So what's going on in this section?
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Originally Posted by BlueFrancis 
Don't want to offend anyone but this section depresses me. My girlfriend visited this section looking for support on how to help me (a recovering alcoholic) and to maybe find some support and solidarity for herself- She was horrified. Her (also) non-alcoholic friends couldn't believe what they were reading.
People who refer to their partners as their "A", "AH", and even "STBXAH" or any degrading abbreviation shouldn't be in that relationship in my opinion. If it's got to that stage you're not helping them or yourselves.
If your husband had cancer would you refer to them as your "C" or "CH"? If you're relationship was on the rocks would you refer to them as your "STBXCH"?
Some of you guys (obviously not all) are really not helping yourselves.
Not trying to judge here. Just some input from 2 people from the opposite sides of the spectrum (my girlfriend is tee total, alcohol doesn't agree with her).
If one person swallows their pride and rethinks their situation and 100 people flame me for it, I'll have achieved something by making this post.
These abbreviations are dehumanizing and not helpful in any way to your relationships with alcoholics, whether you want to get out of the relationship or not. "S**t or get off the pot."
People who refer to their partners as their "A", "AH", and even "STBXAH" or any degrading abbreviation shouldn't be in that relationship in my opinion. If it's got to that stage you're not helping them or yourselves.
If your husband had cancer would you refer to them as your "C" or "CH"? If you're relationship was on the rocks would you refer to them as your "STBXCH"?
Some of you guys (obviously not all) are really not helping yourselves.
Not trying to judge here. Just some input from 2 people from the opposite sides of the spectrum (my girlfriend is tee total, alcohol doesn't agree with her).
If one person swallows their pride and rethinks their situation and 100 people flame me for it, I'll have achieved something by making this post.
These abbreviations are dehumanizing and not helpful in any way to your relationships with alcoholics, whether you want to get out of the relationship or not. "S**t or get off the pot."
-The acronyms we use here are really just a convenience for those of us who post here. If you don't like them, by all means don't use them.
-Please understand, this forum is not about helping our As, (only they can fix themselves, not us) it's about helping ourselves. It's a place to vent, encourage, and learn from others who've been in or are in our shoes. Are we helping ourselves here? You bet your a$$ we are. If you'd been following along with any of our stories you might see that. Don't judge or come to conclusions after being here such a short time because you really don't have a clue.
Originally Posted by BlueFrancis
whether you want to get out of the relationship or not. "S**t or get off the pot."
The last thing I'd like to discuss is manners. Would you walk into a new acquaintenance's home and tell them they've arranged their living room incorrectly and proceed to tell them what they could do better? No? That would be pretty rude. FYI, I think most of here are pretty content with the location of the sofa.
Wishing you and your girlfriend all the best in your recoveries.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nottingham UK
Posts: 241
Abbreviations dehumanising?
I find it less painful to use AM rather than Alcoholic Mother in full, because the latter really brings it close to home. I don't like being reminded of her problem and would rather use the abbreviation when i have to talk case history, concepts/strategys relating to the issue.
I think the OP also doesn't realise how deeply enmeshed in these people's lives visitors of this forum are - it's not as simple as "just walking away" when these abbreviations become the only accurate description of our partners/family.
If we avoid using labels on the As in our lives then there is a real danger of getting into the "minimising" game, and another decade of your life gone by with nothing resolved.
I find it less painful to use AM rather than Alcoholic Mother in full, because the latter really brings it close to home. I don't like being reminded of her problem and would rather use the abbreviation when i have to talk case history, concepts/strategys relating to the issue.
I think the OP also doesn't realise how deeply enmeshed in these people's lives visitors of this forum are - it's not as simple as "just walking away" when these abbreviations become the only accurate description of our partners/family.
If we avoid using labels on the As in our lives then there is a real danger of getting into the "minimising" game, and another decade of your life gone by with nothing resolved.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 182
One thing for sure...it riled us up
I for one am sitting here once again incredulous at how polite and non confrontational the wise people in this forum continue to be.
JMHO
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Originally Posted by dandylion
BlueFrancis----Geeesh! Talk about making mountains out of molehills! They are simply abbreviations for convenience in communication. You know--like saying USA instead of United States of America.Taking a slice from my own experience--when I find myself acting like Queen of The Forest---I have benefited by taking a personal inventory and just getting over myself.
sincerely,
dandylion
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Originally Posted by jessicajoe
The thing is Blueskies we all (BlueFrancis included) knew that's exactly what would happen.
I for one am sitting here once again incredulous at how polite and non confrontational the wise people in this forum continue to be.
JMHO
I for one am sitting here once again incredulous at how polite and non confrontational the wise people in this forum continue to be.
JMHO
I rarely to never believe they do it on purpose. Like Lucy and Charlie Brown and the football...I'm Charlie Brown over and over again.
This above is a comment on me...and how I feel like a deer in headlights with this realization once again. I don't change. I trust again and again. There has to be something good in that somewhere about me...never jaded? Or always a fool?
Maybe both.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 160
Blue Francis, I am sorry to hear our terminology is objectionable to you and yours, but please be assured it is not my intent to offend or horrify anyone. Please know the posters on this forum are well aware our A’s are much, much more than their alcoholism and recovery, and know too that this is exactly WHY may of us haven’t sh@t and got off the pot. (Just an aside: how would you feel, and how well would you fare, if all of your loved ones immediately and unilaterally got off your pot?) As other posters here have stated, the acronyms aren’t an insult, simply a convenient way to quickly and clearly communicate information. My husband knows what I post here, and is rather grateful I refer to him as AH instead of by name. (He further says he will be even happier when I begin calling him my RAH.) He is many things as well as A and my H: BE (blue-eyed), LH (left-handed), TL (trilingual), Mr., SSD, Esq., VFD, CEO (ret), IBS, OD, VR, USMC….. but none are particularly relevant to the conversations here in this forum, so I don’t use their abbreviations.
The friends and family who read and contribute to this forum are here to talk about the alcoholics in our lives and how we are going to manage their impact in a healthy and productive way. We will describe unpleasant things, and we will admit to unflattering emotions and responses, because we believe this is a safe and nonjudgmental place to process the painful, embarrassing, and difficult things we are experiencing. Let me emphasize that again: the stories and statements you find so objectionable to read about are THE ACTUAL EVENTS WE ARE ACTUALLY LIVING. Things are depressing not because we here are talking about them, but because they ARE depressing. It is not another’s use of an adjective that degrades a person, but his or her own actions. If you can’t bear the prospect of your being called an A if/when one of your loved ones posts here, then please stop acting like one.
I gently and respectfully suggest this is perhaps not the best place for your girlfriend to look for ways to help YOU. Your therapist/addiction counselor might be a better source for that, because those services are all about and for you. This forum is intended for the benefit of those around you. I hope your gf returns here or to a similar forum so she can learn how to help herself. When you achieve your sobriety, I hope she has processed her response to your alcoholism in a manner that leaves her happy and healthy enough to enjoy it with you.
The friends and family who read and contribute to this forum are here to talk about the alcoholics in our lives and how we are going to manage their impact in a healthy and productive way. We will describe unpleasant things, and we will admit to unflattering emotions and responses, because we believe this is a safe and nonjudgmental place to process the painful, embarrassing, and difficult things we are experiencing. Let me emphasize that again: the stories and statements you find so objectionable to read about are THE ACTUAL EVENTS WE ARE ACTUALLY LIVING. Things are depressing not because we here are talking about them, but because they ARE depressing. It is not another’s use of an adjective that degrades a person, but his or her own actions. If you can’t bear the prospect of your being called an A if/when one of your loved ones posts here, then please stop acting like one.
I gently and respectfully suggest this is perhaps not the best place for your girlfriend to look for ways to help YOU. Your therapist/addiction counselor might be a better source for that, because those services are all about and for you. This forum is intended for the benefit of those around you. I hope your gf returns here or to a similar forum so she can learn how to help herself. When you achieve your sobriety, I hope she has processed her response to your alcoholism in a manner that leaves her happy and healthy enough to enjoy it with you.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Sometimes people just want to troll.
And sometimes, RAs as well as As do whatever they can to cut the codie in their life off from the help they are trying to seek. Or discredit the source of help the codie is looking for. Because a codie in recovery is such a pain, you know? They get all uppity and start claiming the rights to their own feelings, ideas, beliefs, life, and sh*t...
And sometimes, RAs as well as As do whatever they can to cut the codie in their life off from the help they are trying to seek. Or discredit the source of help the codie is looking for. Because a codie in recovery is such a pain, you know? They get all uppity and start claiming the rights to their own feelings, ideas, beliefs, life, and sh*t...
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Around and About
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Quick response: hopeful4, you are the best! I always pay attention to your thoughtful commentary.
AG with SLL-SBWHP2.
(Acoholic Girlfriend with Supportive Loving Long-Suffering Boyfriend With Human Problems too.)
But you all already knew those acronyms, right?
AG with SLL-SBWHP2.
(Acoholic Girlfriend with Supportive Loving Long-Suffering Boyfriend With Human Problems too.)
But you all already knew those acronyms, right?
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
LOL...Thank You!
Originally Posted by Pamel
Quick response: hopeful4, you are the best! I always pay attention to your thoughtful commentary.
AG with SLL-SBWHP2.
(Acoholic Girlfriend with Supportive Loving Long-Suffering Boyfriend With Human Problems too.)
But you all already knew those acronyms, right?
AG with SLL-SBWHP2.
(Acoholic Girlfriend with Supportive Loving Long-Suffering Boyfriend With Human Problems too.)
But you all already knew those acronyms, right?
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