rry1177

Hi there, it's me again. A few months ago I realized my relationship with ABF will be exactly what it is. Him slowly lowering my expectations and me tolerating it. For example He basically scoffed when I said I wanted to go to the movies, but he will find a bootleg copy online. He has beer money though. It's not enough anymore that he is a nice man. If I take off my blinders, there is a man who half assed does everything he doesn't feel like doing, seems to have gotten used to me paying the bills, has no sense of urgency about working full time (you know because those people working 9-5 are fools for making someone else rich, but not you sweetie, you make good money so it's ok).

I've asked him to live as if I just lost my job or as if he was on his own to try to get him to see that he should contribute more. He'll say Oh don't you think I feel bad about my situation? or You know I really appreciate you, right?

I want to kick him out, but then I feel sorry for him and don't say anything. I flip flop between these thoughts and it's tearing me up mentally.

My new excuse is that since he just got out of school, I'm waiting a while to see if he gets a full time and contributes. I know he won't. He's talking the self employed crap again. He offered it up, which lets me know he's BS'ing me. I didn't ask him about a job search or anything.

I've been to Al-Anon twice and my problem seemed so small compared to what they had been through. I felt like maybe I didn't belong or I was wasting their time, which I know is not true. I've got issues I didn't know I had, y'all.

My question is: If you've felt "flip-floppy", how did you finally get over it and get your courage?

AnvilheadII

sometimes we have to start small....you say that somehow you've got into the spot of paying for everything. obviously you need to keep a roof over your head...but you could STOP paying for HIS stuff, if you are. no more gimmes. you could even set a date when you EXPECT him to start paying half....and if he cannot or will not contribute, well then adios amigo.

don't forget, he IS fully capable...but he's the type with the entitled mindset that why should he put forth the effort if he can con somebody else into taking care of his @ss. time to treat him like a GROWN UP.

Hawkeye13

Ditto. I (briefly) had a freeloader like this living with me.

They never got it together and I never saw any of the money.
Unless you like being Mommy Warbucks take some action.
Unfortunately, you have to pay to live on this planet.
At least right now you do . . .