readerbaby71

My BF cut his hand very, very badly last year. At the time we weren't living together and he didn't show it to me until the following afternoon, when I took him to the ER. He said that he was doing dishes and that a plate broke and he cut his hand on it. It was a deep gash between the webbing of two fingers about halfway down his palm. Ugly. When he showed it to me it was open like a V and I could see the layers of fat and muscle underneath his skin. They were able to stitch it but it took months to heal.

Today I read something he wrote on a worksheet while in rehab, stuff about things he didn't remember when blacked out. One of them said, "I woke up with blood all over the walls and my hand cut very badly".

I remember asking him over and over again why he didn't call me when it happened. Why he waited until the following afternoon to show it to me. Now I know. I had no idea. I don't even remember having a fleeting thought that he might have been drinking when this happened, but it was before I knew the extent of his problem.

I don't really know why I'm posting this. Just getting it out. I know I shouldn't have read it, but it was sitting out on the kitchen table and it caught my eye. I know it was wrong but I read it.

I don't want to talk to him about it. Maybe he'll share the truth with me someday. It doesn't really matter at this point. I am glad he got help and is getting better, but it's a good reminder to be aware of the fact that he has never been completely honest with me, especially when drinking. I shouldn't get too comfortable too fast. Although we're both doing well this road is a long one.

Hammer

Hard to sort crazy out, isn't it?

That was likely why you posted it.

All the Best to your mind and heart.

=======

As far as reading. Ran across (ok, went looking) for a drawing Mrs. Hammer did.

Had all the rest of us on one side of a Mountain. She was all alone on the other side.

On the Mountain separating us was written "All The Lies I Have Told."

See, they know. They just cannot face or find the way out.

iamthird

My separated AH said I would hate him if I ever knew all the lies he told me. He said he told me so many, he could not remember them all. Oddly, I think thats one of the most genuine things he has told me in the past year!

I know it hurts replaying, wondering when they were lying, etc..we cannot make sense of it. We do not think the same way they do. I am glad you posted it here...great place to vent it out. We understand.

readerbaby71

Ugh, feeling annoyed and on edge today for a variety of reasons. Trying to breathe through the anxiety and anger.

BoxinRotz

This life I lived with my husband was a lie. Most of it spun and told by him. The only truth I found is that he was a liar. How romantic. He portrayed himself so well in the beginning. He was good to me. Very caring. Loving. Even now, he's that way but in his active state of alcoholism... his life is nothing but a farce! He lives to lie because his alcoholism revolves around denial. Alcohol not only seeps from his pores but so do the lies. All I know is when he gets that way, I detach an solely focus on me and my fur babies, the Girls.

That nasty gash... I know it so well. It was one of many injuries from the motorcycle accident. I think that thumb was broken. It's huge at the joint with arthritis setting in now. He won't have it looked at n the nurse called about the order to ask if he was getting it done? I told her he said no but he says it hurts like the dickens! I said as long as it isn't his head, I don't care if it hurts! Lol

lizatola

Hugs, I know that feeling. I also know that feelings are fleeting and that they can change. Hang in there and do something good for yourself today!

BadCompany

Not picking on you personally, you are hardly the first to succumb to the temptation, but I have seen this turn very ugly and have seen it do unrepaiable damage to relationships. just fyi.

MissFixit

There are probably more lies he never told you the truth about either. He is/was an active A. That is what they do. I honestly would not hold my breath on him admitting a whole lot to you. He has nothing to gain from it and he might not remember everything. Why would he set himself up to get a negative reaction from you about past stuff? I am not advocating this, but find it better to be realistic that way there is less chance to get hurt.

Not looking/spying at/on his stuff is kind of like him not taking a drink, ya know?

hopeful4

RB...I hope you have some peace today. Here for you!

readerbaby71

I agree with you. I'd rather not know and leave the past in the past.

FireSprite

I hate running into this kind of stuff, I too have learned to go way out of my way to avoid finding out something I have nothing to gain from knowing.

Sometimes you can't - sometimes it hits you even though you aren't actively looking for it, but I've gone so far as to refuse to do RAH's laundry because I'm not cleaning out pockets, lol. When he leaves his binder/papers all over the kitchen table with his DUI/court stuff I stack it all & move it to his dresser but I stop myself from actually looking at any of it. I really don't want to know, nor do I want to tempt the codie triggers inside of me to get too involved. It's hard at first, but gets easier & for me it's very freeing to detach in that way!

choublak

I have to wonder why it was sitting out on the kitchen table in the first place...

readerbaby71

Our apartment is fairly small and the kitchen table is where he studies, reads and does his artwork.