Pia

I'm detaching alright..But not with love anymore. Now I'm detaching and turning my back.

The point is to detach period.

izzyrose05

I wonder now if any of it was ever real. I poured myself into that *******. I am filled with rage. It was all a meaningless. He never saw me. He never heard me. He never felt me. He never cared and he never deserved my love.

I look forward to the day my anger is replaced with apathy.

Thanks again for the support. And Hammer...your chainsaw girl is now on my Facebook page. I AM HER!

spiderqueen

I was angry, too, in the beginning. Before I realized that my A's affliction, and the accompanying lies, and other crappy behavior, had nothing to do with me. I was still thinking I could control and maybe cure - so of course I was pi$$ed when I was wrong about that, over and over.

For me, anger wasn't so much a motivator as a shield. When it dropped, I could finally face reality. Accepting that I had no role in his addiction kind of snuffed out the anger. I backed further and further away, until there was only... me. Ultimately, detaching led to Letting Go.

Carlotta

Here is a link to a post by Ceres from the book "Codependent No More" talking about the 5 steps of grief with the last one being acceptance (aka detachment aka it is what it is). I hope it will help you IzzyRose05
If you have not read the book yet, I highly recommend it. You can get it used for a couple of bucks on line or at your local Goodwill
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...cceptance.html

Carlotta

With all the homicidal codies on this thread, it's a good thing that Hammer's 'Alagrannies" are not here or they would be calling the

izzyrose05

I'm a homicidal Codie. Hahahahaaaa. I LOVE IT!! Thank you. I needed that! OMG!

JustAGirl1971

Thanks, Carlotta. Only problem is it has that #@(%*#! word acceptance again! I hate, hate, HATE the word acceptance!

I think I'm stuck between the depression and acceptance stage? Surely I will not stay here forever? I think I preferred the ANGRY stage Homicidal codie stage I can handle, depressed codie stage, not so much.

To Izzyrose, THANK YOU for this thread. The humor has been a breath of fresh air.

Carlotta

Well this one is dedicated to all the Homicidal Codies past and present on this thread
Cell Block Tango - YouTube

mattmathews

I never thought about killing my AW. But if she was late getting home I'd wonder if she'd been in a wreck, and whether I could act sad long enough to get through the funeral.
She's in recovery, I'm in recovery and in retrospect, I may have been a little insane.

HopefulinFLA

Temporary insanity derived from reaching one's maximum tolerance for BS.

lillamy

Oh Matt, I did more than that. I was daydreaming about all the weight I would lose after AXH had an accident and died. And I would be that almost gaunt but gorgeous skinny widow stylishly crying under the veil as I graciously accepted the condolences of everyone.

A friend of mine commented once that she didn't understand why people kill their spouses when you can just simply divorce them. I told her she didn't get it because she had never been married to an addict. After my divorce, she shook her head, looked at me and said "well we're sure as hell not doing THAT again. Next time, it's my truck, a shovel, and a tarp."

Anger and homicidal thoughts and daydreams are of course totally unacceptable. And insane. But when they fire you up enough that you can get through the never-ending lawyer meetings and sleepless nights and make you move forward, as long as you're aware they're just thoughts and daydreams, you're at least not beyond help in your insanity.

lizatola

amen!!!

PippiLngstockng

Count me in. Only, I really don't want his icky blood on my hands.

I see him as a speeding train heading towards a colossal brick wall. I wish he'd get it over with so we can all get on with things.

That sounds awful. But he seems to define his choices as a). Make life h**l for Pippi and the kids, or b). Crash

Faced with a) or b)? I choose a).

PippiLngstockng

Stupid phone! b). Gosh darn it! Crash already!

mattmathews

I really liked this.

The Serenity Prayer talks about "wisdom," and my definition of wisdom is it's what happens when we start stripping away the blinders and filters that we're wearing and we finally begin to see reality. Clarity.
Starting to recognize that other peoples behavior is "not about me," was a moment of clarity for me. Actually it was huge. Detachment flowed from that realization. So did acceptance. And compassion.
Pretty amazing stuff.

HopefulinFLA

Lillamy you're so funny. This sounds like a Lifetime Original Movie. And you're the glamorous star!

choublak

I still don't get the point of detachment.

PippiLngstockng

I like it better here when we get a little uppity.

BoxinRotz

That about sums it up for all you Homicidal Codies!

My husband has a thick skull and I may not have mentioned the cast iron skillet. Yeah, I bought one. He asked me, Why do you need a cast iron skillet? I told him they are great to cook with and if you EVER give me hell like the hell you gave me this past summer, I will have your face imprinted on the back side of it! It sits in my oven with a thin layer of oil so it doesn't rust. He thinks I can't swing it because it's heavy. Honey... I drag deer out of the woods for fun!