Being Invisible - Alcoholism & Career Decisions
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Originally Posted by patientlywaitin 
Sometimes I wish people didn't depend on me so much, sometimes I just need a break.
Not my monkey, not my circus.
My emotional baggage
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 285
I am so glad you posted this. This is a side of my I have really come to terms with recently. Before my XAH started drinking heavily, I had many friends and worked in a job where I was in contact with new people everyday. As his drinking increased, his negative comments to me increased also. I took a job I worked from home. I started gaining weight. I really truly think I gained to become invisible. I was living a lie about what my life at home. This was a very painful time.
As I have found myself again during the divorce, I have found that I am much, much braver than I ever gave myself for. As I have gotten my unmanageable situation back in control, the weight has been coming off. I have gotten contacts, I put in a real effort now to look nice everyday and I am getting comments almost daily now about how great I look. I am ready now to be seen again. I am tired of sinking into the background. It has taken a couple of years but I am getting there again.
I really agree that this happens living with an A, or at least it definitely did with me.
4MyBoys
As I have found myself again during the divorce, I have found that I am much, much braver than I ever gave myself for. As I have gotten my unmanageable situation back in control, the weight has been coming off. I have gotten contacts, I put in a real effort now to look nice everyday and I am getting comments almost daily now about how great I look. I am ready now to be seen again. I am tired of sinking into the background. It has taken a couple of years but I am getting there again.
I really agree that this happens living with an A, or at least it definitely did with me.
4MyBoys
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 258
Originally Posted by blackandblue
I get the daily email messages from Hazelden and this one hit home for me so thought I would share.
Say when it's time to stop coping.
Many of us find ways of coping. As children, we may have become very angry with our parents. Having no recourse, we may have said to ourselves, "I'll show the, I'm never going to do well at music, or sports, or studies again." As adults, we may deal with a loss, or death, by saying, "I'm always going to be nice to people and make them happy. Then they won't go away." Or we may deal with a betrayal by saying, "I'm never going to open my heart to a woman, or man, again."
Coping often includes making an incorrect connection between an event and our behavior. It may help us survive., but at some point our coping behaviors usually get in our way. They become habits and take on a life of their own. And although we think we're protecting ourselves or someone we love, we aren't.
Are you keeping yourself from doing something that you really want to do as a means of coping with something that happened to you a long time ago?[/U]Cope if you must, if it helps save your life. But maybe today is the day you could set yourself free.
You are reading from the book: "More Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie
Say when it's time to stop coping.
Many of us find ways of coping. As children, we may have become very angry with our parents. Having no recourse, we may have said to ourselves, "I'll show the, I'm never going to do well at music, or sports, or studies again." As adults, we may deal with a loss, or death, by saying, "I'm always going to be nice to people and make them happy. Then they won't go away." Or we may deal with a betrayal by saying, "I'm never going to open my heart to a woman, or man, again."
Coping often includes making an incorrect connection between an event and our behavior. It may help us survive., but at some point our coping behaviors usually get in our way. They become habits and take on a life of their own. And although we think we're protecting ourselves or someone we love, we aren't.
Are you keeping yourself from doing something that you really want to do as a means of coping with something that happened to you a long time ago?[/U]Cope if you must, if it helps save your life. But maybe today is the day you could set yourself free.
You are reading from the book: "More Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie
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