wanttobehealthy

LaTeeDa! You and Suki were among the handful who rightfully called me on my BS codie enabler BS (that's quite a descriptor huh?) and I will be forever grateful for it.

But I know that during that time I was a colossal pain the a$$ and I imagine it took a lot of patience and compassion to keep coming back and continuing to try and help me bc I sure as heck didn't make it easy!

So, hearing from you (and from everyone) that you're happy things have turned around really means the world to me!

Wisconsin

WTBH, I am thrilled to hear all of this! Yes, the legal system DOES sometimes produce bad results, but more often than not eventually the truth comes out and things work out fairly. I'm so glad that happened in your case.

((HUGS)) to you!

unsureoffuture

Thanks WTBH for sharing! It does sound like you are so much healthier now. It is also so helpful to hear about others who have to share custody of kids with an A. I am right at the point of leaving my A and that is one of my biggest fears not being able to protect the kids while they are with him. It is so nice to see you doing so well. You have a great perspective on things and I know that good things await. I think all of us when we first come here display those codie behaviors and BS excuses about why our situation is "different". I know for me, SR is what helped me to see just how "codie" I was and how everything everyone said to me on here made so much more sense than the BS I was telling myself. Best of luck to you.

BlueSkies1

wanttobehealthy-- I can hear healthy in your new "voice". The underlying frantic panic is gone, and you have self confidence, and that comes through too.

wanttobehealthy

I wont lie... It still scares the bejeezus out of me when he takes them. He picks them up each morning (bc I tend to think the judge believed he was more apt to be sober then) and that drive to school is the vast majority of his parenting time.

And it scares me each morning. But rather than let that control me, I just have grown a backbone and laid down the law and told him IF and WHEN I believe he is not sober, I will involve the police and they, not me, will assess his sobriety.

So far, the handful of times I have had to do that, he takes off, I drive the kids to school and it's pretty clear that my hunch was right.

He spins and accuses and sends nasty texts alleging I alienate him and I just see it for what it is; a man so out of control that he can't even drive his own kids to school daily and rather than face that and change, he blames me. It is what it is.

I just don't let it get to me (as much) anymore.

The more of a backbone I re-discover, the more it seems to anger him BUT his actions of trying to screw with me seem to be much less now that he is aware I am not afraid to take action to protect my kids...