Brave

Hi Blake, I'm pretty new here but I'm trying to start throwing my 2 cents in.

Right now, the name of her game is trying to get you to engage with her by any means possible. That means the name calling, begging and promises of sobriety, and this bullcrap about how you must not have had feelings for her at all. Blah blah quack.

She's throwing the proverbial **** (can we swear on here? lol) at the wall, to see if anything sticks. It doesn't mean she believes any of what she's saying. She just wants you to respond. She may ramp up the crazy for a while, but any contact from you will only redouble her efforts. Stay the course.

I give you major props. I am 32, married 5 years, and just separated. If I could go back in time... well anyway, no sense going down that road, but you get the picture. You're doing the right thing :-)

blake1989

Thanks Brave, and BlueSkies, marie, and everyone.

I tried to get away for the weekend but just ended up throwing up from hearing her voicemails.

I saw my therapist today, who agrees with you all. I played the voicemails and my therapist was shocked at the violent nature of them and how abusive they were. My therapist said I could respond and say it's over, but even that would set me back emotionally.

I have stayed in a hotel the past 3 of 5 days because my girlfriend had a key (locks now changed), and in the past she had waxed eloquently about how she is capable of murder, etc.

And on the way out of my session today I get another email:

I am So So So sorry. I never meant to intentionally hurt you. I literally can't breathe. I can't imagine my life without you. I can't imagine Ever feeling this way about anyone ever again. It was magic to have found you. You're everything I have ever wanted and more. I Love You with all my heart. God, I am Sorry. This is not getting any easier as the days pass. It just feels more real, like this isn't just a nightmare. Please forgive me. I love you so very much. We were magic. You are my heart. I hope that you are feeling better. I'm so sorry.

NWGRITS

Walks like a duck, talks like a duck. It's definitely not a horse.

HealingWillCome

Do not respond to that email. Unless you want to be sucked back in. Stay strong.

fluffyflea

Blake please hang on. You WILL make it but you have to stand strong.

Have you considered a restraining order?

Can you get a new phone number?

This isn't normal,you are breaking up with a psychopath.

Seren

You weren't magic together, blake....throwing up does not equal magic.

The person who wrote this and the person who threatened you are one in the same.

I hope today is a bit brighter!

blake1989

I'm hanging on, I am. I never thought I'd even have to consider a restraining order. She's the one who has had crazy guys she had to get those for long ago. Thank you for bringing clarity. I never looked at her as a psychopath. I can change my number, a minor inconvenience. The email that got to me the most is the one asking for an explanation, because I was trying to give her one when I called her but she hung up. It is very hard to see why she doesn't deserve one, but as you and my therapist say, this is someone who abused you emotionally and physically. This is just so hard not to answer.

'I just don't understand. Will you please help me to understand. If we love each other how can you just throw it away so easily. I know I said some things I didn't mean and I cut you off when you were trying to tell me but I just immediately went into defense mode. I was trying to protect my feelings. Will you please help me to understand. Please explain. I am literally heartbroken.'

hopeful4

Blake...as I said before....DELETE!!!!

She has used anger, threats, now being all sweet and saying ANYTHING AT ALL to get her way. It would just go back to the same crap all over again.

You don't need her or her abuse.

Be Strong.

readerbaby71

Blake, you can block her email address or have it automatically sent to your spam or another folder. It's probably best if you stop reading her emails or listening to her messages. Don't even look. Delete. I know it's hard, but it gets easier and you are going to feel so much better if you put an end to this madness. You don't owe her any more explanations. She hit you, she knows it and that's all she needs to know.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Much LOVE to you! xoxoxo

suki44883

The longer you read her crap, the longer you are going to be upset. You know what to do.

Hammer

But still -- with THIS much horsesh1t there HAS to a Pony in here, somewhere.

Hammer

Are you so SURE about that?

Who told you that story?

Did you see or read the original court documents for YOURSELF?

You follow what I am saying?

The story is only the story that it is until they change it again.

MrsSlk

Blake....you have no idea how this post has helped me. A mere thank you doesn't suffice. I have been awake for 25 hours straight bouncing around what to do. I have read your post over and over....I am so sorry you are going through this, so very sorry. But you needed your life back...as do I. Thank you again .

blake1989

MrsSlk, I'm so sorry there is anything here for you to relate to, but I'm glad the great people here have helped you. I guess it's like my first post ever, when someone said I'm sorry you had to find us, but glad you did. If it were not for everyone here who has helped me through this ordeal that is not totally over, I'm certain I'd be doing much worse than I am. Wishing you and me both strength here.

blake1989

No I never saw them. I see your point of course. She said she broke up with some guy and he came to her work all the time, and she had to print out hundreds of pages of emails and get the restraining order.

I know that her first arrest was for pushing her mom down the stairs, and another for kicking a female police officer. All along I said 'but that was a long time ago'.

suki44883

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wtf????

Hammer

Among things I HAVE Discovered this last year . . . Mrs. Hammer's dad DID NOT molest her . . . . and a WHOLE Lotta Drama that never was.

You follow REAL HARD?

Borderline = High Drama Liar. They just do it Covert -- Instead of Overt, like a Narcissist.

Run this though your mind -- At least half the sh1t you have been told that "happened" in prior Drama Tragedy was sh1t that SHE did.

blake1989

My mind is kind of blown, Hammer. I never ran that through my head as a possibility. My ex was also molested. She told me these events, and I cried for her about for days after. I cried at Al Anon and my therapist about it. She said her cousin molested her for years. She tried to get a gun to kill him at a funeral he was attending, but a relative convinced her it wasn't worth it. He dropped dead from natural causes 2 weeks later. She claims she willed it with God's help.

FireSprite

Blake, go back over your "story"..... and in your mind, reverse the genders. Pretend "you" are the female & "she" is an abusive man.

With the gender roles in place like that, it reads like a no-brainer, right? Who in their right mind would advise a woman to stay with a man who physically, verbally & emotionally abuses her & has addiction & possible mental disorders on top of it? Who would suggest that she owes him ANY kind of explanation or apology for choosing to put an end to the abuse & leave the relationship?

Advocates for "her" would be helping her move in the middle of the night, helping her hide emergency funds, helping her find shelter & safety if that were a concern.

It is no different for you; abuse is abuse is abuse & you are entitled to create hard boundaries (like no contact) to protect yourself.

Brave

Stay strong. The e-mail begging for an explanation....she doesn't need an explanation. She knows why you broke up with her. She wants to engage you. If you e-mail back to explain your position, she can manipulate, argue, beg, plead, and draw you right back in. Hang in there. Changing your e-mail, phone #, etc is probably a great idea.