PippiLngstockng

He is sleeping on couch at the moment.

His friends called us from a party. He was throwing up so much. He couldn't talk. They said a bunch of lies. He only had two beers. I told them to call an ambulance.

Their Dad drove him home. Got him up the 3 flights of stairs after he was vomiting and crouched on ground outside. He couldn't walk straight or look straight at me.

Upstairs puking on bathroom floor, he told me he'd had Jack Daniels and 4 shots of vodka. He was coherent. He told me he'd drunk everything very fast. It was only 11:30pm when the kids called us.

I called an ambulance and 3 nice men came and checked him thoroughly.

I don't know what else to do. I told the kids to learn from this. DD13 was here throughout. The younger two are sleeping at a friends'.

Is he going to learn? Or is this the beginning of a long road? I want to put an end to this now. I am not angry right now. Just loving my children and actually worried.

Shouldn't I be angry with him?

Do I tell stupid xah, who texted DS16 today and we both thought seemed pretty happy drunk?

suki44883

I'm so sorry this happened. He's 16 years old and it's not that unusual for teenagers to try drinking. However, after everything you have all been going through, I can see how it would cause you to question it.

I don't really have any advice to give you, but please know that we care about you and your children. Hopefully, this is just a stupid stunt and the way he's feeling and will feel in the morning will be enough to make him decide that drinking isn't such a great thing. (((HUGS)))

silentrun

The beginning of my wake up call that I had to quit myself was the night my 16 year old daughter got caught drunk by the police. It's true that kids get into trouble and do stupid things. We just made it clear that that was not OK and scaled back her freedom and it has been an incident free year since. Keep an eye on it. Because she got caught by authorities they suggested an assessment and they determined her to be "not there yet." Not saying you need to go that far if this is the only time he has done this but if you get concerned later it is an option.

LadyinBC

Teenage binge drinking is apparently quite the trend. I would do some research on this with your son and other children so that you can research this together and learn about it together. It is not uncommon, but can be dangerous.

I say bring this issue out in the open and get your kids involved in it. It is information that they should have and need to have. Getting angry is pointless. Knowledge is power and gives them more choices and tools. Just my honest opinion.

Having an alcoholic for a parent or being raised in this environment does up someone's chances of being one themselves.

Leana

While it may be the trend with an XAH (who is I assume his father?) I would worry. But then again, I worry about everything.

ShootingStar1

I would think, if I were you, that it was time for a serious discussion with your DS 16 as if he were an adult to educate him about alcoholism and the increased risk for him as the child of an alcoholic. I'd treat him as if he were an adult and had to weigh his own risks and his own future. Because, in the end, he will choose for himself.

And I would apply some pretty severe consequences - take away some real privilege that will hurt for a bit. And make sure he knows that the consequences will be real, swift, and painful if he does this again. Because he is still a child, and he needs real boundaries.

ShootingStar1

Kat60

Oh dear Pippi, I hate that this happened, and I remember so clearly my own son going through this!!!

I agree with ShootingStar1's advice and that in a nutshell is what I did too...

I didn't get "mad" either. I was mortified and filled with fear and dread, but that was mine to own and not his...

I told him then (and many more times after that when he made bad choices) that he had made an adult decision and now these are the consequences....

Then I educated him and set boundaries for me and house rules for him. And then I had to follow through (which sometimes I didn't do too well at either, but that's another post! Lol) then the rest was up to him...

Now 14 years later he is a healthy adult man with a lovely fiancé and a masters degree.

But it was hell for me watching him get there!

Ahhh, teenagers!
You'll be fine and he will too.
Stay diligent and set those house rules!

Thinking of you!
Kat

lillamy

My oldest figured out after getting drunk twice that a) he didn't like it and b) he was terrified of becoming like his father.

He's become as anti-alcohol and drugs as people who quit smoking tend to be about smoking...

I think it's not surprising that they want to figure out what the big deal is with this drug... but I understand all the worry you must be feeling. Mine was away at school so I didn't see it.

I would just give him a chance to chat about it.

wolfpackfan45

Please be open and very honest with him. Sit down and discuss alcoholism and the dangers involved. Talk with him about how easy it is to cross that line into an addiction. We never had any trouble with our son when he was a teen, so we never talked with him about how easy it is to become an alcoholic. He went off to college and joined a fraternity. I knew he was drinking, but didn't know the extent of it. He's a recovering alcoholic now at age 22. It never entered our minds that this would happen as we have no history in our family and we're not big drinkers. Your son is so young. Warn him and keep your eyes open to problems.

honeypig

Pippi, I'm sorry that happened. It's scary, I agree. My brother's daughter got so drunk at Summerfest this past summer that she was taken to the ER. I would have labeled it an isolated incident of teen experimentation too except that she had several similar drinking episodes AFTER this (not as as severe). She is off to school now and I do worry. Brother kind of blew it off, sister-in-law (they are divorced now) is concerned (alcoholic father) but feels helpless.

I understand your concerns and wish you wisdom in dealing with this!

Seren

Pippi, I'm so very sorry to hear about this and understand if you are upset. I would imagine your son has not been feeling all that well today, either. I have no advice, but wanted to send you prayers and hugs of support.

soberhawk

You can buy alcohol as 16 years old legally here, and we do have a rotten alcohol culture.

It is unhealthy at many levels especially as a teenagers.

But they should also understand it can be dangerous when they drink it fast and the combination of alcohol and cold can easily be lethal.

I would praise any kid that contacted me in this situation (I have tried it once with my youngest years ago) it is good that they did call for help when they got worried.

Rosiepetal

I agree with Shootingstar too.
A good stern talking too with facts would be a good start.
Hard not to worry about our kids but they do need to face consequences to learn.
Hugs.

PippiLngstockng

First, thank you as ever for your prayers and perspective.

DS16 and I have talked a lot about alcoholism since the lightbulb went off 18 months ago and I finally understood what I was dealing with with xah and his family.

DS16 has a philosophical bent. We kind of enjoy hanging out and analzing his Dad and everything else.

But I have never seen him drunk before.

We talked lots and lots yesterday, and I took your advice. No going out on weekend nights for six weeks and he has to come home straight after school until I figure out more what he has been up to.

What I really really don't like is the lying.

That night he told me: 'i only had two beers'.

And,' I think I had a stomach bug'.

Ach. Don't lie to me!!! I talked subsequently lots about how alcoholism is about lying - to yourself as well as others. And I told him to not minimize or attempt to forget what happened.

He was really horrified by others seeing him in that state, and by how he vomited on the subway. Good.

More talking warranted today.

I love him so so much. He is so bright and charming and handsome and sweet. I have to be careful not to overlook his bad behaviors, though.

I always worried my boy was going to be prone to substance abuse. He, like both his parents, likes strong experiences. He needs sports every day.

And yes, our part of Europe certainly has a strong drinking culture. But DS16's friends are lovely kids. I did thank them many times for helping my boy. They were so scared. May they all be wiser now.

Liberator4EVA

The lying worries me more than the drunkeness.

In the UK, your first drinking experience with peers, unsupervised by parents is a rite of passage and often your acceptance within the social group depends upon it. And i don't know anyone who's first unsupervised drinking experience didn't result in them getting ill. I still remember that house party, aged 16 in 1989, where my mates started projectile vomiting and one of the girls went into an irrational panic state and wouldn't stop sobbing.

Its an experience that teaches most of us when to stop. For my part, getting ill made the substance itself something that was not pleasurable in and of its own. However, as a shy, uptight and isolated only child parties like that were an amazing experience, only possible if i got as roaring drunk as everyone else.

I didn't minimise my drinking, if anything i exaggerated it, because at the time being able to "hold your drink" was seen as a sign of manliness and maturity (things i was insecure about anyway). Maybe times have changed since then.

I also didn't get to repeat the experience for another two years, because my parents moved to the other end of the country a week or two later, and my nascent social life came to a shuddering halt.

It's also true to say I was not under any pressure to abstain, so i had no reason to lie. AM obviously had no interest in telling me not to drink, step dad was heavily preoccupied with her habits but if anything thought that a lad of my age should have been out on the lash more often, as fits with the macho drinking culture. That i didn't have many friends and failed to do so was a disappointment to him.

I guess also that at that point my mum's drink problem wasn't fully apparent to me. They were always arguing (often about her drinking) but i didn't see her intoxicated every day yet and she held a job down. I'd have put marital disharmony down as the number one problem at home and alcohol two, at that point. I still believed her protestations that she was not an A.

Anyway, that's my recollections of being a teenager in the UK, though times have changed and my situation differed from the one your son faces!

Liberator4EVA

The house move coincided with a step change in her habit, and i began to realise it was a serious problem. It certainly put me off drinking with family members (special occasions and glasses of wine with meal which were kind of compulsory in that house) , because that setting just reminded me of how it was tearing the family apart and made me hate the stuff. However, the four or five binge drinking experiences i had away from family members and the home environment were somehow a totally separate thing to me.

Of course had my mother announced she had a drink problem and was trying to get clean or was working a program I would have skipped those too in the hope of getting my mother back. But as she always vehemently (and sometimes violently) denied having a drink problem I don't see what difference it would have made.

When i finally left home to go to university of course the "binge drinking with peers" increased in frequency. Perhaps three times a week in the first semester. It was simply the student culture of the time. I regarded it as a necessary chore, and fortunately found a group of friends that didn't indulge so often. However when they did, i again saw it as a different thing to my mother's. My friends could drink a lot yes, but only to have fun. And they didn't become angry or tearful under the influence, they were just having a good time. Perhaps my mum was right after all - Alcoholism wasn't really her problem. Perhaps it's just masking a mental health issue.

Fast forward 15 years, and my heavier drinking university mates are now displaying similar behaviours to AM.

A few years ago, whilst living with an active A and going through a particularly rough time at work (and life in general) I developed an "if you can't beat em, join 'em" attitude. I started drinking through a four pack after getting home from work to "chill out". That scared me, it only lasted a year or so, but proved a hard habit to break.
I think it's the nightly consumption, plus the fact that you're not drinking enough to become ill, which flipped the switch from making it an unpleasant to pleasant activity. Though i think the "pleasure" that is experienced is actually just a cessation of the withdrawl symptoms that build up during the day - i had my first bottle of beer in five years recently, and all it produced was headache , tiredness and confusion.

sugarbear1

alcohol poisoning can shut down the organs.

time for some education