Life begins at 40
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Originally Posted by Hammer 
Yeah, I follow you are having fun chasing poutang, but the girl that NEEDS you is at home.
Your Daughter is just barely back and you are going to lose her again if you keep this crap up.
Dunno, maybe just find a low-key f-buddy / friends-with-benefits thing with some local, and grab some lunch-time nooners. Like I say, dunno. In real practice, I am as low mileage as you.
But here is the Real Deal. You set the standards, and are lead for the household -- sorry but that is just the Cost of Being The Boss. If you are being a run-around-party-guy . . . daughter is taking notes. You have to run a clean classroom.
Your Daughter is just barely back and you are going to lose her again if you keep this crap up.
Dunno, maybe just find a low-key f-buddy / friends-with-benefits thing with some local, and grab some lunch-time nooners. Like I say, dunno. In real practice, I am as low mileage as you.
But here is the Real Deal. You set the standards, and are lead for the household -- sorry but that is just the Cost of Being The Boss. If you are being a run-around-party-guy . . . daughter is taking notes. You have to run a clean classroom.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
I believe the ladies' version is "get some dink" (right back at ya Hammer 
)
I agree, fun lunch would be the way to go here and not extended absences
while new family dynamic is being established
I'm all for fun (no moral judgements) Lewis but I do have a few concerns:
Are you compromising the "moral high ground" in the divorce proceedings?
What if one of the boys mentions that daughter's Bfriend spent the night
and that you were gone? What is she finds out another way? Could this
harm your custody claims? Allowing your underage daughter to have her boyfriend
over for sex is not going to play well with a judge or your community.
Teenagers are not terribly good at secrets, whatever they say. . .
I also think going away for the V-day weekend is sending a totally different message
to ladyfriend compared to "meet for drinks" and see what develops.
I think you should meet some other women and tell this first one she is going
way too fast for you. It does seem unhealthy / desperate and not just
living life at the fullest, as she is spinning it to you.
Party girls do have a shelf life--a cultural unfairness but I think we all know
that is the case and when you are 40 something marriage looks a lot more interesting
and there are fewer quality men to be had (it's a buyers' market so to speak)
So anyway, just a few thoughts. Remember Lewis, we are on your side here and
any critical comments are to help, not hurt
)I agree, fun lunch would be the way to go here and not extended absences
while new family dynamic is being established
I'm all for fun (no moral judgements) Lewis but I do have a few concerns:
Are you compromising the "moral high ground" in the divorce proceedings?
What if one of the boys mentions that daughter's Bfriend spent the night
and that you were gone? What is she finds out another way? Could this
harm your custody claims? Allowing your underage daughter to have her boyfriend
over for sex is not going to play well with a judge or your community.
Teenagers are not terribly good at secrets, whatever they say. . .
I also think going away for the V-day weekend is sending a totally different message
to ladyfriend compared to "meet for drinks" and see what develops.
I think you should meet some other women and tell this first one she is going
way too fast for you. It does seem unhealthy / desperate and not just
living life at the fullest, as she is spinning it to you.
Party girls do have a shelf life--a cultural unfairness but I think we all know
that is the case and when you are 40 something marriage looks a lot more interesting
and there are fewer quality men to be had (it's a buyers' market so to speak)
So anyway, just a few thoughts. Remember Lewis, we are on your side here and
any critical comments are to help, not hurt
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by lizatola
Hammer, LOL. I haven't heard the word poutang since college, LOL! OMG, that cracks me up. Do people even use that one anymore?
As far as that one . . . . Vietnam era, I think.
Urban Dictionary: poutang
You can take me out of the Army, but it seems it has left a lot of markers.
I had Vietnam era training NCOs as a troop, and same for ROTC, and when I was pulled up Active for the first Desert Nonsense Oil Wars, my Senior NCOs were guys Vietnam era pulled back from retirement.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
I believe the ladies' version is "get some dink" (right back at ya Hammer )
)Seems that is correct by definition #6:
Urban Dictionary: dink
So A+ for you on today's Vocabulary Exam.
Remember Lewis, we are on your side here and any critical comments are to help, not hurt
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: London
Posts: 56
Don't let what you can't control get in the way of what you can
Lewis
I can't control the fact that I feel awful about my familes situation and probably will do for a long time.
I can control me, and despite feeling awful, I am now able to put this to the back of my mind, go out and have fun, when I have a night or two away from my daughters.
In my opinion, your new woman sounds like great fun, just don't get entangled in each other lives too much.
The odd dirty weekend with a new lover never did anyone any harm, did it?
Lewis
I can't control the fact that I feel awful about my familes situation and probably will do for a long time.
I can control me, and despite feeling awful, I am now able to put this to the back of my mind, go out and have fun, when I have a night or two away from my daughters.
In my opinion, your new woman sounds like great fun, just don't get entangled in each other lives too much.
The odd dirty weekend with a new lover never did anyone any harm, did it?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 545
You are making a deal with your 17 year old daughter to hide your indiscretions? I'm sorry that is irresponsible. And you don't think she will use this against you and your boys wont' find out?
I have been Team Lewis all this time, but now I am not so sure.
Sleeping with women within 3 weeks of your separation? They call women that do that sluts. Just saying.
I have been Team Lewis all this time, but now I am not so sure.
Sleeping with women within 3 weeks of your separation? They call women that do that sluts. Just saying.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nottingham UK
Posts: 241
Originally Posted by Godismyrock
Dear Lewis,
Your daughter needs you, a lot more than you think. She has been to h*ll and back and is searching for love. She is searching for it with a teenage boy. Please DO NOT let shenanigans happen in your home. She should not even feel the ability to ask about her boyfriend staying over all night.
When she is 40, she may very well look back and regret the things that she did at 18. Please be careful. Lay some new ground rules now that she is home. She needs your guidance now, more than ever.
I am talking to you not as a parent, but as a 42 year old with regrets about what she did at 18.
Your daughter needs you, a lot more than you think. She has been to h*ll and back and is searching for love. She is searching for it with a teenage boy. Please DO NOT let shenanigans happen in your home. She should not even feel the ability to ask about her boyfriend staying over all night.
When she is 40, she may very well look back and regret the things that she did at 18. Please be careful. Lay some new ground rules now that she is home. She needs your guidance now, more than ever.
I am talking to you not as a parent, but as a 42 year old with regrets about what she did at 18.
How long has she known her BF, where did they meet, does he seem like a normal youngster trying to make his way in the world or does he look like a player? Have you had that conversation yet, about players and how to spot them?
Still, I'm kind of in agreement with the others on one thing, it would be better if this was a moot point because you weren't out in the first place. It does threaten your moral high ground, going for custody of the kids and the fast track divorce if you're at it so soon after the separation!
I think it's done you the power of good to see how much is out there for you on the dating scene, but maybe it's time for some quiet introspection and rewriting of the firmware. You might need to take a hiatus from the dating alltogether if you can't help going through the gears with any woman that isn't obviously a psychopath, your subconcious neatly flipping those red flags into green ones for you! I've experienced loneliness and have certainly worn that particular t-shirt before!
*speaking as someone who allowed their twenties to pass them by in that regard!
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Hi Lewis,
I hope the recent responses haven't driven you away. I think you were doing remarkably well considering, and hope you don't desert us. Given the number of hits, your posts were speaking to a lot of people out there...
Danae
I hope the recent responses haven't driven you away. I think you were doing remarkably well considering, and hope you don't desert us. Given the number of hits, your posts were speaking to a lot of people out there...
Danae
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Originally Posted by Lewis73
Kids all happy - had a very awkward chat with daughter last night.....basically, she wants to know if her boyfriend can sleep over when I am out all night....and I wanted her to know that me being out all night needs to remain discrete (not like its some crazy secret - just that its all early days for my life and its not stuff I need boys, ex's, etc knowing and asking about)
In the end we sort of agreed that she will be 18 in 8 weeks.....I've been 40 for 8 weeks......so lets just assume we are both able to look after ourselves.
She is not an adult at 18 and needs guidance and support from you.
I get being eager to have a life of your own (you) after many years of focus on the AW but your kids can't come second to your social life nor is it wise to be out all night w kids alone at home. Yikes.
Also as a daughter whose mother and father has these "this has to stay just between us" conversations THAT needs to stop.
Having a talk w your 18 year old where she now feels she needs to keep your behavior a discrete secret is NOT healthy for her
Dating needs to wait. Your kids need you much more than you need to be out on the social scene.
My two cents.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Lol, poor Lewis! We've scared him off! I've just got to chime in here, too though... when I got divorced (husband's idea, not mine) at 36, I met a guy online (divorce wasn't even final yet) who I thought was THE guy for me... so ruggedly handsome, so fun and romantic! I thought it was a sign from God to get divorced and bring us together. But, there were ALL kinds of red flags... and I saw them and I CHOSE to ignore them. I mean, my husband walked out on ME. I DESERVE happiness and someone who wants me! My friends and sister saw right through him and warned me. I still ignored the obvious signs and kept the relationship going. $2500 in borrowed cash later, and multiple trips and dinners I paid for later, I found out he was a complete scammer and a liar. Not only did he not go to colleage, he had dropped out of high school! And he lived with his MOTHER at 40 years old!!!! Don't ignore the red flags, Lewis. They're put there for a reason. Tell you what... your daughter won't like you going back on your word on letting her boyfriend stay at the house, and your "girlfriend" won't like you backing out on the weekend with her... so why don't you tell your daughter you're willing to back off BOTH your bad decisions and take your daughter out for a nice V-Day date instead of her boyfriend spending the night? And if your "girlfriend" gets upset about you changing your mind... well... then that's another red flag ;-)
New Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2
Just read this thread (and the one it spawned from)..bit late I know, but then Im always like the tail end of a donkey.
Its such a shame it ended this way..
I think Dave is right, I am from England and there is a biggg culture difference between middle America and the UK and Europe.
I disagree with a lot of things some people have posted in the last dozen posts or so. One being that some who is 18 is NOT an adult..of course they are!!
They can vote, they can legally marry without their parents consent, they can drink alcohol legally, get into pubs and nightclubs and casinos legally.
They can even fight in wars (there are a LOT of 18 year olds in the army, navy and airforce fighting in Iraq and Afganistan). Infact an 18 year old from up the street here was killed in Iraq a couple of years ago...so if the government are willing to send 18 year olds to fight and die for them, I think a man who allows his 18 year old daughter to have a boyfriend stay over or fend for herself home alone a couple of nights a week isn't stepping that much out of line myself!!
As for the woman who remarked that "woman who do what Lewis is doing are called "sluts"...pleazzzeee...when was this? The 1950's
Its such a shame it ended this way..
I think Dave is right, I am from England and there is a biggg culture difference between middle America and the UK and Europe.
I disagree with a lot of things some people have posted in the last dozen posts or so. One being that some who is 18 is NOT an adult..of course they are!!
They can vote, they can legally marry without their parents consent, they can drink alcohol legally, get into pubs and nightclubs and casinos legally.
They can even fight in wars (there are a LOT of 18 year olds in the army, navy and airforce fighting in Iraq and Afganistan). Infact an 18 year old from up the street here was killed in Iraq a couple of years ago...so if the government are willing to send 18 year olds to fight and die for them, I think a man who allows his 18 year old daughter to have a boyfriend stay over or fend for herself home alone a couple of nights a week isn't stepping that much out of line myself!!
As for the woman who remarked that "woman who do what Lewis is doing are called "sluts"...pleazzzeee...when was this? The 1950's
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2
I hope so Hammer.
Seems SOME (not all) people got pretty judgemental there.
I thought it was an English journalist thing, routing for the underdog then kicking him down when he starts to get on his feet
Apologies to any Australians...couldn't think of another word but routing
Seems SOME (not all) people got pretty judgemental there.
I thought it was an English journalist thing, routing for the underdog then kicking him down when he starts to get on his feet
Apologies to any Australians...couldn't think of another word but routing
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I'm glad everyone has been able to have some fun, but I will remind all that:
Since I think this topic has been canvassed very thoroughly now, this thread is closed. Some of the more salacious posts are being removed.
You may direct any further inquiries about Lewis' personal life to him through Private Message.
9. If it shouldn't be viewed by minors, then it shouldn’t be posted to the forums or chat rooms. This is a public, family-friendly forum. In addition, if something would not be considered “work safe” (to a boss or co-worker), then it shouldn’t be posted.
It is against the rules to circumvent the automatic censor.
It is against the rules to circumvent the automatic censor.
You may direct any further inquiries about Lewis' personal life to him through Private Message.
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