OT-Not feeling so radiant today
 

I worked hard at my marriage, did everything I could to put family first.
I use to think the only way out of this marriage was my death from stress and anxiety.
I separated with AH and told him to leave and now I'm the one suffering it feels. I realized my unemployment ends in 2 months , the house is in my name and of course my vehicle. I am really emotionally drained today. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid. I wanted to have a job before we separated. I wanted all my ducks in a row. But something in me snapped, I couldn't take anymore and I told him to go. We have had no contact since he left .
My AH drinks does drugs lives a bachelors life and all his money is to himself. We have no kids and banks and finances are separated.
Why does he have a job and yet I can't get one. He's partying it up and i'm trying to survive.
I have been trying everything to find a new job. I have attended training, apply left and right even to super low paying jobs. My experience is in accounting and software and I'm applying at Target and Wal-Mart and getting rejected. I just want to work even if it's a low paying job. I feel so worthless. I try to do everything by the book and get annoyed how I am scared to be late by 1 minute to work im always 15 minutes early. I just needed to vent.
I'm sorry if I posted this in the wrong section I can't do anything right.

Radiant..I still think you look Radiant today!

You are feeling down, that is normal. What you cannot do is change the future. You have to just do what you can today, in this moment. Keep up the hard work. No matter the cost it is worth being away from addiction.

Let Go and Let God is what I say, and although I have to be reminded of this at times, it really is so true. We have to do the best we can and know that is enough.

Be kind to yourself. Alot can happen in a couple of months. Be proud of what you have accomplished. I will say that anyone who has had the strength to remove themselves from an addictive situation is truly an inspiration to me!

God Bless!

Thank you. I tell my self several times a day it will get better and go through a list in my head of what I am thankful for. My health, my sanity (sometimes lol)
I pray all the time and through all my burdens on God tell him he can have them all.
I even have AH dog he abandoned him too and I feel terrible bc everyday he is waiting by the door waiting on him to come home. Arghhh.
Heck I would even take the job as the door greeter at a store.

Your right it is better than being with AH - But the thought of calling him has crossed my mind

I just heard on DR OZ that you should not eat sweets when you are stressed as it keeps you angry. I just ate ice cream arghhhhhh

Gosh I feel a bit like yourself today too.
What I read between the lines of your post was this:
You are no longer living the rollercoaster with an addict.
You are free from life with addiction.
He is heading down the line where you will definitely be headed up.
Try to focus on the small things that you can turn into a positive.
Take each day one day at a time.
There is no doubt in my mind that you will land a job, you will meet new people, make new friends & go on to live a healthy & happy life.
Hugs.

Have you tried a temp agency? An acquaintance has started her own business cleaning houses.

I will keep you in my prayer that something will show up job wise. You are living with one of my own fears moving forward with divorcing. It is scary but also exhilarating to make it all on your own.

There is no doubt in my mind that you will land a job
Maybe I will stand at the corner of a busy intersection with my dog ,sign and cup in hand and then my AH will drive by and donate to me.

Yes I have tried several temp agencies, I feel like im harassing them now since they are not responding to me.

I appreciate all prayers thank you very much :)

Psht. What does Dr. Oz know?! :)

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time finding a job. Have you considered contacting a recruiting firm that specializes in accountancy placement? They may be able to place you in a temp job since tax season is before us.

Sending you good luck!

Yes I did that several months ago and have been in contact but nothing yet.

I think i'm just pissy today. Staying in the house all day everyday is driving me nuts. I don't feel productive. I'm sorry

You know... it can feel like that. I had a job when I left AXH so I didn't have that to deal with.

But he was dating and I'd see pictures of him online in a tux with some skinny 20-something blonde at charity balls and I'd be sitting in a badly insulated apartment wondering which one of the kids was in most urgent need of winter shoes because one would have to wait till next month.

I think the PEACE was more tangible to me, maybe because the kids went from being in constant fistfights to quietly watching movies or drawing together. I think the kids helped.

I also wrote quotes from wise folks here on sticky notes and stuck them all over my fridge. Some of them were "It's not always going to feel like this. Just go about your business" and "Life will be beautiful again" and "the past is gone; I am free in this moment" and "right now: the house is safe. you are safe. the children are safe."

I'm one of those people who tends to worry. I want to flip to the end of the book to make sure it all ends well. It's a stressful way to live. And it's difficult to let go and let God.

Radiant, I wondered the same as Stung, how about small tax offices in your area? I managed a couple of small practices in my career and we often hired temporary help for the busiest months.... But I also found a way to hang on to those that showed they were a good fit for our firm. If you can get your foot in the door, even as a temp, it can open you up for more opportunities. Lots of luck and positive vibes for you tonight!

Radiant--are you living in a small town or a larger, more urban area?

dandylion

try the IRS? Seasonal & Part-Time: IRS Jobs for Part-Time and Temporary Employees

There's a great saying: don't compare your insides to someone else's outside.

Alcoholics create great facades, fortresses to hide their drinking from criticism. How could someone with a job/family/money/clean shirts/good grades/matching socks/a friendly dog/ POSSIBLY have a problem?

You hit your limit of nonsense, and acted. Good for you! His success or failure has nothing to do with what's right for YOU.
Sending prayers that you find a wonderful job and a bright future!

I'm in between but willing to drive. I have my name and resume in several temp agencies. I feel better today so back to the drawing board.