Courage To Change 01/22/2014
 

I tried so hard to learn detachment. Living with active alcoholism was confusing, and the idea of detachment seemed vague. The alcoholic in my life was a restless sleeper who fell out of bed almost every night. Feeling it my duty, I would always help him back into bed. One night, after attending Al-Anon meetings for a while, I stepped over his body and got into bed, leaving him on the floor. Triumphantly, I went to my next Al-Anon meeting and told them, "I finally learned detachment!" "Well, "they said, "that's not exactly what we meant. We meant detachment with love."
I left that meeting with a new understanding that I put into practice the very next time my loved one fell out of bed. When I found him on the floor, I still didn't help him into bed. But I did put a blanket over him before stepping over his body and going to bed myself. This, to me, was detachment with love.

Today's Reminder

With my Higher Power's help, I will keep a loving blanket of detachment with me. I will cover my loved ones with it, whether or not they struggle with a disease, keeping in mind that when I am dealing with other human beings, I am dealing with children of God.

"Detachment is not isolation, nor should it remain focused on not enabling the sick behavior of the past. Detachment is not a wall; it is a bridge across which the Al-Anon may begin a new approach to life and relationships generally."

That's one reading which stuck with me over the years for some reason. I used to do exactly the same thing with my XABF (step over him and he was lucky I did not stomp his head or his privates) after that reading, I always made sure I put a blanket over him.
I have found my best friend passed out many times over the years and I always make sure I put a blanket on him before leaving. One time we were both at a 4th of July barbeque in the park and he passed out. I really felt it was not my job to carry him to his house so I just took his wallet and his backpack, left a bus ticket in his pocket so he had a way to go home and would not get robbed then proceeded home myself.

In my opinion, detachment with love is one of the hardest concepts to understand and implement. It's sometimes so much easier to get angry, build a wall, and declare myself the winner. But I want healthy relationships in my life, so I'm always reminding myself to look at my own behaviour and ask if there was a gentler, and perhaps humane, way I could have done things.