me to cope with my wife's problem. Even very good friends can let the truth slip out in the wrong place, whilst they can also become irritated by what seems to them a problem with a simple solution.
Remember, you need help too. Take care.
Sorry to hear about your mum and your concern about her.
The things others are saying are all-too-familiar. Denial, blame, guilt and so on are extremely common.
I wouldn't worry too much about defining your mum as an alcoholic. That's just a word and it's a behaviour we're looking at.
It's worth knowing that alcohol is a depressant in itself. All the 'good times roll' stuff is a response to the input of other people/drinkers. The truth is cold and hard - drugs-wise, alcohol is a downer, not an upper, .
You're clearly an intelligent girl. I've found that posting on here, talking to an alcohol abuse counsellor and going to Al-Anon meetings help me to cope with my wife's problem. Even very good friends can let the truth slip out in the wrong place, whilst they can also become irritated by what seems to them a problem with a simple solution.
Remember, you need help too. Take care.
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