Carlotta

Before I discovered Al-Anon I often used other people's problems as an excuse to avoid my obligations. I loved the drama of another's crisis and talked about it at every opportunity. My own life seemed increasingly trivial, and my problems felt silly.
It was therefore very difficult for me to focus on myself when I came to Al-Anon. I wanted to talk about the alcoholic when I came to meetings, but no on seemed interested. They all kept asking about me - how I felt, what I did, what I wanted.
I found that I was overly interested in others because I had such a low opinion of myself. My sponsor helped me to see that when I acted as if someone else's life was more important than mine, I was harming myself. This had to stop if I wanted to learn to value my own experience. Focusing on myself was the beginning of building self-esteem. It took practice, but with the support I got in meetings, I grew more comfortable. I learned to talk about myself and to view my feelings, achievements, and concerns as valid and important.

Today's Reminder

Today, if I'm tempted to gossip or to create a drama around someone else's life, I will ask myself, "What is going on with me?"

"We talk about the part we played in our problems and how we change our attitudes and actions by applying the Al-Anon program to our lives."

readerbaby71

Thanks, Carlotta. This made me think of the first alanon meeting I attended. It was all older women, and there was a speaker who told her story of being married to two alcoholics and growing up being constantly criticized. She overcame many obstacles and went on to run her own successful business and have a happy marriage with a non-addict.

It's interesting because at the next alanon meeting (much more mixed, genderwise) I went to I was talking with a woman about the first meeting and she said with disdain, "oh, was it one of those where all they do is talk about their abusive alcoholic husbands?" I didn't see it that way at all. No matter who the alcoholic in our lives may be, (mom, dad, sister, husband, wife, friend, self), no one's experience is less valid than any other. Who am I to judge what's going on in someone else's life or what they choose to talk about? The speaker at the first meeting didn't ramble on about her A husbands, she told HER story and how toxic relationships affected her self-esteem and how she overcame many hurdles that held her back. It just bugged me that this woman considered her sharing more "feminist". Can you say issues galore?

Sorry for rambling, but it just made me think of how it's easy to judge and criticize others to avoid looking at ourselves.

honeypig

Carlotta, just wanted to say thanks for posting these every day. I appreciate it!

Carlotta

It actually helps me otherwise I tend to be all over the place and I forget to take time for my daily reading. I figured out that if I made that little commitment to post, I would have to do it lol