izzyrose05

He's secretly drinking again and turned into a monster once more. He is evil and hurtful.

I am a fool again. Angry at myself for believing in him yet again. Angry at him for the god damn denial he has chosen to live in.

I'm detaching alright..But not with love anymore. Now I'm detaching and turning my back.

I hope he chokes and drowns in it.

The End

Hammer

ROTFL!

I know you do not likely mean it funny -- but to me it is.

THAT is right about where I am at now, too, Sister!

Even though I have been around this Alanon stuff for a couple of years now, I am finally working the Step Stuff. A Whole Formal Step Study Program. Scheduled Classes, Assignments, Books, the Works. Graduate Alanon School.

Really I have just been Rose-Color-Glasses-ing my mind up till now. Suddenly becoming very real. And Boy-Howdee -- turns out I am one pissed off MF-er.

I AM SO READY TO BOOT THIS SELF-RIGHTEOUS-LYING-RELAPSED-DRY-DRUNK-SACK-OF-BULLSH1T-BUM aka Mrs. Hammer out the door, I am having to stay barefoot to not put on my boots and start to booting.

On the OTHER Hand. JUST Got a note. My New Steps Sponsor. Toughest ***** in the Line-up. Thanks God -- I needed that.

Hammer. Works. On. Hammer. ONLY.

Maybe you, too.

Of Course, for Radical Detachment -- when Love is not so easy -- there is always a Chain Saw.


Time for some Lollipop Chainsaw . . .

Carlotta

This is not unusual to think that way. I remember hovering over my passed out X after one of his (many) relapses and wondering whether I could get away smothering him with a pillow or if I could maybe turn him over so he would (hopefully) choke on his own drunken puke.
Thank Goodness, reason kicked back in and this is why I am posting this from the comfort of my home and not from a State penitentiary LOL
Seriously, anger is part of the process, acknowledge it and move on by taking positive actions for you.

Katchie

I just have to say..that chick wielding the chainsaw is my hero

HopefulinFLA

Carlotta I had the very same pillow smothering fantasy you described!

RAH came home around 2am beating on the front door and screaming at me to never lock him out again. Effing Ahole lost his keys. Ugh.

I think anger is what propels us to action. Can be a really great thing!

dandylion

HopefulinFla----Anger does it for me.....

dandylion

SoaringSpirits

You go, girl!!!!

sugarbear1

it's delusional thinking, not denial....

which kinda makes it all so weird

Seren

Hello izzyrose! I think your anger is completely understandable!

I'm sorry to hear he has relapsed....and doesn't seem to feel the need to get sober again. How are you this morning?

izzyrose05

Actually, my anger is motivating. Its not the healthiest place to be in life but it keeps me going and it will save me from ever trying with that bastard again. Thanks all for your support. Much needed right now.

HopefulinFLA

Hope you have a better day Izzyrose05.

:dance3

Hammer

Lollipop Chainsaw.

All Men Want Her, All Women Want To Be Her.

Lollipop Chainsaw - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Hopeworks

For those contemplating the demise of their beloved A you may enjoy on of Alanon's favorite speaker who was in the process of drowning her A in the bathtub when the light came on... Mary Pearl is a very funny lady with a great story with the rare happy ending.

XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

Katchie

I dont even want to know how you know who/what that/she is..lol But I like her style

So lets see..I have used a chainsaw before..I like lolli's and sometimes feel like a sucker..dang it, Im not blonde.

Too much

bothsidesnow

The detachment was the end of me with my AFather. His words would bounce off me and his actions were just happening, I didn't care enough anymore. Feeling and emotions disappeared and that's not an easy thing to deal with.

Sending best wishes

lillamy

Stay pissed off, my friend.
Serenity is great (or so I've heard) but anger motivated me as it does you.
You go girl.

Carlotta

I will have to listen to her when I get off work. I never considered drowning my X because he would not bathe when he drank!!! Otherwise I m sure it would have been part of my homicidal fantasies.

hopeful4

Well, it is either laugh or cry right. I choose to laugh.

This one really got me. I remember not too long ago thinking this EXACT SAME THING. However, I too really like my warm home and do not want to go to the Pen either!

HopefulinFLA

If I didn't try to find some humor in it all I'd lose any chance at sanity!

TotallyOut

This sounds so familiar. My AB relapsed again and I feel the same way the anger and resentment toward him is terrible even though he checked into detox again. I still feel like I want to smother him.