readerbaby71

Interesting. When my ABF was attending AA meetings in October (but NOT working the program, and NOT finding a sponsor) he told me he didn't "agree" with keeping track of a sobriety birthday, that he didn't "care for" the fact that if someone drank then they were expected to start over. At the time I was very confused - how could you NOT want to track and celebrate how long you'd been sober, and how could you NOT expect that someone would have to start over if they drank. Little did I know that at this time he was probably already drinking again. Shortly thereafter he stopped going to AA, and now drinks at least a pint of hard alcohol daily.

So, based upon my very limited experience, I'd say someone who is not willing to be honest about a "re-set" of a sobriety date is very likely not honest with their own alcoholism, and is in imminent danger of going right back down ole' Alcoholic road, or could already be on it. And that would include those AA Gossip Girls.



I have to agree with your BF. Taking a drink for one night is a slip. A bump in the road, not a reset. I find it self-defeating to think that taking a drink after years of sobriety means you're starting at the beginning again. As if all the progress you've made is nil, and you MUST be in denial if you consider it a slip, not a reset. This is the kind of rigid thinking in AA that I just do not find positive or empowering. A prolonged relapse is a different thing.

I am also not a fan of counting days. I understand why some people like to do it and keep track of their progress. It's a matter of personal preference.

Not bashing AA, just stating my opinion.

NorCaliGal

Ah Readerbaby if my ABF only had a few sips on even just one drink, felt some level of regret and got back to trying to stay sober I may feel differently. But he is in full relapse and very defiant about it. In fact, he won't even acknowledge it's a relapse (he also doesn't "care for" the terms "relapse" or "slip" when someone drinks again.) His opinion, as he's expressed it to me, is that he is fine with sporadic weeks or months of sobriety with weeks or months of daily drinking (with states that can very from mildly buzzed to completely incoherent.)

readerbaby71

That is a totally different story than someone who has been sober and has a slip. I'm sorry.

PohsFriend

If ****** witch doctors and acupuncture work for someone I'd say go for it ;-)

I think that you hit it there. Birthday nights gave me hope when I was only hearing negatives. I saw people with solid families and reconstructed lives when I needed some evidence that it was possible.
Poh kinda played around with AA til her first slip and it scared her senseless and she started hanging around those people with 5,10,20 years and thankfully they told her how they got there because if they hadn't she would have beat it out of them I'm sure - she needed to see how they got there.

As for whether a slip is a relapse... I have to admit, if Poh slipped I would be scared and upset but I don't think I would catastrophize it now because I've seen it among those in her AA group. I don't know that it is defeatist to reset the clock and I used to really scratch my head over the 20 year folks saying they are alcoholics but with Poh if I say she's been sober for 25 months she will correct me and say it's only 16 months because the difference between a slip and a full blown relapse is pure chance. Might she be able to hit reset and get right back into AA if she had a slip tomorrow - sure. If you play Russian Roulette you only have a 1 in 6 chance of making a big mess and ruining the carpet but if someone did that and just got a 'click' you wouldn't suggest that they was a reasonable risk and that's why she is adamant that she must not ever drink because whether it was the first time or tenth time she slipped there is no telling which slip would result in a full relapse and the consequences of that are unthinkable to her.

I'm sure there are lots of people - and I know some - who had a problem, stopped and never looked back without a program and without a problem but it depends on the person. Poh doesn't care what MIGHT work, she knows what does work for her and that is a regular program and never taking the risk of one sip.

Interestingly (now, then it was terrifying) when Poh was coming around to acceptance that she was an alcoholic neither of us knew what that really means. She had been white knuckling for a few months after her hospitalization (cold turkey stop damn near killed her) and made the common logical step to "OK, I know I can't drink vodka from the bottle... but wine with dinner is OK". She was nervous about it and wanted me there when she did it and we shared a bottle of wine. 2 glasses - if that. She reacted poorly, hallucinations poorly, me taking her to the doctor and her not knowing what state we were in poorly. We chatted about this last night and she said that past a certain point an alcoholic who has been sober for a very long time can't expect to have a normal reaction to alcohol and a repeat of the slow progression - it more or less picks up where it left off.

Is she right? I don't care really - I am not sure on what date she started to be more worried alcohol than I was but it happened somewhere along the line and that's good. It's funny, I've heard people say that it's a bad sign that she is worried about it and now and then she'll tell me she thought about drinking and immediately shook the thought from her head and worked her checklist of whatever she's learned to do - I don't know because I stay out of it. To me, that's not a bad sign. If she told me she never thought about it or told me she was confident that she had it beat I would be worried.