Old 01-19-2014, 01:41 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 4
Question Lost

Hi there,

This is my first post and I don't know what I'm looking for. Answers might be too optimistic. Maybe clarification that it's not l in my head.
I've been with my OH for 3 years. We both have children from previous relationships. We were both heavy social drinkers when we met. 1st 6 months were good, then it started going downhill. Anger, verbal abuse from both sides. Then he started really losing it when drunk and would smash the place up. So we sat and talked and realised things needed to change. So for the next year things did. Or I did. I slowed down on my drinking and limited my intake. I felt bad for my actions toward some one I love when drunk. But my oh carried on regRdless. Only this time there is only one drunk aggressive person in the room. And every time is escalates I turn Into a victim, taking it. Thinking it's better than us both being drunk, I could sometimes diffuse the situation

It got worse and worse. I have lost all confidence within myself, I feel half the person I was when we met. He drinks to the point of blacking out and can't remember. Then before Xmas I stayed in while he went out. He came home at 6 I. The morning angry and lashing out. Then I am told he cheated on me-he can't remember.

Enough was enough. I couldn't stay with him if he continued to drink. He promised to stop, begged for another chance.

I asked him to go to councilling or aa. He said his problem isn't that bad.

He left to work in Africa 3 days ago. And started drinking when he got there.

He says I am trying to control him. From reading the above stickies I know I am
I do t know what to do for the best

Please help
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Old 01-19-2014, 01:43 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Engineer Things; LOVE People
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Africa seems like a safe distance?

Now how about you? AA/Alanon, etc.?
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Old 01-19-2014, 01:48 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Scotland
Posts: 4
Ha yeah it is. I now worry that he will get into trouble over there
I question him then get annoyed when he has been drinking
I am trying to change/tame him to make this relationship work
And I know I am doing wrong
I'm turning into a person I never thought I'd be.

I have been to a.a when I was 16
And looking round the site here to get help and advice
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Old 01-19-2014, 01:51 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
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Welcome to SR witsend.

I am sorry you are going through this.

I think you are very right in that it hurts one self esteem to live with aggression and abuse from others.

It is difficult to change other, people stop drinking when they choose to do so – it is seldom something they can be forced to.
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