Justwantnormal

I feel like I've been walking around for weeks with this giant lump in my throat. The silliest and smallest things make me emotional. I'm constantly fighting back tears. My emotions are so unbelievably fragile. How on earth did I get here?! As I sit here staring at my passed out drunk AH I have this overwhelming urge to crawl into bed with my kids, hold them tight and sob uncontrollably (and never let go!). I feel so scared, so lost, so sad, so hurt, so frustrated, so angry and so very, very alone. I don't know how much longer I can hang on. My kids deserve a healthy Mom and I feel like I'm slowly dying.

Katchie

ahhh...I've had some moments like this, too. Ready to cry at the drop of a hat. I don't have as much wisdom to share as others, but hugs to you..
Go hug up your kids. Thats always a good thing. I know..they do deserve a healthy mom and dad. Just keep loving them and loving you.

BrokenDrum

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Just know that you are not alone.
(((hugs)))

HealingWillCome

Justwantnormal, are you doing anything to take care of yourself these days? I can just feel your pain right now. You mentioned in an earlier post that you were going to your first Al-Anon meeting. How did that go? Are you talking to anyone--family or close friends? I don't remember if you said you have a counselor or therapist. You do sound very, very alone. But you don't have to be. I would really encourage you to reach out. Al-Anon, especially, is full of people who have carried the same burdens, who just get it.

The grief and pain you are feeling are normal (and completely awful...I have been there), but it is possible, and necessary, to work your way through them. Your precious little boys, even though they are young, can feel your pain too. Kids sense what we're feeling, even when we think we're able to hide our emotions.

Things will get better. They really will. Be kind to yourself. Start putting your focus on your health...mental, spiritual, physical, emotional. Take care of you. Big hugs to you.

ShootingStar1

Hey, Justwantnormal, hang in there. You are not alone. Lots of us have felt grief and anguish similar to what you're describing, and we are all sending our empathy and caring your way.

It is a very hard journey to be the partner of an alcoholic, and you are in a very low spot right now. There is a way out, and you can and will feel better. Maybe try reading some of the stickies that talk about how many of us have gotten better.

Alanon and individual therapy are great resources, and will help you sort out what you feel and what you want to do long term.

For right now, just feel hugged here by your cyberfriends.

ShootingStar1